Venting A person's worth in society is dependent on having children

[RosebyAnyName]

Any semblance of societal acceptance is over for me. I always knew everyone would distance themselves from me once I hit 30+ years old and I still haven't had kids to show for it, since that's all anyone seems to want of me. I hated being told as a kid that I was loved, just to be told in the next breath that my life will only be complete if I have children, knowing deep down that I would never want that. Knowing everyone is slowly turning on me, knowing that even my own parents only pretended to care about me under the assumption I'd give them grandchildren, is something I wish I could have known from the very beginning so at least I might have had more time to actually develop my own self-worth. All love I received was actually conditional on the promise of having children, a condition I didn't get to consider when I was born into life against my will. My whole life has just been getting strung along like an idiot, only to have all the chords cut when people realize all their efforts wouldn't net them the results (children) they wanted. This logic applies to all sorts of things in life, not just the expectation of having children.

At first I was almost excited to no longer have that attention and pressure to procreate, to just have everyone "give up" on me so they'd leave me alone to my devices. But now it feels like being shunned rather than just ignored. To be actively hated rather than just passively avoided. Life is a game you cannot win: either be authentic and hated, or conform and hate yourself.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I personally don't care about my worth in society. I never wanted to be worthy towards society anyway. Caring about what society wants from you sounds absolutely miserable

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

I completely disagree. Many people don't have children, and they are worthy. More and more aren't having kids, especially nowadays.

I suppose it depends on who you want to feel validated by - random strangers that you don't know, and that don't care what you do with your life, or those that actually matter to you? Why not focus on that, rather than society as a whole.

 

[Artemisia]

My parents were like that too. Guilt tripped me, blackmailed me, my mother accused me of causing the death of grandparents because I wasn't the moldable, completely submissive and devoid of personality thing that she wanted me to be (my grandma died of a stroke when she thought my grandpa had died and he died of respiratory failure some months later, so definitely nothing to do with me).
I'm so glad I never gave in. If my life was bad then, it's a lot worse now. 49 yo and nothing else to live for. My greatest pride is that I never brought children into this hell.

 

[tbroken]

Any semblance of societal acceptance is over for me. I always knew everyone would distance themselves from me once I hit 30+ years old and I still haven't had kids to show for it, since that's all anyone seems to want of me. I hated being told as a kid that I was loved, just to be told in the next breath that my life will only be complete if I have children, knowing deep down that I would never want that. Knowing everyone is slowly turning on me, knowing that even my own parents only pretended to care about me under the assumption I'd give them grandchildren, is something I wish I could have known from the very beginning so at least I might have had more time to actually develop my own self-worth. All love I received was actually conditional on the promise of having children, a condition I didn't get to consider when I was born into life against my will. My whole life has just been getting strung along like an idiot, only to have all the chords cut when people realize all their efforts wouldn't net them the results (children) they wanted. This logic applies to all sorts of things in life, not just the expectation of having children.

At first I was almost excited to no longer have that attention and pressure to procreate, to just have everyone "give up" on me so they'd leave me alone to my devices. But now it feels like being shunned rather than just ignored. To be actively hated rather than just passively avoided. Life is a game you cannot win: either be authentic and hated, or conform and hate yourself.

I did the same.. I wasted time, thinking I'd be ignored or better forgotten.
Tbh when i was young i was really happy, and I thought someday I would become a father or at least be happy...
But not in this life it seems, not in this city, not surrounded by these ppl,not with what life did to me.
Deep inside I'm really sad about it...but it all went this way..

 

[UnbelievableJelly]

Don't give in to the pressure, you're doing the right thing. Procreation is always bad, but especially now, with climate change it is just despicable, you'd be giving birth to nothing but a suffering future little charred corpse.

 

[theboy]

not really

 

[Aloneandinpain]

My parents don't pressurise me into having kids but I wish they did a bit, TBH they've discouraged my attempts at relationships.

I'd love to have kids but that's kind of hard to achieve if you're a pathetic virgin.

 

[todiefor]

I totally know what you mean and I'm really sorry. Society is very cruel to alot of ppl, women especially it's difficult to be yourself with all this expectations piled on u. I'm in a life threatening situation and all my parents care about is that I go freeze my eggs , so they can have grandchildren. I don't know why they want to have grandchildren though, when they totally physically and emotionally abandoned their only child in the first place.

Personally I do want to have kids, but it definitely still feels terrible knowing your worth to others is tied to whether you give them grandchildren. It makes you feel like you are nothing to them just as yourself.