A possible solution for me – ideas appreciated

[Sensei]

So, I had to stay at home in self-imposed quarantine for a week. I didn't leave my apartment a single time and didn't meet a single person face to face. Then back to work at my shut-down school. I have to work alone in a classroom to avoid spreading the virus, only talking with colleagues every now and then, and we only have online lessons, so I only PM with my pupils and briefly. Although society hasn't shut down, everything is in low gear, so to speak, but I've had the opportunity to see one of the few friends I have left at least. So, you could say that I mostly have been alone for almost two weeks by now.

I FUCKING LOVE THIS! Excuse my French, but that's how I feel. I haven't felt this good in a long time. It's wonderful, really: no social pressure, not having to feel like a failure, not having to meet people I don't like, and so on. If I could live like this all the time, or preferably a life in 80–90 % isolation, I think my desire to die would decrease dramatically. I would obviously not be able to isolate myself from my bipolar disorder, but I'm certain it would become much easier to handle my symptoms and I can always self-medicate. You could say that living a life like that would be like giving up, and that it would be a simple and pathetic existence, but I don't care. A life like that is all I need.

Now, I have no idea how to achieve that. I don't mind working hard at all, as long as I can do it in partial isolation. I'm a writer on the side, but I can at best support myself for 2–3 months a year on my earnings from that, given that I can get one book published every year, which is far from certain. I'm not likely to write a bestseller anytime soon, I'm afraid. I'm in my early middle age, so moving to another city or switching careers are difficult, although not completely impossible. I usually adapt quickly. I'm stress-sensitive due to my bipolar disorder, so all kinds of risky ventures are unfortunately out of the question. Living on disability might seem to be an obvious solution, but that's not a viable option for a multitude of reasons.

Admittedly, this is not an easily solved problem. However, I've seen people getting their problems solved by other forum members many times, so I thought I should throw out the question. Any idea how I can live a life in, preferably, 80–90 % isolation?

 

[Darkhaven]

I will tag along as i would also like to know, lol.
Spending time alone makes my mental health boost like anything i've ever seen. I feel a sudden change in my mood in just a day or two of being alone. Unfortunately i rarely have that pleasure.
I owe it to myself to try and get some space for myself before i do anything rash.

 

[tooStupidForExitBag]

To me it sounds like a switch in careers would be the best option (not that I can think of many options).

There exists many jobs that allow you to work full time from home. As a CS student the one that comes to mind is software developer. If you happen to be bilingual you could probably get a job as a translator, or perhaps you could work as an online tutor, .

 

[Sensei]

I will tag along as i would also like to know, lol.
Spending time alone makes my mental health boost like anything i've ever seen. I feel a sudden change in my mood in just a day or two of being alone. Unfortunately i rarely have that pleasure.
I owe it to myself to try and get some space for myself before i do anything rash.

I feel you. Unfortunately, it's almost imposible to get space for myself more than I already do, mostly due to my occupation.

To me it sounds like a switch in careers would be the best option (not that I can think of many options).

For the better or the worse, I think you're right.

There exists many jobs that allow you to work full time from home. As a CS student the one that comes to mind is software developer. If you happen to be bilingual you could probably get a job as a translator, or perhaps you could work as an online tutor, .

I actually took a computing course in college and it turned out that I'm an alright programmer, but not really good, and very far from talented. So, that option won't work, unfortunately. Translating is a very interesting option. I had a quick look and it's evidently possible to earn a living on it and it's a constantly expanding market. I'll have to study this option in more detail and see how viable it is. Online tutoring would definitely suit me, but it's unfortunately very rare in my country.

Thanks for the suggestions! :) I'll definitely look into translation.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Translating is a very interesting option.

I have a friend that works from home teaching English as a foreign language. Most of his clients are Russian and Japanese.

 

[Sensei]

I have a friend that works from home teaching English as a foreign language. Most of his clients are Russian and Japanese.

Interesting. Do you think they'd be interested in someone who's not a native English speaker, though?

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Interesting. Do you think they'd be interested in someone who's not a native English speaker, though?

I really have no idea. If you can speak English well enough to teach it to those of your native tongue then I'd imagine it would be fine. No idea how to start such a business though. I could always ask him if you were interested.

 

[Epsilon0]

I really have no idea. If you can speak English well enough to teach it to those of your native tongue then I'd imagine it would be fine. No idea how to start such a business though. I could always ask him if you were interested.

@Underscore "Please don't come with problems, only solutions."

 

[Deleted member 1465]

@Underscore "Please don't come with problems, only solutions."

Hahaha there is no polite response to that except maybe (puts on petulant voice) I think you'll find I did offer a a possible solution and a posible follow up. Nenarnenar.

 

[Sensei]

I really have no idea. If you can speak English well enough to teach it to those of your native tongue then I'd imagine it would be fine. No idea how to start such a business though. I could always ask him if you were interested.

It never hurts to ask. Ideally, it would be something I can try on a small scale and gradually put more time and effort into if I want to. Thanks for the tip. :)

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I'll message him. Do me a favour? Bump this thread sometime tomorrow in case I forget I'm in bed on my phone right now and not great at multitasking on the phone.

