abusion of meds | what do I do?

[Qua]

Yesterday (20.07.2024) I took the maximum amount for two different calming medications and swallowed them both with vodka. I was feeling really down, got wasted and kinda high on meds (they make you feel mostly just numb and sleepy).Today | had a good day, nothing indicated that I might start feeling like shit around 7/8 P.M. I was crying, trembling and feeling like shit for a couple hours. I couldn't hold my tears in and it was the first time ever I asked my bestfriend to come over only to comfort me because I felt like I was going to break down completely. Thoughts of abusing calming meds and swallowing them down with vodka were really loud and I could barely keep myself in tact. I honestly don't know what to make out of it. I don't plan on killing myself soon, especially not by taking random calming meds with vodka and calling it a day. I'm kinda anxious about getting addicted, but don't know what to do about it.
Sitting with my friend honestly helped me a lot.Now I'm just sitting, drinking some vodka and not planning on taking any kinds of meds with it. However, it honestly still bothers me how my mind wants me to escape to meds and drinking when I feel bad and genuinely need help of some sort.
I don't know if i should tell my psychiatrist about it since I'm afraid she'd either take my meds away or put me into a psychoward.
Why can't I just be normal and cope with my emotions on a safe and reasonable level? It's making me feel disgusted with myself but I don't know what I could do when the voices get too loud.

 

[lacrimosa]

That sounds like withdrawal symptoms.

You can ask your psychiatrist or doctor to give you a limited prescription where you only are prescribed meds one week at a time because you don't want to abuse them. They will understand and limit your access so you don't abuse them.

If you are sure you won't abuse them, that is. If this will work for you, then go for it. If not, then consider quitting but not cold turkey becasuse if they are benzo's, you will have a hard time quitting cold turkey.

My advice, talk to your psychiatrist regarding your meds and make sure they are aware of what happened because the afterwards results are definitely not worth it IMHO.