Rounded Apathy
Hard to live, hard to die
- Aug 8, 2022
- 785
*disclaimer: idk if this is really a "recovery" post but feels like it belongs here most, so...
After being away over a year and a half, here i am again. sigh. honestly things weren't even good the whole time - at points they were horrendous, but the kind that demanded attention and were surmountable. the kind of life challenges that aren't soul destroying. i also made some great connections which literally kept me alive in a few ways. i still have them but some shit has worsened/turned the other way etc.
anyway, point of this thread - sad to be back, i am seeing a number of users who i remember from my time here before. i don't imagine they're doing well if they're still hanging around, but maybe doing well enough they haven't checked out...or so i want to hope.
honestly, "recovery" finally felt within reach recently. but then i fell. things as tough as they are, i wouldn't be back here if it weren't for this insidious advancing infection that i have to worry about spreading to other parts of my body. it's fucking with my mind so bad, being isolated af on top of it, knowing dr.s dgaf cause it's "usually cosmetic", blah
ending on a better note - i honestly wasn't thinking at all about ctb for many many months, hard as some of those days were. and maybe this won't stick, my wishing i'd simply vanish again. i don't think recovery should be an on/off thing; us who understand the nature of suffering and how to truly end it, it may always be a return in unmanageable times.
i hope you too, can find any amount of relief from this suffering <3
After being away over a year and a half, here i am again. sigh. honestly things weren't even good the whole time - at points they were horrendous, but the kind that demanded attention and were surmountable. the kind of life challenges that aren't soul destroying. i also made some great connections which literally kept me alive in a few ways. i still have them but some shit has worsened/turned the other way etc.
anyway, point of this thread - sad to be back, i am seeing a number of users who i remember from my time here before. i don't imagine they're doing well if they're still hanging around, but maybe doing well enough they haven't checked out...or so i want to hope.
honestly, "recovery" finally felt within reach recently. but then i fell. things as tough as they are, i wouldn't be back here if it weren't for this insidious advancing infection that i have to worry about spreading to other parts of my body. it's fucking with my mind so bad, being isolated af on top of it, knowing dr.s dgaf cause it's "usually cosmetic", blah
ending on a better note - i honestly wasn't thinking at all about ctb for many many months, hard as some of those days were. and maybe this won't stick, my wishing i'd simply vanish again. i don't think recovery should be an on/off thing; us who understand the nature of suffering and how to truly end it, it may always be a return in unmanageable times.
i hope you too, can find any amount of relief from this suffering <3