 

[Epsilon0]

Hahaha there is no polite response to that except maybe (puts on petulant voice) I think you'll find I did offer a a possible solution and a posible follow up. Nenarnenar.

That was my way of letting you know I read your other post. Isn't that just a little bit flattering?

 

[Deleted member 1465]

That was my way of letting you know I read your other post. Isn't that just a little bit flattering?

My problem is I forget stuff as soon as I've posted it. I've got a memory like a thingymebob

 

[Epsilon0]

My problem is I forget stuff as soon as I've posted it. I've got a memory like a thingymebob

Say what? What are you talking about?

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Say what? What are you talking about?

 

[Epsilon0]

@Underscore
I have a good joke for you.


An old lady and her elderly husband having tea in the living room:


Lady: Have you heard about Mary? She took her dog out for a walk and forgot it in the park.

Husband: Dreadful business. Thank God, we're not that senile!

Lady: Yes, thank God.

Husband: Knock on wood!

(one second later)

Husband: Come in! It's open.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

@Underscore
I have a good joke for you.


An old lady and her elderly husband having tea in the living room:


Lady: Have you heard about Mary? She took her dog out for a walk and forgot it in the park.

Husband: Dreadful business. Thank God, we're not that senile!

Lady: Yes, thank God.

Husband: Knock on wood!

(one second later)

Husband: Come in! It's open.

I have only forgotten to wear my trousers to work that one time so I'm okay.

 

[Epsilon0]

I have only forgotten to wear my trousers to work that one time so I'm okay.

Coz all the other times, you forgot to go to work altogether, right?

(Last post, excuse me @Sensei for going ot)

 

[Sensei]

(Last post, excuse me @Sensei for going ot)

I can hardly blame you for that, because I do it all the time myself, sometimes even in my own threads. :P

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I can hardly blame you for that, because I do it all the time myself, sometimes even in my own threads. :P

Lol I do it constantly but I try to pick threads where I guess no one will mind.

 

[L-L]

Sensei I've not posted in a long old time now, but wanted to ask you: do your students value your lessons? Are they turning up to your online classes?

I ask because I see, possibly somewhat naively, quite a lot of similarities between you and I. I, too, am actually really enjoying quarantine and don't feel as bad as I did a few weeks ago. However, I also know that I'm a good teacher. I know that if I left, the person who comes after me probably wouldn't care as much, wouldn't help the kids as much, and wouldn't work as hard. I know I'm useful.

Even if a life less interactive is for you, have you considered staying in teaching?

Apologies if this is too familiar, or over the line.

 

[Sensei]

Sensei I've not posted in a long old time now, but wanted to ask you: do your students value your lessons? Are they turning up to your online classes?

I ask because I see, possibly somewhat naively, quite a lot of similarities between you and I. I, too, am actually really enjoying quarantine and don't feel as bad as I did a few weeks ago. However, I also know that I'm a good teacher. I know that if I left, the person who comes after me probably wouldn't care as much, wouldn't help the kids as much, and wouldn't work as hard. I know I'm useful.

Even if a life less interactive is for you, have you considered staying in teaching?

Apologies if this is too familiar, or over the line.

Welcome back! I wondered why you disappeared and I feared the worst. I hope you're alright and recovering, or that things at least haven't turned to the worse.

You raise a very good question. First I thought, should I give an honest answer? Then I'll appear narcissistic and possibly even delusional. Then I thought, what does it matter? I contemplate killing myself after all. So to be honest, my colleagues tell me that my pupils love me and I've lost track of how many times pupils have told me that I'm the best teacher in our school or even the best teacher they've ever had. Now, this does not mean that I really am a good teacher, because I'm probably only a mediocre one, but it means that my pupils trust me and like me. I really enjoy teaching and interacting with my pupils. When it's at its best, I think I'd do it for free. I don't really want to pursue another line of work, possibly with the exception of working full-time as an author.

So, I don't want to get away from my pupils. On the contrary. I want to get away from my colleagues. They're not bad people and they're not bullies in any respect, but they're typical teachers: bland middle class people who live almost identical lives. They're essentially clones. Among them, I'm always the odd man out and feel like a failure, and I'm probably also seen as one too. In other contexts, there are different kinds of people and I more seldom feel like an oddball, but I always do and always will among teachers. It probably sounds trivial, but because I'm exposed to it every day, it breaks my self-esteem. To make things worse, my bipolar disorder makes it almost impossible for me to have a balanced view on all of this, especially during depressive episodes. It's an amplifier I can't control.

In short, I'd happily sacrifice the joys of teaching and interacting with youths if that would mean that I'd be less depressed and wouldn't have to make the difficult decision to kill myself.

