Method A slow departure

[Jezzibell]

I am very underweight. Anorexia BP. When I stop taking supplements and electrolytes. I get quite ill. Especially potassium. My k levels sit around 2.

I take a lot of heart affecting drugs daily - domperidone, lasix, amytriptilene, mysimba weight loss drug.

I am very anaemic. I cut my veins to bleed. I did this before and my body had 2 3rds less red blood cells because the malnourishment means my body doesn't create more.

Before my blinking nosy neighbour found me passed out and I landed up in hospital for a transfusion. The doctors couldn't work out how I lost the blood. Lol. They didn't even really ask why I had big plasters on my arm. They tried to section me for my weight.

But now, noone can find me. It'll be weeks before I'm found.

My legs are locking again, I keep fainting, and my heart has gone mad. I need something to finish me off. I managed to get quite a lot of blood out tonight. I've stopped all supplements I'm supposed to take. Vit D, calcium, K vthuamine, zinc, phosphorus, vit b compound and zinc.

I want sn but this doesn't seem possible. I'm ordering other drugs. We'll see what happens. Hopefully I can have a massive coronary overnight.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like such a horrible way to try and die but anyway I hope you find the freedom you are searching for. It's cruel how people are denied options of more peaceful ways to die.

 

[Ayloy]

Honestly slow pain is something you get used to. This might not be as bad as an option as it sounds.

 

[just_so_done]

I'm sorry you're in so much pain but I hope you find the peace you're looking for. If you don't have a massive coronary overnight (I agree with fineralcry that all sounds like a painful way to go) can you let us know you're still kicking? I've seen alot of your posts and reactions and you're one of the few ppl here I feel familiar with.

 

[Aisley]

My heart's breaking for you. I don't say that to try and weigh you down, doubt if I even could at this point; just want you to know people feel a portion of your pain.
I hope you tied up your loose ends, too. I say it like that because I'm not trying to unravel this thread into noise. I'm so sorry.

 

[Jezzibell]

Today was bad in the morning. Tight chest. Pins and needles. Passing out. I hate myself. If I could stop eating I would be dead. But I have an eating disorder. When I eat I feel OK. So its self sabotage. I think though its doable if I keep losing blood.

But. I'm worried as I have to drive 200 mile round trip for a consultants appointment for my court case. I really don't see the point as I won't be here to get the money. And I haven't left my house in 6 months. Basically Dr didn't ice walkway and I slipped and broke my hip. I feel guilty for the solicitors though - no win no fee - so I think I will need to show willing.

I wonder if I pass out in the bath whether its possible to drown? Or will I wake up choking from the water?

 

[just_so_done]

I totally get the self sabotage and struggling with an eating disorder. I'm sorry you're struggling so much.

Only you can decide whether you want to go but imagine if for some reason you ended up deciding to stay alive, would you want that money? If yes then my only concern is you driving and if you're feeling faint passing out and hurting someone else. If you go please try to get a ride or something.

As for the choking, i think if you passed out with nothing in your system your body might go into survival mode and you choke up the water versus if you took something to sedate yourself maybe less likely? I'm not that knowledgeable though so maybe someone else in the community can answer.

 

[Jezzibell]

I totally get the self sabotage and struggling with an eating disorder. I'm sorry you're struggling so much.

Only you can decide whether you want to go but imagine if for some reason you ended up deciding to stay alive, would you want that money? If yes then my only concern is you driving and if you're feeling faint passing out and hurting someone else. If you go please try to get a ride or something.

As for the choking, i think if you passed out with nothing in your system your body might go into survival mode and you choke up the water versus if you took something to sedate yourself maybe less likely? I'm not that knowledgeable though so maybe someone else in the community can answer.

Thank you. Yes I'd rather not drive but I can't find a reasonable taxi - they quote around 300. I can't do public transport in my state. If I feel faint I won't drive. I don't care about myself but I couldn't live with hurting others. My cars clutch is so stiff and I find it really hard to change gears.

I think you're right about survival mode kicking in to save myself. Blinking body. I hate it.

 

[Jezzibell]

Today I am very weak and discombobulated. It must be lack of k.

 

[endofafoxtwo]

This seems like a rather shitty way to go, but I suppose not the worst.
I really don't see any good reason why the government sees it necessary to make it this difficult to end one's own life peacefully. Especially since euthanasia is legal in a lot of countries for cancer patients etc.

 

[CentreMid]

I am very underweight. Anorexia BP. When I stop taking supplements and electrolytes. I get quite ill. Especially potassium. My k levels sit around 2.

