Advice for someone who has exhausted majority of recovery options but needs to buy time

[Unending]

Hi everyone. I'm not in this part of the forum too often but figured I'd ask for some advice here if anyone has some to offer. I'm in a bit of a sticky situation as I do just want to call it quits but am struggling to keep moving along for my parent's welfare. I feel very angry and resentful because I feel as though I'm being taken along for a torturous ride but also know damn well I don't have it in me to take the plunge anytime soon. This puts me in a bit of a sticky situation as one moment, (I'm sorry if this sounds bad) I can feel myself almost looking forward to when they die so I can get the eff out of here and end my suffering and the next moment all I can think about is how guilty I feel for how much I'll be hurting them when I do the deed.

I guess what I'm getting at is that I've been going back and forth in my head with this intense rollercoaster of pain for a while now and figured I may as well see what others have to say in the recovery forum in regards to what I could possibly do to buy myself some time considering that I've been on well over a dozen psych individual psych meds including a dozen or so different combos. Also, all the experimental treatments are checked off for the most part, except for the more fringe ones that are hard to have faith in. The only one I haven't really tried yet is ect which I'm a bit skeptical to try.

If anyone here is keeping afloat and thinks they have words of advice for a situation like mine, I'd like to hear what you think. I've been going on multiple daily walks and trying hard to build momentum, keep up with eating as much as I can, etc but it's just not getting me anywhere.

Thanks for reading.

 

[timf]

Activities can be one way to stop time from hanging heavy. There are hobbies and crafts that can be useful to occupy time such as leather craft, weaving, amateur radio, or even cooking. There are creative opportunities with music, art, or writing. All of these can contribute to a sense of control.

 

[HuskSince2013]

I'm around 50 and in very similar situation. May I ask OP around how old you are? When I was younger working out and having sex (esp at BDSM clubs) helped a lot.

Not to say 50 is def to old for that, but it is when your mental illness got much worse in your mid-thirties and among other things made you too anxious to work out plus no money due to not being able to hold down a job anymore :-/

If you have money for alt treatments I'd personally try transcranial magnetic, pro guided mushrooms, ketamine in that order.

Was amusing probably apocryphal story about a guy who went to Mexico to buy poison but ended up doing a lot of hookers and blow instead and came back feeling better long term (and wasn't addicted).

Something that helped me for years but now may be a detriment is Kratom.

Also:

The Third Place
The third place is a term used in the concept of community building to refer to social surroundings separate from the two usual social environments of home and the workplace. In his influential book The Great Good Place, Ray Oldenburg (1989, 1991) argues that third places are important for civil society, democracy, civic engagement, and establishing feelings of a sense of place.
Oldenburg calls one's "first place" the home and those that one lives with. The "second place" is the workplace — where people may actually spend most of their time.
Third places, then, are "anchors" of community life and facilitate and foster broader, more creative interaction. All societies already have informal meeting places; what is new in modern times is the intentionality of seeking them out as vital to current societal needs.
Oldenburg suggests these hallmarks of a true "third place": free or inexpensive; food and drink, while not essential, are important; highly accessible: proximate for many (walking distance); involve regulars – those who habitually congregate there; welcoming and comfortable; both new friends and old should be found there.

 

[hikikomorei]

I'm around 50 and in very similar situation. May I ask OP around how old you are? When I was younger working out and having sex (esp at BDSM clubs) helped a lot.

Not to say 50 is def to old for that, but it is when your mental illness got much worse in your mid-thirties and among other things made you too anxious to work out plus no money due to not being able to hold down a job anymore :-/

If you have money for alt treatments I'd personally try transcranial magnetic, pro guided mushrooms, ketamine in that order.

Was amusing probably apocryphal story about a guy who went to Mexico to buy poison but ended up doing a lot of hookers and blow instead and came back feeling better long term (and wasn't addicted).

Something that helped me for years but now may be a detriment is Kratom.

Also:

The Third Place
The third place is a term used in the concept of community building to refer to social surroundings separate from the two usual social environments of home and the workplace. In his influential book The Great Good Place, Ray Oldenburg (1989, 1991) argues that third places are important for civil society, democracy, civic engagement, and establishing feelings of a sense of place.
Oldenburg calls one's "first place" the home and those that one lives with. The "second place" is the workplace — where people may actually spend most of their time.
Third places, then, are "anchors" of community life and facilitate and foster broader, more creative interaction. All societies already have informal meeting places; what is new in modern times is the intentionality of seeking them out as vital to current societal needs.
Oldenburg suggests these hallmarks of a true "third place": free or inexpensive; food and drink, while not essential, are important; highly accessible: proximate for many (walking distance); involve regulars – those who habitually congregate there; welcoming and comfortable; both new friends and old should be found there.

this sounds like really good advice to me. especially guided psychedelics, ketamine therapy, and finding a third place to frequent. the first two have personally helped me feel better for periods (i did psychedelics by myself but it can be risky and you should research and plan to avoid a bad experience). all of these can require effort to aquire of course, but you can be surprised by how setting an intention and manifesting a means can actually produce results.

also maybe it is just me being neurodivergent, but actively seeking out hyperfixations or special interests can be helpful. revisiting favourite books or media from your past, or seeking out new interests to become obsessed with can really provide some escapism and dopamine when every day feels like a painful continuation...

 

[Unending]

Activities can be one way to stop time from hanging heavy. There are hobbies and crafts that can be useful to occupy time such as leather craft, weaving, amateur radio, or even cooking. There are creative opportunities with music, art, or writing. All of these can contribute to a sense of control.

