Venting Accepting failure

[Bedrock48]

Yet another failed attempt on 5th March, only just starting to feel better today. I really gave it my all this time but the only methods I have free access to are shit lol. The bridge near my house looks more tempting now but I promised myself I wouldn't use it because my old neighbours son took that route out. Can't deal with the thought of possibly re-traumatising him.

My potassium was 2.7 on examination at hospital (3.5 - 5 is normal). I was so weak that I couldn't walk and my eyes were dry to the point my vision was blurring. Just such a miserable and lonely experience. I wish I could get my hands on a gun, quick enough that I would hardly notice what happened.

Idk, maybe life hurts less than death? Maybe not. Don't know how I'm ever gonna live another 60 years of a 'natural' life let alone the next 5. I guess back to my plan of getting closer and closer to succeeding until my body gives up.

 

[WornOutLife]

We're in similar situations! I've also had some failed attempts (last year's one was terrible!)
Also, I have no idea if I'll be able to live on this planet for 60 more years! Sounds crazy!

 

[Toptock]

Honestly mate, if the bridge works for you, then it's a valid option. You don't need to cater your method of CTB to the world around you. If you need to leave a party, you take whichever door is quickest, am I right?

 

[rs929]

I don't know why most of us assume we'll live 50 or 60 years more. I think it's depression playing with our minds.
If not by suicide, we could die in the next few days, months of years due to different causes. It's not like everybody gets to live till 80

Honestly mate, if the bridge works for you, then it's a valid option. You don't need to cater your method of CTB to the world around you. If you need to leave a party, you take whichever door is quickest, am I right?

Taking the quickest way out sounds a bit impulsive though.

 

[Lost10]

Nothing wrong with minimizing pain. I think a lot of us are here because we've spent our lives more worried about others than ourselves.

 

[Toptock]

Taking the quickest way out sounds a bit impulsive though.

How is that impulsive? Its only impulsive if you do it so you don't have time to back out. Or if you haven't given it full thought. I'd shoot myself if i could, that's the quickest way there is imo. But that's not impulsive. I think I get where you're coming from, but with proper planning you don't need to worry about appearing impulsive. It's all in your prep and execution

 

[Bedrock48]

@Toptock You do make a valid point but it'll probably stay decently far down the list for now. I also don't want to use it right now as there's a lot of people calling for those prison style fences to be installed on the bridge. I don't want to be a catalyst for that to happen or, God forbid, have my face used in any sort of anti-choice bs. I appreciate your reply though, it's food for thought.

@rs929 I mean yeah, i can only hope it won't be that long. My bodies proved pretty rigid so far and I'm from a line of long-livers so I except to be similar. Maybe I can't take up some extreme sports or backpack in random countries to speed up the process!

@Lost10 Definitely, the only thing that's really holding me back is the impact my leaving will have. I want to leave as quietly and as peacefully as possible for everyone else. I sometimes wish I was a little more selfish.