Actually, it usually does get better...

[UpandDownPrincess]

I know that we've all heard it "it will get better." It's easy to say and for us, it's just as easy to scoff at and ignore.

But, in addition to being helpful, this is a no-bullshit kind of place. It's time to call it out and say it usually WILL get better.

Yeah, yeah... but hear me out.

If you are truly at your lowest ebb, it can only get better. There's nowhere to go but up. It's a fact.

What we think of as "better" is too much to expect from anyone, anytime. Many times we say that things cannot get better but what we mean is that things cannot get to the way we envision. We're not looking for just better, we're looking for good, or great, or happy. But that's not what they said. They only offered that it will get better. Better than the depths of hell, better than I wish I was dead, better than feeling the universe is against you. It's not much, but it's all they're promising. Nobody expected me to jump out of my psych ward bed and run a marathon, write a book or any of the other things I've always wanted to do.

How many of our folks have posted on these threads how happy they are to have received their method in the mail? Plenty. Its why most suicides happen not at someone's lowest but when they just start to show signs of recovery. They've finally got some energy, they finally feel a purpose. There's a reason to get out of bed, even of the reason is to plan to ctb.

I'm posting this because I feel like the board is in a bit of a downward spiral lately and we've been indulging in a bit of catastrophic thinking. Lots of people here will be gone soon but others will remain. Why? Because being here is better for them. Better than lots of other feelings, lots of other days, lots of other people to talk to. It's not perfect. It may not be good. It may be just a holding pattern. But it's better than something.

 

[heheb27595]

Shut up, I am getting old.

 

[NotMemorableEnough]

I mostly disagree with time the only things that happend were me getting older also planing ctb never felt better than thinking about it it's all neutral really.

it's more like you know what "better" can be but you don't know how bad it can get.
I'm bad with words but I hope you get my point

 

[ScornedStoic]

Things have literally only ever gotten worse throughout my entire life.

 

[R_N]

Some of us have illnesses that only get worse. So no, sometimes for some people things only get worse.

 

[CynicalHopelessness]

If you are truly at your lowest ebb, it can only get better. There's nowhere to go but up

First, there's no fixed lowest. Shit can keep getting progressively worst in ways you didn't anticipate. Second, even if there's nowhere to go but up, that doesn't mean things will go at all. They can stay shitty indefinitely, or bounce back and forth. You might wake up tomorrow not suicidal at all, and the day after, but the day after that you'd be as suicidal as ever, and so what, did it get better?

 

[seho_j]

To be honest, I don't care if it gets better anymore. I don't want to see happier days, I just want this life to end. I don't want to work for a living, I don't want to live just because I was born. Also, things can always get worse.

 

[LegaliseIt!]

This seems like a thread for the "recovery" or "off topic" forums.
You seem to be describing your personal experience, and I am happy that you are hopeful for your future, but I do find it a bit presumptuous that you are applying your situation to me, by the use of the pronoun "we".
Could you please consider moving this thread, and discussing your personal experience, without including others?
Thank you

 

[Nem]

Things have only gotten worse over the last few years. Even if there has been improvements in one area, other areas get progressively worse. The lesson I learned is when things seem that suicide is logical...it is something to be looked into.
Peace/hugs

 

[Quarky00]

Yeah we get SN and smile - so now living is great?.. sure, straight to recovery and living purposeful life. (NOT)

 

[Polly]

I personally find the "keep a positive outlook" approach quite insulting as it negates my personal experience.

 

[OneBigBlur]

Feeling marginally less shitty is not getting better. The same problems I've always had still remain and there are no fixes for most of them.

 

[Flippy]

For me and my condition, or at least the one I had been formally diagnosed with, I spend several months or weeks at 'rock bottom' then without much warning I bounce back feel better, sometimes fantastic, for maybe almost as long, then just as quickly I'm back at rock bottom again, maybe worse. I'm sick of feeling like I'm a yo-yo. It feels like a real piss take to be shown happiness then to be thrust back into shit again. I hate being depressed but I hate the false promise of optimism far more.

