tbh theres no way to do that and for sure not gain back. im anorexic, ive had food issues for a long time. in my experience, u can be forced into treatment and stuff. if i could go back in time and i could only do one thing, it would be to never starve myself. not to be lame or anything, i get thats not what u want to hear. it would have been the last thing i wanted to hear. what makes u want to starve urself? u dont have to say if u dont want to.
i wont tell u some bs "ur bodies a car!" shit. but i thought i would feel in control if i starved myself. and i did feel that way, for like 2 seconds. and now im the most out of control i have ever felt.
if u want to starve urself, thats ur choice. but i wouldnt go into the anorexia career field thinking there is a way to not gain the weight back. its a likely outcome. it could be totally out of ur control. which is like the whole reason ppl want to starve, cuz they feel outta control.
but i understand how u feel. i pray to God i wake up 10lbs lighter or i die in the morning. i remember thinking that starving myself was a solution, i still think that often. but honestly i wouldnt wish this shit on my worst enemy. its just a spiral of misery pretty much. i think ppl online romanticize it, but its so fucking awful. im not gonna tell u what to do, and u can find tips for this stuff other places.
this shit is more addictive than drugs, id rather be addicted to drugs than this. when i was younger i was stuck in a situation that i couldnt control, i felt so trapped. so i starved myself to feel like i had a handle on things. then i was stuck in a situation and also irrataed all the time, weak, being forced to eat and be weighed, and just generally more miserable.
and when i (and many others) were forced to recover, i was a normal weight again. and i still had the disordered mindset. but with what felt like nothing to show for it. the goal post always shifts, i just wanted to lose 10lbs. and then 10 more. if ur in that mindset, it never ends.
i get it. i get feeling so awful that the only solution i could think of was to destory my body in this way. i am so sorry you feel like this is something u need. i am so sorry. all the awful expectations society has, and feeling like u have nothing to control. i am a guy so i dont rly experience the society pressure thing, idk ur gender im not gonna assume. but feeling like ur set up to fail is terrible. at my lowest, i was a healthy weight or whatever, but i still felt anorexic in my brain. u dont have to listen to any of this shit im saying, but i wish someone who actually had an ED told me this. instead of like some random lady who has a good relationship w food being like "ur body needs fuel" yk?
i dont know whats going on in ur life, but i know it must be so fucking hard. with the thoughts and judging, and just everything. theres nothing any person can say to just cure u of these urges. but i understand, and i am so sorry. u deserve so much better than to feel like this, nobody deserves to feel like that.
sorry for the yappathon