Anyone else fully consumed by suicidal thoughts all the time to the point where they cannot function?
I am constantly googling suicide methods, news stories, this forum, etc. Anything to help me get closer.
It's common enough in "dangerously" suicidal people. I found working through the process helped me more than everything else. To stop obsessing over how to kill myself, I put together a short list of methods. Buying supplies, setting things up, doing some practicing and testing helped more. To stop obsessing about what my loved ones will do, I got my affairs in order, packed up, wrote letters, etc. I've still got some lose ends to tie up, but for the most part, it's all over but the waiting, and that's put my mind at ease.
Not my experience, but the right-to-die books I've read say that a lot of older and terminally ill people find it comforting to be prepared, that having something planned out and tucked away helps their state of mind. Even if you're not committed to ending your life, it might help you to plan for it anyway, see if it brings you peace of mind. Gotta be better than obsessing over it non-stop.
