I'm going to have to do it soon. I just found out I got rejected for unemployment. I have $6,000 left in savings. I'm going to run out of money eventually. I need to get my method and just fucking do it before I'm really broke and can't afford to do it how I want. I can't fucking do anything. I'm so fucking pathetic. I've wanted to kill myself for so long. I decided to do it a year ago and I'm not making any fucking progress just like I've never made any fucking progress towards anything in my fucking life. I need to get a gun but my fucking social anxiety and executive disfunction is making it completely impossible for me to just walk into a gun place "hello I'd like a gun please." I can't do anything. I've needed to get shit fixed in my car for a year and I can't make myself do that either. I can't do fucking anything. I'm so tired of this I just want to be done. I just want to leave. I feel like people will see my putting off killing myself as evidence that I don't actually want to but I've put off every single thing no matter how much I want to get it done. That's why I want to kill myself. Because I can't do any of this shit. I tried so hard for so long but I can't. It's time to give up. I never get it done how I want to. But now the actual deadline is approaching. I have three months of living costs. I either die or start living. I hope so fucking badly I just fucking do it. I'm going to start looking into easier methods. The last thing I want is to try and fail and get caught so I was really leaning towards gun but whatever. Maybe I'll just jump off a bridge. I hope I die before I turn 24 on november 27th. If I don't I will never forgive myself.
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FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 42,615
I'm sorry you are suffering. I understand it is hard to carry on when everything is hopeless. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.
I can feel the pain in your words. I hope you can find another method. If not, I wish that you could finally find the peace that you are looking for
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