 

[Cashewmilk]

That is basically what my life is. I feel like I manifested this life, it's the life I've always wanted, since I was a young child. No responsibilities, no school, no work, no social engagements, not having to worry about your appearance, not worrying about what other people think or say, not having to shower everyday LOL or brush your teeth etc. I hate so many aspects of life. A few years ago, I was having a cigarette and sitting at the window, and I thought to myself: "FUCK everyone, just fuck them all. I'm just going to live in my own little world, do my own little hobbies and just be myself, fuck everyone else". And that's what I did. It was a huge weight that was lifted off my shoulders, before that I was struggling with my addiction and my mental issues and worrying about everything. I started hobbies, with art, and insect watching, snail keeping, pet husbandry, etc, and cleaning up. I'm on disability so that's enough for me, I do live at home with my family though. My family however can be emotionally abusive, but I've learned to deal with it. But I no longer worry about petty things anymore...the only thing that concerns me are my self medicating drugs and getting them, that's about it, oh and my almond milk.

One thing that really bothered me growing up, was my appearance. I hated how I looked, my body type, skin colour, hair type, big nose, everything, I got bullied for it too. But now I don't give a flying fuck, I'm asexual, I have no need to impress anyone or attract anyone, I'm letting my gray hair grow, my face is covered in pimple scars but I might work on that (because my mom hates it lol), I have greasy hair, I wear maxi dresses and comfy underwear or granny panties, everything has to be 100% cotton or close to it. I don't do my eyebrows, no longer worry about my facial hair (I'm Indian and I used to get my entire face waxed every 2 weeks when I was a teenager, it was horrifying). Makeup? I never use it, maybe once a year. Tight pants are extinct in my life. I look like a granola peasant girl living on a farm LOL. I honestly couldn't care less. I even go out like this, my mom hates it so much, so I put on sweat pants for her lol, my mom is the one who made me suffer with body dysmorphia clearly. She used to pinch my nose with lotion when I was a child, to make it pointy like the magazine models at the time. Unfortunately my nose grew into a crooked bulbous ugly mess, but I don't care! As long as my nose can breathe, and stay on my face properly, I do not give a flying shit.

 

[Sensei]

Cashewmilk, I sincerely congratulate you. When you're happy with life, nothing else matters. You have essentiall achieved what I want to achieve. (Being male, I think I'll skip the granny panties, though.) I've basically given up on life and I wish I could stop caring and build my own little world, just like you. Contrary to you, I don't mind some responsibilities and social engagements, as long as I have some control over what they are and how extensive they are.

I think you address something important. It can be painful enough to be lonely, poor, mentally ill, and whatnot, but being judged by others, or just believing that you are, adds to the pain. Many of us, including yours truly, would definitely suffer less if we could stop caring how others perceive us, or how we think others perceive us. That's very easy to say and incredibly difficult to do, though. I think that if someone would be able to develop an effective psychological technique for achieving this, this forum would have considerably fewer members.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I think that if someone would be able to develop an effective psychological technique for achieving this, this forum would have considerably fewer members.

Anger.

Anger at being gas-lighted for so long.

Believe it or not, anger is now my opium. It's not good, but it's something.

 

[Sensei]

Anger.

Anger at being gas-lighted for so long.

Believe it or not, anger is now my opium. It's not good, but it's something.

I congratulate you that it works for you. Due to my illness, I'm very prone to irritability and anger, but it only leaves me exhausted. I need to become nonchalant to survive.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I congratulate you that it works for you. Due to my illness, I'm very prone to irritability and anger, but it only leaves me exhausted. I need to become nonchalant to survive.

Well it only works to a degree and it's not exactly healthy. The dark side of the force. But when it's the only thing on the table, then you'll take any deal.

 

[AlexM]

Admittedly, this is not an easily solved problem. However, I've seen people getting their problems solved by other forum members many times, so I thought I should throw out the question. Any idea how I can live a life in, preferably, 80–90 % isolation?

Hi. I'm not sure my experiences quite well, but it allows me leave home just for to buy some eat. I take food photos for photostocks. That requiring a small investments for equipment, I think not more 2000USD for not used stuff - camera, lens and flashes . That takes a lot of time every day, especially working with Photoshop. A year and half or so (depends diligence and fortune) you can make money, which could spend. The term depends you live in a country with high cost or low one. I can't recommend this way as a panacea, but probably it increasing the number of ideas.

 

[Sensei]

Hi. I'm not sure my experiences quite well, but it allows me leave home just for to buy some eat. I take food photos for photostocks. That requiring a small investments for equipment, I think not more 2000USD for not used stuff - camera, lens and flashes . That takes a lot of time every day, especially working with Photoshop. A year and half or so (depends diligence and fortune) you can make money, which could spend. The term depends you live in a country with high cost or low one. I can't recommend this way as a panacea, but probably it increasing the number of ideas.

That's an interesting idea I haven't thought about. Maybe it could be combined with graphic design. Isn't the competition tough, though?

 

[Deleted member 1465]

That's an interesting idea I haven't thought about. Maybe it could be combined with graphic design. Isn't the competition tough, though?

I used to use sites like Shutterstock and Thinkstock at work. There's loads of graphic design elements people upload onto there. I never looked into it, but I expect people get paid a small amount for anything that is accepted. They certainly charge enough for a subscription.