Discussion a question for trans people

[endless-void]

Not trying to offend, I'm asking this genuinely. It's related to deadname and suicide, so if it is triggering to you feel 100% free to ignore.

If being deadnamed after your death is something that hurts to think about, why not fighting for that not to happen in order to die in peace? although I feel one of the reasons of being suicidal is not being supported by your loved ones. And if it doesn't hurt to think that, then what's even the point of labeling yourself as something if you're going to be dead soon anyway?

It's a question which I can't seem to find the answer of no matter how hard I think about it.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

i think for some the pain of being deadnamed while alive is more painful than the thought of it after death, and for many people its impossible to get their relatives etc. to stop deadnaming them, so even though it hurts its probably not worth the effort and theyd rather just die to escape the pain they feel in life.
for those that dont care about being deadnamed after death but still chose to change their name before they die, its probably more to do with honouring themselves and letting themselves live as they truly are in what little time they have left. for me ive never really cared about after death because ill be dead, i wont know. but while im alive i couldnt stand living with my deadname, i dont know when ill be able to finally die, death isnt readily accessible to everyone, so while im still here i chose to change my name because it makes what time i have left just a tiny bit more bearable.
sorry if i misunderstood your question.

 

[BlackMoon]

why not fighting for that not to happen in order to die in peace?

I'll never die in peace, that's impossible. I'll die to find peace (I hope). People will never cease to misgender me, alive or not. I just want to avoid their transphobia and their stigma.

although I feel one of the reasons of being suicidal is not being supported by your loved ones.

I don't even have loved ones so I can't relate to this but I assume some others have.

 

[Berzzen]

im suicidal, but being trans has been one of the good things in my life, so maybe my perspective isnt exactly what youre looking for, but i wanted to chime in.

im generally not worried about being deadnamed after i die. i already get deadnamed in certain parts of my family when i'm not there. ive cut those parts of my family out, and let them go. i dont talk to those friends anymore.

im lucky, i got to move to a different city after college change my name. now the shitty half of my family doesnt have enough hold on me in life to claim my body when i die. so they wont be able to print an obituary with my deadname or put my corpse in a suit and tie in the coffin, or whatever cruel things they would want to do. all they'll be able to do is deadname me to eachother, which, ok fine they already do that.

and deadnaming isnt always the worst thing anyway, unless its done maliciously. occasionally an old friend from high school will reach out, but wont know my new name. thats ok. so like, for me theres not much to be bothered about.

though, all this just gets me thinking, maybe i should plan my own funeral, and have all that stuff ready to go, so whenever the day comes its not too annoying to like, make phamplets or whatever.

 

[Scythe]

Eh, I'll be dead who cares. I don't want to come out to my family anyways. Stay in the closet, I don't care about what my family sees me or calls me. My friends know I'm trans and that's enough. Since most of them just call me my online name, a lot of them don't even know my chosen name and that's fine by me. I like my online name anyway.

 

[Rogue Proxy]

Pardon me if I step a little off topic, but one of my favorite videos from the "Ask A Mortician" series addresses misgendering and deadnaming after death, and how to protect your identity.


Additionally, if you are able to purchase a preplanned burial or cremation arrangement, you can write your own death notice and/or obituary, and even include your favorite portrait photo. Writing your own death notice and/or obituary (and adding your own photo) helps preserve your identity after death, and gives you a chance to voice your own final words. Ask the funeral director about whether they can submit your prewritten death notice, obituary, and/or photo for publication. And check the death notice and obituary submission guidelines of your preferred newspaper.

 

[Snowstorm]

people who won't deadname me after death are the reason i can be at peace when i die. the reality is even if i lived to be old, i will never feel safe in society, and thats exactly what extremist type transphobes have been working towards. so ill cut my losses and realize there will be people who wont ever get my name right, even when im gone, it hurts but theres no amount of work that will fix it entirely.