Venting Absolutely Awful Shit

[Daxter_87]

It's 5:30 in the morning and I haven't even gone to bed yet; it's been like this for a few days now. My mother is in hospital, although I think she is recovering well. My OCD is worse than ever, all tasks and chores take more time than ever, and lots of trigger noises as usual. What an absolute pile of shit of a life, if you can call it that at this point. To give you an idea, I do nothing but chores, compulsions, and rituals all day long, literally all day long, and yet a family member of mine expects me to do more, because "I'm of a certain age and that's what everyone does". Well, guess what, not only do I not care about "what everyone does" because I've been forced into this idiotic life, but I couldn't do "what everyone does" even if I wanted to. She just can't see or understand that this fucked up brain of mine is preventing me from being functional at all - outwardly nothing seems wrong, but I promise you that inwardly it can be as disabling as, say, having broken legs. I told her the other day that it took me ~3 hours to finish a meal, and the best she could come up with was just a casual laugh. Yeah, so fucking funny. Well, whatever...

Anyway, I wonder if I should wait for my parents to die first and then follow them, or just fuck it all and get the fuck out of here as soon as possible. Of course, the wisest course of action is to leave as soon as possible, but the fact that assisted suicide is illegal and that I live with other people are two big deterrents, otherwise I would be gone before dawn.

Before I forget, I may or may not reply to anyone who replies to this thread, so I can't promise anything. Feel free to say anything though.

Now off to bed until the next shitty day...

 

[tinystomps]

Gah, I am so fucking sorry you're dealing with this. I wish I had advice. I understand the challenges of taking care of a dying family member. It's hell.

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be really torturous what you go through, I understand why you'd just wish to be gone, it's horrifying how assisted suicide is illegal despite all the suffering existing causes. But anyway best wishes.