This saturday we met in our college self-help group. Only two people came. Me and the person who I had the feeling he might have a pretty painful life as well. I noticed compared to others (not me) he has the highest pain level in that group. There were many hints. I will stay vague on most details. There is always the risk of being identified.
I was once again way too confining/trusting the other person. This can be a part of psychotic symptoms. I am not sure how often that happened. It happens in this forum literally every single day. It happened towards one person in my traineeship and very randomly. In this instance I have no clue why it happened. Towards this bipolar woman that happend recently. But in the past she showed similar behavior towards me and other people. It happened in my bipolar self-help group too. I regret my explanations of my suicidality there. I received so many platitudes as an answer.
And for the first time it happened now in college. I am studying now for a few years.
At first it was in a self-help group. So there it is needed to open up about yourself. We were one-o one. The person admitted suicidality. He tried to kill himself a couple of times. Told me the methods but stayed very vague. He told me he thinks there is no other option for him eventually than to ctb.
This was the moment I decided to be very open. It sort of became too much of a monologue. I was explicit in many instances but I had the feeling he is trustworthy. He even asked me whether some topics are not too discrete for me. I was vulnerable for sure. But I had red lines which I did not cross.
It reminded me of my talk with the family dad in my bipolar self-help group where we admitted to each other that there is no alternative besides suicide. But in contrast the talk in my bipolar group was mainly suicide centred.
The guy from my self-help group on Saturday was not very informed about the lethality of methods. I told him what I tried, that I know which methods are successful at a high rate but I won't explain him how he is able to kill himself. I don't feel comfortable doing that inter alia the legal consequences are scary and maybe he has better options than suicide. I was more serious than him on suicide. I had detailed method knwoledge which stunned him somewhat. I certainly won't tell him about this forum. This post might be dangerous he is suicidal and it is not impossible he might find this forum one day. However he seems pretty trustworthy.
Afer my monologue about my living hell he warned me other people could gossip about me in case I am so transparent in front of many people. Well it was the first time it happened at college. Even my close college friends are not aware of my suicidality. I wanted to have a deep talk, I was in a weird mood, it was pathological, he seemed like a genuinely good person, it was a self-help group and I needed to put some weight off my chest. I did some research afterwards and even in the scenario he threatened me I could easily doxx him. He literally doxxed himself. This is why I won't explain more. So I have some dirt on him despite the fact he now knows a lot (more) about me. Moreover I am absolutely a no-name at my college. Barely anyone knows me. The people have their own issues and don't care about me. And usually I don't care about them.
It was an interesting self-help experience. The biggest fear is he might find this forum. But the chance is unlikely that he reads this thread. Or remembers it in the future. The description is too vague. Why should he invest all the time in attacking me? Though in general he seemed to be like a genuiney good person. I am usually pretty good assessing who too trust. But maybe I am overestimating myself. Though I am pretty good at assessing for example how people will react to it when I drop the bomb about my suicidality. And how to prepare them for that.
I had a few very interesting insights because of this meeting but I won't disclose the topics now. I will talk about in other threads but not in this context the fear of being identified is too big. Maybe this is the only time my paranoia has a good purpose.
The first time I came to the group I thought the people there don't have as severe issues as me. He has big issues (he was also the person I suspected the most - but the only one) but my issues are even bigger. Lol.
I was once again way too confining/trusting the other person. This can be a part of psychotic symptoms. I am not sure how often that happened. It happens in this forum literally every single day. It happened towards one person in my traineeship and very randomly. In this instance I have no clue why it happened. Towards this bipolar woman that happend recently. But in the past she showed similar behavior towards me and other people. It happened in my bipolar self-help group too. I regret my explanations of my suicidality there. I received so many platitudes as an answer.
And for the first time it happened now in college. I am studying now for a few years.
At first it was in a self-help group. So there it is needed to open up about yourself. We were one-o one. The person admitted suicidality. He tried to kill himself a couple of times. Told me the methods but stayed very vague. He told me he thinks there is no other option for him eventually than to ctb.
This was the moment I decided to be very open. It sort of became too much of a monologue. I was explicit in many instances but I had the feeling he is trustworthy. He even asked me whether some topics are not too discrete for me. I was vulnerable for sure. But I had red lines which I did not cross.
It reminded me of my talk with the family dad in my bipolar self-help group where we admitted to each other that there is no alternative besides suicide. But in contrast the talk in my bipolar group was mainly suicide centred.
The guy from my self-help group on Saturday was not very informed about the lethality of methods. I told him what I tried, that I know which methods are successful at a high rate but I won't explain him how he is able to kill himself. I don't feel comfortable doing that inter alia the legal consequences are scary and maybe he has better options than suicide. I was more serious than him on suicide. I had detailed method knwoledge which stunned him somewhat. I certainly won't tell him about this forum. This post might be dangerous he is suicidal and it is not impossible he might find this forum one day. However he seems pretty trustworthy.
Afer my monologue about my living hell he warned me other people could gossip about me in case I am so transparent in front of many people. Well it was the first time it happened at college. Even my close college friends are not aware of my suicidality. I wanted to have a deep talk, I was in a weird mood, it was pathological, he seemed like a genuinely good person, it was a self-help group and I needed to put some weight off my chest. I did some research afterwards and even in the scenario he threatened me I could easily doxx him. He literally doxxed himself. This is why I won't explain more. So I have some dirt on him despite the fact he now knows a lot (more) about me. Moreover I am absolutely a no-name at my college. Barely anyone knows me. The people have their own issues and don't care about me. And usually I don't care about them.
It was an interesting self-help experience. The biggest fear is he might find this forum. But the chance is unlikely that he reads this thread. Or remembers it in the future. The description is too vague. Why should he invest all the time in attacking me? Though in general he seemed to be like a genuiney good person. I am usually pretty good assessing who too trust. But maybe I am overestimating myself. Though I am pretty good at assessing for example how people will react to it when I drop the bomb about my suicidality. And how to prepare them for that.
I had a few very interesting insights because of this meeting but I won't disclose the topics now. I will talk about in other threads but not in this context the fear of being identified is too big. Maybe this is the only time my paranoia has a good purpose.
The first time I came to the group I thought the people there don't have as severe issues as me. He has big issues (he was also the person I suspected the most - but the only one) but my issues are even bigger. Lol.
