A poll. Why do you want CTB?

[OptingOutSmiling]

I chose Other - I guess there just isn't a point anymore. Gave up on life as I knew it when the one person I wanted to be with decided to leave my world. Trying to make a new world turned out to be without meaning, and the thread of hope or even possibility to survive becoming thinner. Only blackness in future and not seeing any opportunities in the present despite trying. It's like existing became empty, like being in a random shell of a body. Seeing myself as more of a failure by the day, just getting up becoming an effort, because no matter how many small steps I give forward life comes with a giant shove backwards showing me that nothing matters. That I'm nothing and that I'm only making myself tired trying.

 

[whytrymyguy]

A shorter list would be reasons I don't want to CTB.

 

[Valhala]

The end of the relationship with the only woman I truly loved in my life. I initiated the breakup, several times due to my impatience and recklessness. She hurt herself and was disappointed in me (rightly), she doesn't believe that I really love her, and I feel meaningless without her everything.

 

[human909]

The reason why i want to ctb is because i hate myself. I feel like i do nothing right and only try to hurt people even though i don't mean too. There have also been some stuff that i did that i can never forgive myself with, I can't wait to sleep forever.

 

[strangelife]

I love life, but I can't live in constant physical pain it is unbeatable, now I don't have life it is torture

 

[weldermike]

Sad all the time but I have 4 beautiful children

 

[2messdup]

Mental pain, loneliness, self loathing, no purpose. I am autistic but only found out after 60 years of struggling and being rejected and not knowing why. An abusive childhood had repercussions which led to continued abuse throughout my life. Add an alcoholic father who made violent attempts to ctb multiple times, my own bpd and cptsd. I have no friends. My family all have mental health problems. None of them are supportive but expect me to support them when they bother to make contact which is rare. I hate myself. I hate my life. And I see no sign that things will improve. The only thing that's stopped me so far is that in the UK it takes hours for medical help to arrive even if you've had a heart attack so if I drink sn that's effectively the end of me, even if I regret it immediately and call for help. The help will not arrive in time. I'm scared in case I regret drinking it.

 

[Rust]

Money issues should be my main reason currently, since my loving family tricked me into a substantial amount of debt for their own benefit. Somehow this doesn't bother me though. I guess a category of "tired" would fit me best. Every time I overcome some problem, life seems to throw me a new issue. I feel like I've been running on empty for over a decade now and the world just expects me to keep sprinting. My life circumstances are also the best they've been in a long time, which depresses me, since this is probably as good as it's going to get.

If I missed it, I'm sorry and this can be deleted

I haven't posted in a while, but this thread peaked my interest. So thank you for making it. I would vote not to delete it even if the question was asked before.

 

[StonerVsAlly]

I'm literally all of the choice lol

 

[wanttodie]

• 
  I hate myself

 

[depressed-pos]

definitely all of the above, i just want eternal rest

 

[J&L383]

I literally could write a 10,000 page book on the reasons for me to kill these monstrous cells they call a human body that they trapped me into. but since there is no space i'll just type a few random reasons why i think any sentient being should want to ctb asap. and i'll pick some that i haven't seen anywhere else exept my own writings.

the human brain can create pain and suffering that is a billion times worse than you can remember or imagine.

there is pain so bad that one minute of it makes everything else meaningless.

that's why they have tortured people throughout history becasue torture is the only way to make a human do and say things they would never do otherwise , to break a human. and i think 99% of humans can be tortured like ripping off the finger nails slowly at once many tortures they have done . but people have no idea how bad that would feel.

they made this world a prison where if you fall into a trap of constant unbearable pain you have no easy guranteed instant painless way to move away from that unbearable pain.

they made wanting to escape extreme torture a cime . that shows how evil this world is. they made wanting to escape extreme torture a crime. if im in excruciating pain i can't hire someone to shoot me and put me out of pain because they made that a crime. same thing for a suicide booth like a sarco, nembutal, cyanide capsules everything they made a crime to make us all slsaves prisoners . and 99% of people have no clue that they made this a prison and that everyone has no rigth nor ability to move away form extreme suffering or extreme pain in a guaranteed quick way . and everyone is ok with this and think this is disney world instead of the hell prison it is. no one is immune to extreme torture . so everyone is in danger every sentient animal is . dna base life made every sucessive generation be able to suffer / feel pain worse and worse. for 100's of millions of years evolution made the torture chamber worse and worse. only the animals that could suffer the worst pain would work so hard to relieve that pain as from hunger starvation cold injuries . this is how evolution works : 2 animals have a lot of children offspring but each has diffeerent characteristics . those with the characteristics that make the animal live longer pass on their genes to more offspring.

