Accepting this is it

[OnMyLast Legs]

I can't believe this was my life. 36 years without the arrival of maturity. I was such a better person as a teenager. But I just collapsed around 20.

Death means no more pain but it doesn't mean relief. You can't leave your life, just end it. This was me. A weak, obnoxious failure. Forever and ever, this was me. A bad existence.

How differently I would have lived if I knew about this possible end, the inner destruction that suicides go through. You don't know the weight of these things until it's too late.

 

[unluckysadness]

I think this is it for me too. Almost everything is ready. I just need to clean my home because i'ts very messy. I'm older than you (43) and it's an achievement in itself to be here as a survivor. I collapsed when I was 16 but it really started when I was 10.
I feel you because I'm immature too. Maybe because of an overprotective mother and a toxic family.
Now I'm thinking about donate all my stuff to homeless / poor people after my death. I made my will but finally I don't want to give my money and my stuff to my family. This is our destiny. It's so sad and unfair but it's true.

 

[Terrible_Life]

I can't believe this was my life. 36 years without the arrival of maturity. I was such a better person as a teenager. But I just collapsed around 20.

Death means no more pain but it doesn't mean relief. You can't leave your life, just end it. This was me. A weak, obnoxious failure. Forever and ever, this was me. A bad existence.

How differently I would have lived if I knew about this possible end, the inner destruction that suicides go through. You don't know the weight of these things until it's too late.

I feel exactly like you and I am ten years younger than you. My live was an empty sad experience. I have no moment I could look back at it with a smilie. I just suffered and struggled.
If a life only has negative aspects then its damn exhausting to continue. No shining just darkness. Its unfair and evil how some have so much while others have nothing.
I never had a real connection to anyone. Nothing it all felt like as if i never belonged here in this world

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

What I hate about my life is there was some shining. I was a bright kid and a good athlete. I lacked gratitude, got cocky, and got soft. I thought good things would just happen but I quit all my sources of structure. You can lose yourself fast that way.

 

[itsgone2]

How differently I would have lived if I knew about this possible end, the inner destruction that suicides go through. You don't know the weight of these things until it's too late.

Same. My heart aches literally when I think if I could do it all again, but with this knowledge

 

[dudebl]

I'm 37 and prior to about 33-34 I was successful with a six figure job, albeit miserable, depressed, anxious mess that hated every bit of my job/industry/work at all.

I fell apart, fell into addiction, lost everything, everything. I haven't been able to work in three years because of my collapse.

I would give anything to go back, but that life/future is gone for a multitude of reasons I can't change.

All I want is peace - but actually committing to the final act is soooo hard.