advice for my situation please

[niyahquil]

Hii, 18 y/o girl if that context helps at all

i want to get better, i really really do.

I have severe PTSD from childhood abuse, I struggle with other mental illnesses but i feel PTSD is the biggest factor when it comes to my suicidal tendencies.

I truly do want to get better but its very.. hard.
I get better for days, weeks, months even but then one thing slightly triggers me and i'm back to square one.
I have so many triggers, some triggers are so random and minuscule to where i can never pick up on them , i cant identify them , therefore i cant avoid them.
I age regress as a coping mechanism , its involuntary most of the time and only works a handful of times. When i regress i am in the headspace of a child, so sometimes scary situations become SCARIER because i cant process them the way adult me would be able to, and what sucks is I'm completely out of control regarding it. I feel like due to my trauma I'm emotionally stuck at the age i was when it happened.

I have very laid out plans on how i will kill myself, i know how im going to do it, just not a date yet. Its not something i look forward to, im sad about it and i want to get better but im scared to go to anyone irl, as id get sent to hospitals and told cliche bullshit.

Does it ever get better with PTSD? genuinely, does it ever get better? do you see a situation like mine ever improving?
Is a life like this even worth continuing?
What advice would you give to me? as im in dire need of support and advice.

Thank you <3

 

[Lavender Dreams]

While you can't change the past, or erase your memories, you definitely can develop the resilience that will make your day to day life easier. It's not set in stone that someone will have a shit quality of life with ptsd, but the sooner you start addressing it the better.

Therapy wise, the standard CBT and DBT can help some people, depression wise, but ideally you'll probably want to see someone who is trauma informed whenever possible. Other people suffering from complex ptsd typically say that IFS or EMDR therapy helped them the most, but you'll need to have a few coping mechanisms in place, and trust in the professional before attempting the latter. I also have a set of pdfs that I share, which have plenty of useful knowledge if therapy is not something you can get yourself to do at the moment.

From the medication side to manage the anxiety and panic attacks that you get through flashbacks, you might want to consider antidepressants, beta blockers, benzodiazepines in worst case scenario. The previous therapists I worked with recommended sertraline with ptsd, however that medication didn't work me for unrelated reasons, so I can't expand on that.

There's plenty of ongoing research in this area around the use of ketamine and psychedelics as well, which looks promising, and it's slowly being integrated into treatment in some countries.

So, long story short - yes, it's definitely worth giving it a shot for a while longer. If you create a better sense of stability and safety for yourself, even a year can make a massive difference. Exhaust the available options before making the final call.

 

[Kundalini Guy]

Have you tried psychedelic drugs? Depressed and people with PTSD really should try experimenting with psychedelics as they are shown to treat these illneses. It also changes the person you are after the experience and people have reported huge reduction in suicidal thoughts after it.

 

[flyingrabbitt]

It definitely can get better with ptsd, i have cptsd and did which isn't entirely the same but the involuntary age regression is definitely a big part of my struggles too.

Lavender Dreams mentions pretty good things about treatment, another important part is that you need to have a therapist you have a good relationship with and a sense of safety both inside and outside therapy in order to start processing trauma. It also helps if you know fully what disorders you have because for me therapy didn't work until I acknowledged i have did and worked with it rather than against it.
IFS is going to be a big help regardless of what you have because you're able to seperate parts of yourself and heal them all that way rather than trying to heal one big tangle of issues.
Personally I've found CBT not to work at all because I'm very self aware of my problems, it's not something that works for very self aware people, especially if you're also autistic like myself.
DBT works but not as a standalone therapy for ptsd, it helps with emotional regulation and coping skills but doesn't address the root cause of suffering (trauma).
I haven't done EMDR yet but I have heard very good things about it, you do need to be more stable for it because it can be a lot to do however it's very worth it.

I've found in the few months I'm with my current therapist who I have a good relationship with and trust a lot I've had more progress than I had in the past 8 years with various other professionals. It takes time but recovery is definitely possible and worth it.

 

[The anhedonic one]

In my own personal experience as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, the symptoms of PTSD can gradually lose their intensity.
My trauma will always be there, yet I can deal with being triggered ok now.
It loses its power over you over time.
Therapy and meds help some people, but not everyone.
I hope you can find a way to deal with this nightmare.

 

[LittleJem]

move to Australia and get mdma therapy.