the pro-lifers say but life is sooooo gooood you can eat a sandwich like animals eat and that's sooo goood . enjoy . so be my slave to eat goood mmm yeah kneel.
i say is eating a fuking sandwich worth an hour of the worst pain imaginable the worst torture ? no not even a minute of it. not even a few seconds. i felt bad pain for a second and i could never imagine not being able to move away from that pain for 10 secons much less a minute .

i guess people don't even know what is life and what is a human. i see humans as just that first cell multiplied into 30 trillion copies of it. 86 billion of those cells are the brain which is a torture chamber. is a human a brain . Yes. is a human cells yes. is the brain 86 billion brain cells , neurons? yes . can those brain cells connect into networks to create unending unbearable pain. ? yes the brain is a torture chamber. a human is a brain that can suffer unending constant unbearable pain.

i could keep going . i'm not a writer and i'm not smarter than anyone. i just wonder why no one has explored these topics. and i have hypothesized why no one has but i won't post it here. anyone can figure out or do anything if they focus on it and work hours per day . i guess most people are focused on what the culture progamms us to be on TV youtube sports news social media religion romantic relationships making friends other people political ideologies and thousands of things related to those meaningless things that keep one innefective and away from real reality.

I'm glad you have given this some thought. I could probably add 10,000 more pages to yours.

 

[NinjaCobraKiller]

For me the just one absolute thing is a serious fking FEAR of life. Im maybe literally the most fearful type of person, especially if it comes to social topics like social skills networking relationships or holding a job etc.

There is nothing more scarier than other humans for me

It makes me even more sad when I come to realize that many people who did CTB was probably a strong persons with really temporary problem. Im feeling just too weak for this life.

Im also a pretty kind of lazy person, I dont want to do any special stuff in terms of everyday life, carrer, really amazing adventures etc. Maybe only hobby. But if I cant be productive or worth person why I should live? I dont want to be burden to my relatives too, so Im just trying my minimal efforts as best I can and still feels like a shit. Maybe Im lazy because for now I dont see any point of my living and visions that one day I will CTB anyway.

I dont want to compare to anybody, I only know myself.

That and many other things also bring me shame to my life. Im so much much shameful of why I cant be better person and start doing something better with my life. Maybe Im still pretty young guy but I dont see any future for me, no perspectives. Just living for my parents, pets and house plants.


Also many other reasons because this life is really sad absurd thing, which isnt beautiful. At least interesting but still very painful and unpleasant.

 

[always_sad]

There's something wrong with me, I have developmental trauma and no matter how hard I work on bettering myself nothing really comes of it. I want absolutely nothing and I don't really care about anything. It feels like mentally I died years ago. I don't look forward to anything. People, money, material posessions... I don't care for any of these things. I don't know why.

 

[FoxSauce]

I would say all...

But moslty happens in the moment or builds up over time i dont even know

But if i would i would answer with all

 

[ChefTesta]

all of the above lmao

 

[nyapoka]

just an overall lack of *desire* to live. i don't mind myself, the world, idk, just don't have the will

 

[manicstreetbeeper]

there's no simple answer for me. i'm suffering and i want to rot away.

 

[annasplight]

I do not know how to exist without being a doormat or hurting others.

 

[natthebrat]

ever since i learned the whole world revolves around social skills, ive just given up on everything. i realized im always going to be in some miserable job i hate, with my past creative dreams always being unrealistic, and a better job that could offer wfh being unattainable due to my mental conditions. and my looming forced detransition thanks to this dumb country definitely doesnt make me feel better either. while ig maybe i could improve to a degree, its easier to just take some pills and fall asleep forever, nothing to worry about ever again, so thats what i want.