Venting A moment of silence for the future... Long venting. Sorry.

[Sleeper System]

In my early 30s. Working 48 hours a week at a low paying dead end job. Literal 9-5 shift. No college education. Just working to survive.
Struggling daily with depression, social anxiety, and self esteem issues. Not making any connections with other people, i'm alone.
I don't think i'll ever leave the job or even leave my city unless I lose that job or can't afford to live here. (which I'm barely able to at the moment)
I just look around and everyone is also trying to keep their head above water. It's hard to even complain because everyone is struggling. What's so special about me?
I never believed in myself and even now I doubt every decision that I make. I will never be anything more than I am now and I now it. I've come to terms with this fact.

I have the benefit of being able to see with my own eyes what the future will look like for me based on my co-workers. Some have been in the company for as long as i've been alive. They're mostly miserble and just trying to get throught the day and go home. Same as me. They're way more advanced in there lives and we're some how on the same boat. That really gets me down. That's what I have to look forward to.
I even have co-workers who have retired and still have to work another job because their pensions and social security etc isn't enough to live off of in todays economy.
It's only getting worse as time passes so my situation may be even worse if I make it to that age. Doesn't leave much hope for the future.

The sad part is that this is just me thinking of only myself and trying to get by. Not including family hardships or things that come up in every day life. This is assuming everything is going right (or bearable) and it's still a bad situation getting worse as things start to progress.

Suicide just feels easier and less time consuming. I never even though i'd live to see 30 or even have a job. That's how poor my life situation and views were.
Life will make you an adult and you either sink or swim. I've been treading water for a long time and i'm so tired at this point.

There are only 2 people that i'm concered with and that's my mom and brother. My younger brother became an adult before me. He had some motivation and started working sooner and got his drivers license first etc. but even he, in my eyes, is starting to look beaten down by life. Working just to be independent but not enough to get anywhere meaningful. I worry about his choices as he likes to live a bit on the wild side and can be naive. I think he will be ok if he doesn't do anything stupid.

My mom is my biggest concern and stress factor. She's almost 60 and works a very low paying job that she simply can't live off of. If it werent for her partner (bf)
who she lives with, I don't know where she would be. A shelter? Some grim situation like that. And he himself is old and not in the best of health. I don't think he will live to see 3 more years of life. It's bad. and my mom is ok health wise but no financial stability. When he passes away, I don't know what she is going to do and that breaks my heart and makes me sick. I wish I could do more to help her but my own mental trauma is barely managable enough to help me get through life for myself.

All these problems are coming and i'm stuck in the position that Im in.

My mental health will never improve because I'm unplugged from the delusion of life.
My financial situation will never improve enough over time to keep up with the economy.
I just can't see the upside to putting myself through all this anymore. I have no hope.

 

[Gonnerr]

Sorry to hear your story., you are not alone , we are lot in that situation. There is no easy solution. Me im 43 , my health is not that good anymore, i might loose my job soon , ctb will be the only option , i won't be homeless , there is no way that will happen.

That will likely give me the boost to beat SI and drink my SN.

 

[Sleeper System]

Sorry to hear your story., you are not alone , we are lot in that situation. There is no easy solution. Me im 43 , my health is not that good anymore, i might loose my job soon , ctb will be the only option , i won't be homeless , there is no way that will happen.

That will likely give me the boost to beat SI and drink my SN.

I think about losing my job and what I would do all the time. That might be the final straw for me to say fuck this life.
Why do you think you're going to loose your job though?

 

[Gonnerr]

I needed an operation, my health has not been good for the past 10 years. Im going back to work in 10 days , if its too painful , i will have to quit , its a warehouse job.

I was barely able to work 26 hours a week the past year.

The recuperation after the operation is very hard , i still have pain , nothing too crazy but i dont know about a full day at work.

 

[Sleeper System]

I needed an operation, my health has not been good for the past 10 years. Im going back to work in 10 days , if its too painful , i will have to quit , its a warehouse job.

I was barely able to work 26 hours a week the past year.

The recuperation after the operation is very hard , i still have pain , nothing too crazy but i dont know about a full day at work.

I understand. Those jobs are very labor intensive and are a young mans game if I'm being honest.
Do you live in the united states or abroad?

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

The human race really just needs to die off. WTF are we doing here? It's all so pointless, mundane and stupid. I don't understand why people keep reproducing

 

[Celerity]

30 here and also work a dead-end job: retail with irregular hours.

I look around and see a lot of what you describe. My company is better than a lot of their competitors. There is opportunity here if you can kiss ass and be the company man. I could do it, but I am already working too hard at school. As upset as I am about my situation, I am forever thankful that I can rely on my parents for financial support. Without them, I could never afford to save enough to go to college. I feel for people in your situation. You can never get ahead. The game is rigged.

 

[Sleeper System]

30 here and also work a dead-end job: retail with irregular hours.

I look around and see a lot of what you describe. My company is better than a lot of their competitors. There is opportunity here if you can kiss ass and be the company man. I could do it, but I am already working too hard at school. As upset as I am about my situation, I am forever thankful that I can rely on my parents for financial support. Without them, I could never afford to save enough to go to college. I feel for people in your situation. You can never get ahead. The game is rigged.

In retail as well and it's the same with my company too. I may move up but it's all politics at the end of the day. Not sure I fit in to the crowd.
I always hated school so I don't think I could ever go back to that. You're very lucky to have parents that can help so that's a plus.
I mourn for our futures but maybe a twist of fate could occur. Who knows. But good luck to you. Alot of us are on the same boat.

 

[Gonnerr]

I understand. Those jobs are very labor intensive and are a young mans game if I'm being honest.
Do you live in the united states or abroad?

Canada

 

[Forever Sleep]

I feel like this is the reality for so many people and I just don't know how they are ok with it! Like- why aren't more people suicidal? I guess they just get themselves into massive debt or something but I feel so bad for you.

I need to get another wage slave job soon. I'm dreading it. The whole experience. Even pretending that I want the job to begin with! Honestly- it all gets to me so much. Not trying to boast but I do actually have a strong work ethic. I work hard- even at jobs I despise but apparently- that isn't enough. You also need to be able to lie about how great the job is and how happy you are to be a doormat.