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wildgoat1995

lost all hope
Jul 4, 2020
6
Good day,

I'm looking for help. I have extremely low self esteem. My mum was verbally abusive and that has destroyed me on the inside. I hope that I can recover but my image is so bad I don't know what to do.

She made fun of me and called me awful names even until this day. It's part of the reason why I want to ctb.


Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.
 
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JoeFailure

Mage
Apr 29, 2019
591
I'm really sorry to hear about all of that. It's hard to make sense of how people can be that cruel.

What's your current situation? Do you live with her or have to maintain contact with her? If not I would cut it off, at least for now.

This part is tough...but you have to know and keep reminding yourself that all of that is bullshit. They're just words someone else said. You don't have to internalize it. That probably takes practice and repetition of literally telling yourself that.

After that I would say try to meet new people through any hobbies you have or things you want to try, exercising and working out, those things can help too. If you surround yourself with better people it can really help.
 
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Isadeth

Isadeth

Visionary
Jun 12, 2020
2,538
I'm very sorry to see that your mother has been abusive towards you and that it's playing a vital role in you wanting to ctb. I can relate. My mother's verbal abuse triggered my first attempt at 9 years old. She had told me she couldn't wait until I was dead, I ruined her life, and that she wouldn't even attend my funeral. Very hash to hear at 9. So I went to hang myself in our attic. It obviously didn't work. But there after I went down the road of self harm and other attempts. She was in active addiction then with alcohol and I was basically her parent.

My best advice is, if you can distance yourself from her, do it. Focus on yourself and do not give her a chance to say those hurtful things to you. Easier said than done, especially since I don't know your living situation or your relationship with her. But I can relate and it's not right, her words are untrue and you shouldn't let them even occupy space in your mind. Surround yourself with positive people that wouldn't dream of tearing you down for their own amusement. There are nice people out there that will root for you. Support groups are also a good resource. Especially to find others that have dealt with the same situations. ♡
 
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