That's been one of my main methods of surviving thus far. If it wasn't for hobbies/passions I'm not quite sure where I'd be.

I'm around 50 and in very similar situation. May I ask OP around how old you are? When I was younger working out and having sex (esp at BDSM clubs) helped a lot.

Not to say 50 is def to old for that, but it is when your mental illness got much worse in your mid-thirties and among other things made you too anxious to work out plus no money due to not being able to hold down a job anymore :-/

If you have money for alt treatments I'd personally try transcranial magnetic, pro guided mushrooms, ketamine in that order.

Was amusing probably apocryphal story about a guy who went to Mexico to buy poison but ended up doing a lot of hookers and blow instead and came back feeling better long term (and wasn't addicted).

Something that helped me for years but now may be a detriment is Kratom.

Also:

The Third Place
The third place is a term used in the concept of community building to refer to social surroundings separate from the two usual social environments of home and the workplace. In his influential book The Great Good Place, Ray Oldenburg (1989, 1991) argues that third places are important for civil society, democracy, civic engagement, and establishing feelings of a sense of place.
Oldenburg calls one's "first place" the home and those that one lives with. The "second place" is the workplace — where people may actually spend most of their time.
Third places, then, are "anchors" of community life and facilitate and foster broader, more creative interaction. All societies already have informal meeting places; what is new in modern times is the intentionality of seeking them out as vital to current societal needs.
Oldenburg suggests these hallmarks of a true "third place": free or inexpensive; food and drink, while not essential, are important; highly accessible: proximate for many (walking distance); involve regulars – those who habitually congregate there; welcoming and comfortable; both new friends and old should be found there.

I'm currently 23 years old. Started trying treatment in highschool and sped up/highly-prioritized treatment after highschool as my situation became even more intolerable. I was actually using kratom semi-consistently for a year or two up until march of 2022. It really just flipped my life upside down and is the only thing that kept me functioning and not in agony for a large portion of those few years but the withdrawals just seemed to become worse everytime and I can't go through one again. There are a lot of mixed anecdotes about kratom withdrawals but for me specifically it was utterly terrible and that's coming from someone who has done plenty of "real drugs" so unfortunately I've had to put the kratom away.

I also tried ketamine in every form as well as tms but am yet to try a proper mushroom experience. I've done my fairshare on my own when I was a teenager but haven't ever done it with a guide for mental health or anything like that. That's something I'll consider if I can find the means.

As far as the third place goes, I technically barely have a second place right now so that's something to consider but with how horrible my mental health is currently, I am concerned that this would be better reserved as a higher step on the recovery staircase.

this sounds like really good advice to me. especially guided psychedelics, ketamine therapy, and finding a third place to frequent. the first two have personally helped me feel better for periods (i did psychedelics by myself but it can be risky and you should research and plan to avoid a bad experience). all of these can require effort to aquire of course, but you can be surprised by how setting an intention and manifesting a means can actually produce results.

also maybe it is just me being neurodivergent, but actively seeking out hyperfixations or special interests can be helpful. revisiting favourite books or media from your past, or seeking out new interests to become obsessed with can really provide some escapism and dopamine when every day feels like a painful continuation...

Getting really obsessed with whatever my interests are at the time has probably been a huge saving factor for me thus far. Unfortunately it seems like that isn't cutting it but it definitely keeps me going, even if barely.

 

[sunshiningbackwards]

I'm around 50 and in very similar situation. May I ask OP around how old you are? When I was younger working out and having sex (esp at BDSM clubs) helped a lot.

Not to say 50 is def to old for that, but it is when your mental illness got much worse in your mid-thirties and among other things made you too anxious to work out plus no money due to not being able to hold down a job anymore :-/

If you have money for alt treatments I'd personally try transcranial magnetic, pro guided mushrooms, ketamine in that order.

Was amusing probably apocryphal story about a guy who went to Mexico to buy poison but ended up doing a lot of hookers and blow instead and came back feeling better long term (and wasn't addicted).

Something that helped me for years but now may be a detriment is Kratom.

Also:

The Third Place
The third place is a term used in the concept of community building to refer to social surroundings separate from the two usual social environments of home and the workplace. In his influential book The Great Good Place, Ray Oldenburg (1989, 1991) argues that third places are important for civil society, democracy, civic engagement, and establishing feelings of a sense of place.
Oldenburg calls one's "first place" the home and those that one lives with. The "second place" is the workplace — where people may actually spend most of their time.
Third places, then, are "anchors" of community life and facilitate and foster broader, more creative interaction. All societies already have informal meeting places; what is new in modern times is the intentionality of seeking them out as vital to current societal needs.
Oldenburg suggests these hallmarks of a true "third place": free or inexpensive; food and drink, while not essential, are important; highly accessible: proximate for many (walking distance); involve regulars – those who habitually congregate there; welcoming and comfortable; both new friends and old should be found there.

I actually took this class on communities in college last year and one of the major discussion points we had was how that "third place' has rapidly vanished from real life bc pandemic (among other things). People go to bars to drink alone or only with people they know, people go to coffee shops to work and be by themselves (or maybe meet up with people they already know). It seems the final frontier of the "third place" where new social interactions are encouraged is the internet. Which sucks

 

[SoftWorries]

As everyone is saying psychs for sure. Weed too if you enjoy it.

For me it's audiobooks lately. I've been playing them at 1.5 times speed and it's good at keeping my mind busy.

I made acquaintances on Meetup.com too. Going to burlesque clubs, getting to know the dancers and making plans for myself around what they're doing next.

Also write on here everyday so you don't need to be alone with your thoughts.