 

[262653]

After that post I began to notice more of those "we" too. I wonder how many manipulative tricks are being used here that we're not aware of...

But you make a point with the cold-steel logic. Never we have considered "it gets better" phrase in that light.

 

[Quarky00]

"Things will get better" is pro-life .... IMHO bit disrespectful

Dunno if we need mod as nothing against rules, but members (not just me) react badly , perhaps move to recovery @SinisterKid .

 

[SinisterKid]

If you had said to me nearly 4 years ago that I could not go any lower, so things could only get better, I would probably have agreed with you. However 7 months ago, I started a slow descent into a depth I never even knew existed. 6 months ago, I was in a place I never, ever, want to return to. If the same thing happens in 3 years time, how the hell do I survive? Yes, things CAN get better, but that does not always mean they WILL get better or that they will stay better if that should happen.

My disability and associated health issues have not "got better" over the last 12 years and they are not going to get better in the next 12 years. I have what I have and that is that. Unless there are some major breakthroughs in neuro science, it will never get better in my limited lifetime. So whilst my mental health may improve my physical health most definitely will not.

So I think we need to be very careful when making such generalisations because whilst they may apply in the majority of instances, they certainly do not apply in all instances.

 

[Carina]

Ok.... now I can get what people say when they say things can get better... but there's this:

You've hit bottom. Nothing can get worse, you're on meds, totally depressed, just failed suicide attempt. things have to get better right?
Car breaks down... ok now better?
appliances all break down.... now?
house burns down... now?
lose leg... now?
lose arm... now?
lose other leg... now?
lose other arm....now?
friends leave you because you're a burden.... now?
lose job and can't get disability because "you can be a greeter at a store"... now can get better? nope....
living on street now can get better? nope, still can fall more.

You can ALWAYS fall more. There is no "bottom" the "bottom" is, well not death because I view that as basically freedom from the pain and suffering but when absolutely nothing else can happen to you, at all. Which means you'd have to be a 'vegetable' in a hospital--but wait, it could STILL get worse! your room could catch fire and you could get burns all over your body--but you don't die. it can always get worse.

People though have a breaking point. It's different for everyone. And I support people's right to do whatever they want to do once they hit that point. I know mine. They know theirs. It might not be at the same point, and that's fine. Some may choose to try and get better--which is great! Some may choose to end the struggle, which is fine too. But I won't try to tell someone it usually gets better, when I know it can always get worse.

 

[Empty Smile]

 

[TheLastGoodbye]

Unfortunately, there's no way to know if you're at your lowest. Sometimes shit just keeps getting worse year after year and those years take a toll. Whenever you think you're at your lowest, things could get better, but they could also get worse. You could wait around the rest of your life in misery for things to get better. At a certain point, you just lose all hope.

 

[Epsilon0]

There might be a few places of respite, a bench or two to sit on and catch my breath.

But the center of my life is botomless.

 

[WhyamIstillhere]

This feels like a mom-blog post

 

[Flippy]

Edit.. Wait...Hey where did the quote go?
I love Bill Hicks! I think that the quote is incomplete, it should have something along the lines of "have you noticed that we always let the demons run amok?..but it's just a ride and we can change it any time we want to..." I think he was more thinking on a more macro level that society needs to change and share the world more fairly so that no one gets crapped on or left behind.

 

[k75]

I think I saw an accusation the this is to pro-life. I think that's silly. I think we're all entitled to our own opinions, but I think this is being taken too literally. Try looking at this issue from a broader point of view. It's a fact that sometimes things get better. They also get worse. It's all very fluid. Nothing is guaranteed to stay one way or the other, and that's the tricky part.

Just because you get depressed again doesn't mean you did not get a little less depressed before. And that's really what I think the first post is saying. Sometimes it feels like you're at the end and then a tiny little thing happens and you hang on another day. Technically something got a little better to take your finger off the trigger.

