Venting Addiction

[SterileMoth]

Can you be an addict without having a specific substance you're addicted to?
Obviously I am addicted to nicotine, and I know that, but I've barely met a drug I don't like this far. While I'm not spending hundreds on anything how much of that is simply lack of connection? I could get connections if I really wanted, without a doubt. I crave opiates often, I've barely done them the past 4 years, and even before that it was a month long codeine stint, but the itch still demands scratching. I've done coke, it's not even fun, just addictive, doesn't make me feel any better, just something that isn't sober. The only thing I've ever had issue with was an opioid, synthetic shit.
I'm not sure I could call myself an addict, but then again anything that alters my mind is something I'd be willing to try, and I crave any of it occasionally. Addicted to anything that takes the pain away?

The venting part is this: I don't even know if I wanna be sober, right now my access is so limited I couldn't anyways, it's just occasionally cuz friends have something. So I've never worried much. But I know, I really know, I could if I wanted to, I could throw everything away if I wanted to, I could ruin my life more. It's right fucking there. And it's so much easier living when you aren't quite there. I just ... I don't know. Everyone leaves eventually, right? What's the point. I'm depressed as fuck regardless right. It's so stupid, I mean I've decided to live for now, I'm gonna die anyway so why not see where shit goes? But part of that is also like ... A complete lack of care for myself. I just exist here, I'm not trying for anything, it all feels so god damn pointless, like I'm just here for the ride at this point and if I need to I'll figure out a way to hit the exit button, nothing fucking matters.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

There are two types of addiction. Physical addiction where your body craves the substance, and mental addiction where you don't physically crave it but you mentally enjoy it. It sounds like you have an addictive personality (like me). Meaning you have strong tendencies to become mentally hooked on something.

You can of course suffer from one, the other, or both. Most people are left with the mental aspect after they sober up. That's why they'll often attend support groups, to try to break the mental dependency they had on it.

As for the last bit, depression is often tied to addiction as well. You're not alone in feeling the need to escape your depression with substances. But it's a vicious cycle where drugs fuel depression then depression fuels drug use.

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

nicotine might not get you high but it kills more people than any other substance

 

[SterileMoth]

There are two types of addiction. Physical addiction where your body craves the substance, and mental addiction where you don't physically crave it but you mentally enjoy it. It sounds like you have an addictive personality (like me). Meaning you have strong tendencies to become mentally hooked on something.

You can of course suffer from one, the other, or both. Most people are left with the mental aspect after they sober up. That's why they'll often attend support groups, to try to break the mental dependency they had on it.

As for the last bit, depression is often tied to addiction as well. You're not alone in feeling the need to escape your depression with substances. But it's a vicious cycle where drugs fuel depression then depression fuels drug use.

That would make sense, I don't do them often, even now that I want to constantly I lack connections anyways, I just smoke weed daily, which is very much a mental addiction at this point. I've used it to get food into me on hard days (which seems to be every day right now) and I've used it to stop myself from self harm and the likes. I know it can ruin people, I had a friend I briefly cut off till she got clean (ironically she relapsed and that's my current source)
I've never been an upper person, which is what she's addicted to, so it's what I do, which also means Im not too inclined to continue use outside of her. I've had some left at my house before and while I have used it, there's still some left after two weeks and it was only like 5 lines left. I know it sounds very stupid to say "I won't become addicted" and I genuinely don't believe I will ever, not physically, just mentally when I'm going through something but it's usually easy to resist.

Well recovery circles will tell you that sobriety is about more than just not consuming the substance. It would be about living a more wholesome life, more thinking about others, etc. So yeah I guess basically one could have the mindset of an addict without necessarily being addicted to something. Obsessed with your pain and escaping from it? That is definitely the mindset of an addict. At least with a substance you do get the occasional respite. Just more chaos too.

Thank you, I know it will cause more chaos than relief. I'm trying to watch myself very carefully so I don't get too close, while not limiting myself because I don't think it's worth it.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

That would make sense, I don't do them often, even now that I want to constantly I lack connections anyways, I just smoke weed daily, which is very much a mental addiction at this point. I've used it to get food into me on hard days (which seems to be every day right now) and I've used it to stop myself from self harm and the likes. I know it can ruin people, I had a friend I briefly cut off till she got clean (ironically she relapsed and that's my current source)
I've never been an upper person, which is what she's addicted to, so it's what I do, which also means Im not too inclined to continue use outside of her. I've had some left at my house before and while I have used it, there's still some left after two weeks and it was only like 5 lines left. I know it sounds very stupid to say "I won't become addicted" and I genuinely don't believe I will ever, not physically, just mentally when I'm going through something but it's usually easy to resist.

Thank you, I know it will cause more chaos than relief. I'm trying to watch myself very carefully so I don't get too close, while not limiting myself because I don't think it's worth it.

While I've been a huge pot smoker for damn near my whole life and a serious advocate for it, it has been linked to mental disorders recently such as schizophrenia. I'd still recommend weed and shrooms over nearly everything else though.

Uppers are highly addictive and very destructive. Some drugs can cause physical addiction as quickly as 1 or 2 uses. Physical addiction sneaks up quickly and we often kid ourselves when we say we can just put it down at any time.

I think in moderation certain drugs are far more beneficial than anti depressants. But you need to do your research and weigh the risk/rewards of it. Your body will also handle them differently, so keep an eye on that.

I wish you luck and if you need advice or to chat hit me up anytime.

 

[deathbyginger]

Some people fit into the substance abuse disorder diagnosis, but being diagnosed or labelling yourself as that won't do you any good unfortunately.

Take it from me, get off the drugs while you can. I am an opiate addict, mostly because they take away my suicidal thoughts better than any drug. But I'm kinda chained into it unless I wanna get dope sick. And even once I get past the dope sick, I suffer from post-acute withdrawal syndrome with loads of depression unlike I had before I started this shit.

Tell your friends to not sell/give you anymore. They don't you any good in the long term. Periods of sobriety are the highest points because you have more will-power to fix your life.

If you're ever struggling, feel free to shoot me a PM. I sure as hell know what you're going through, and could hope to shed some light on your situation. I sure as hell could use the company too.