I take a lot of heart affecting drugs daily - domperidone, lasix, amytriptilene, mysimba weight loss drug.

I am very anaemic. I cut my veins to bleed. I did this before and my body had 2 3rds less red blood cells because the malnourishment means my body doesn't create more.

Before my blinking nosy neighbour found me passed out and I landed up in hospital for a transfusion. The doctors couldn't work out how I lost the blood. Lol. They didn't even really ask why I had big plasters on my arm. They tried to section me for my weight.

But now, noone can find me. It'll be weeks before I'm found.

My legs are locking again, I keep fainting, and my heart has gone mad. I need something to finish me off. I managed to get quite a lot of blood out tonight. I've stopped all supplements I'm supposed to take. Vit D, calcium, K vthuamine, zinc, phosphorus, vit b compound and zinc.

I want sn but this doesn't seem possible. I'm ordering other drugs. We'll see what happens. Hopefully I can have a massive coronary overnight.

That sounds excruciating. I'm very sorry that you've had to resort to such a painful way to go. But I hope you find peace soon

 

[unnormal9]

Honestly slow pain is something you get used to. This might not be as bad as an option as it sounds.

No—it is not.

 

[fakeimportance]

I just want to say that you're not alone. I actually also suffer with anorexia. It kind of feels like a slow suicide sometimes doesn't it?

 

[just_so_done]

It feels like I'm slowly dying and i can feel my body deteriorating

 

[howl pendragon]

I wish you get the peace you seek, and that your final moments are as peacefull as it can be. I'm sad that you couldn't get your 1st choice to CTB.

 

[sadToast]

im sorry youre going through so much pain, no one deserves that at all. i hope you can find the peace you deserve <3

 

[Jezzibell]

So I'm in a very bad place. I'm so ill I can barely move
WAITING for paramedics. Terrified I will be sectioned
paramedics 3 hrs delay.

 

[just_so_done]

Hope you're doing ok, so sorry it's gotten this bad and you need the paramedics. three hour delay tho?!!!! That's absurd. Right now just focus on breathing and know I'm thinking of you, we all are. You are not alone even if it might feel like that at times

 

[pickajack]

Thinking about you and wishing you comfort

 

[timetodie24]

So I'm in a very bad place. I'm so ill I can barely move
WAITING for paramedics. Terrified I will be sectioned
paramedics 3 hrs delay.

I'm so sorry things are so tough and painful right now. That's an awfully long wait. Assuming ambulance has come by now. Thinking of you. Hope staff are kind and helpful, and that you're able to return home soon if they took you to hospital .

 

[Jezzibell]

No

I'm so sorry things are so tough and painful right now. That's an awfully long wait. Assuming ambulance has come by now. Thinking of you. Hope staff are kind and helpful, and that you're able to return home soon if they took you to hospital .

Ambulance never came. I've tried justanswer.com as still cannot get an appointment with gp. Hopeless. I tried the online doctor. They won't help. I'm back with 111 again

 

[just_so_done]

what?! the ambulance never showed up? I know the medical system is screwed up but that I don't get. I'm so sorry you're in so much pain and not getting the help you need. Thinking of you

 

[timetodie24]

Wtf I'm so sorry. How can one minute they think you're so ill you need ambulance and the next decide not to send one at all. I'm so sorry they're just leaving you to suffer . I hope 111 can actually do something this time. Sounds like you've tried all the different channels . It's so unfair you're left in so much pain.

 

[pickajack]

If this is out of line, ignore it, but maybe try and take some electrolytes or soup if you can manage. Wishing you ease and comfort.

 

[terminatepain]

For the first time i was afraid of anorexia. Than I feel comfortabe with it. I got eine kind of stength i never exoected

 

[Readytogo246]

This sounds really hard. I hope you succeed and fin peace.

 

[Jezzibell]

If this is out of line, ignore it, but maybe try and take some electrolytes or soup if you can manage. Wishing you ease and comfort.

Having had anorexia for over 30 years, I know how to treat myself. Taking electrolytes or eating defeats the object.

This is not going to work. My body, even at bmi of 9, is way to healthy. I'm purging anything I eat or drink. Even water and coffee. I keep losing weight but that could be diuretics. Lol. So now I have a sure fire method. But I still can't bring myself to not purge. Disaster.

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

that sounds like an awful death though :/

 

[Letgo]

How are you?

 

[Jezzibell]

Yes I'm ok thanks. As above I now have new surefire method. I am binge purge subtype its impossible for me to just not eat or drink xxxxx