 

[TotallyIsolated]

I've been in therapy and on medication for over 10 years. I assure you, it does *NOT* get better.

 

[escapefromabuse]

I personally find the "keep a positive outlook" approach quite insulting as it negates my personal experience.

This.

People though have a breaking point. It's different for everyone. And I support people's right to do whatever they want to do once they hit that point. I know mine. They know theirs. It might not be at the same point, and that's fine. Some may choose to try and get better--which is great! Some may choose to end the struggle, which is fine too. But I won't try to tell someone it usually gets better, when I know it can always get worse.

This too.

 

[cant cry]

I agree that this belongs in the Recovery area. If you have a heart to help depressed people, that's great :). A lot of depressed people are desperate for help, and someone to give them hope. But I feel like this section is mainly for people to vent, find others who relate, suicide methods, and to GET AWAY from all the false sounding promises that get thrown at them everywhere else.

 

[Quarky00]

Still appalling even in recovery Telling long-term suicidal members (even recovering) they 'indulge' in 'catastrophic thinking' and 'ebb and flow' that is 'not their lowest point' is insulting. Our lives are a bit more complex than that.

@k75 , I mentioned it has a pro-life stance, after analyzing text, and I stand by that. OP specifically tried to explain what "they" mean (by things getting better), and I wonder who is "they"? :)

I don't see here an innocent mistake ("we") – this was intentional as others mentioned. It is not the first time this member does this, the phrasing is precise ('cold-steel logic'), and OP does not engage. They had already stirred controversy and derailed another post, and despite a kind reply that clarified the issue for them -- they never bothered to answer. There is a pattern of pushing an agenda. The language of 'indulging' is critical and peculiar in our context (members explore death and/or self-harm). Many things here are cleverly critical of the essence of this place.

This was not an op-ed – but a call for members to stop 'spiraling down' to ctb.

I'm posting this because I feel like the board is in a bit of a downward spiral lately and we've been indulging in a bit of catastrophic thinking

Post may appear 'logical' or 'thoughtful' but it's rather empty; cliches and assumptions I recognize from helplines ;) I've heard that enough through the years and know the slogans well. I also recognize known patterns of cognitive therapy (confront patient's thoughts). And we have explored same flimsy arguments ad nauseam (thrw_a_way & Améry et al; critique of pro-life). If it brings comfort to someone, good for them, I'm just pointing that out.

 

[k75]

Still appalling even in recovery Telling long-term suicidal members (even recovering) they 'indulge' in 'catastrophic thinking' and 'ebb and flow' that is 'not their lowest point' is insulting. Our lives are a bit more complex than that.

I completely agree with you here. I saw that but ignored it somehow. I'm really just on the fence, I guess. I chose to interpret it the way I did because I had actually just been thinking about a similar topic.

I just had a mini breakdown and thought everything was over, but I realized things are working themselves out somehow, despite everything I'd been convinced of. ("Things got better.") So maybe I personalized it too much and glossed over a lot of what you pointed out. Some pieces I do agree with, some I don't. I stand by what I originally said, but I also think maybe I'm actually saying something different than the OP after all.

 

[JustLosingMyself]

Yes... it gets better...
Then gets worse than before...
You sink deeper than before, to climb up a bit; but never as you were at your best... always that bit worse

 

[Quarky00]

@k75 glad to hear (If I understood things improve?)

I wasn't addressing my post to you of course.. used you as a hook ;)

I have little disagreement with many notions. SS members have had horrible experiences and have little prospects -- obviously if we've reached here we have a negative outlook on life, lol. Things are bad, sad, or mad. Now people may explore that and perhaps some will find change. I hope so! It would be great to 'get out of the loop', and this is happening constantly in many threads (so what's the point of this post?). However this was rammed through here, in such a superficial manner.

We have our personal story and pain, and it's important. I feel many people resent the way society (therapists public helplines pro-lifers) treats us and our thoughts, in ways that are not attentive, empathic, or caring. And that's what happened here. It triggered me :)