Venting A Funeral of Liars

[Acopia]

This is something I can't get over,
I am blessed to have a lot of friends (and by that I mean I know a lot of people).
I've been sending out distress flares for weeks, desperately hoping that someone will.. not save me.. just notice/care enough to make things a bit easier for the time being. They don't.

It terrifies me that when I ctb all these people will be standing 'round my graveside telling my mammy and daddy that they never saw it coming and what a huge surprise my death has come to them.

I hate liars, and the thought that people would lie to my parents, I just can't deal with that.

Anyone relate?

PS. This is my first post so hey all !!

 

[Drowning fish]

Hi !
How about making a list of people you allow at your funeral on your suicide note ?

 

[Acopia]

Hi !
How about making a list of people you allow at your funeral on your suicide note ?

Gosh, that'd be a long note. I'd probably die of natural causes whilst still penning it!

That's not a bad idea, for me I haven't really thought much about leaving a note, I'd rather just go. However thinking about it, leaving something behind is a good shout! Thanks

 

[Ghost2211]

Write the truth in your notes.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

What do you mean by distress flares?

 

[BeforeIGo99]

It could be subtle changes in your behavior that can easily be noticed by those who you. Like distancing yourself from everyone (including people you regularly talk to), sleeping too much or maybe too little, not responding to messages, giving away prized possessions...

 

[Acopia]

What do you mean by distress flares?

People ask me if I'm ok, I try to tell them I'm not, I'm met with the standard: "stay strong" "you'll be fine" "sorry about that" but no further discussion. It's hard when you feel that no-one cares enough to notice.. especially when I'm surrounded by what MH services call a 'support network', and I notice when they need a hand to hold.
Maybe I'm not being fair, my emotional/psych state isn't for other people to rectify but is that not what friends are for?

I cut deeper than usual the other day, and panicked so messaged a nurse friend for advice on how to close/dress it myself. Obvs I didn't disclose how the wound had occurred, she didn't ask, part of me wishes she had - although whether I'd have been honest is a different matter. Actually, a few weeks ago that same friend sent me a message saying she'd noticed I'd been quiet of late and to see if I was alright.. she caught me in a vulnerable moment and I said I was suicidal. She never replied.

It sounds quite attention-seeking, I promise that's not the case. I guess I just need to feel like I matter, like I'm important.

It could be subtle changes in your behavior that can easily be noticed by those who you. Like distancing yourself from everyone (including people you regularly talk to), sleeping too much or maybe too little, not responding to messages, giving away prized possessions...

A few have commented that I've been quiet; I am 100% distancing myself from others (and not just because of covid ). However no-one seems that motivated to make sure I'm alright.
I'm so needy rn, I feel like a little puppy.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

No, it doesn't sound like you're manipulating and attention seeking. You've been clear that you're not okay and you're getting brushed off, people are not actually being there for you when you're saying you're not okay. They're not being friends. And yeah, they'd probably lie at your funeral if they have the balls to show up. I'd be surprised if anybody of them admitted "She said she wasn't doing okay and I just brushed her off."

 

[Acopia]

No, it doesn't sound like you're manipulating and attention seeking. You've been clear that you're not okay and you're getting brushed off, people are not actually being there for you when you're saying you're not okay. They're not being friends. And yeah, they'd probably lie at your funeral if they have the balls to show up. I'd be surprised if anybody of them admitted "She said she wasn't doing okay and I just brushed her off."

Thank you. Brushed off, that's exactly it. I don't know what more I can do without looking like a pretentious, look-at-how-shit-my-life-is tit.

Maybe standing in the street literally setting off flares would garner more of a response, although the kids 'round my way set fireworks off for a laugh all of the time so I'd probably just stir up a neighbourhood rant.

What is this life?!

 

[Life_is_comedy]

This is something I can't get over,
I am blessed to have a lot of friends (and by that I mean I know a lot of people).
I've been sending out distress flares for weeks, desperately hoping that someone will.. not save me.. just notice/care enough to make things a bit easier for the time being. They don't.

It terrifies me that when I ctb all these people will be standing 'round my graveside telling my mammy and daddy that they never saw it coming and what a huge surprise my death has come to them.

I hate liars, and the thought that people would lie to my parents, I just can't deal with that.

Anyone relate?

PS. This is my first post so hey all !!

You should have your texts or social media messages screenshotted and printed while sorting them out in your suicide note just in case you ctb so they CANNOT play that sh*t. When I ctb, I plan on doing this as a f*ck you note to all of them so they don't get to play that card. I can even watch the situation playing out in my mind, have someone to play the screenshots in a slideshow in a projector in my funeral. Watch as they scramble and explain themselves as they turn up, cry their crocodile tears then get found out they are fakes. It would be hilarious to watch. Too bad I'd be dead and not witness it.

 

[Acopia]

You should have your texts or social media messages screenshotted and printed while sorting them out in your suicide note just in case you ctb so they CANNOT play that sh*t. When I ctb, I plan on doing this as a f*ck you note to all of them so they don't get to play that card. I can even watch the situation playing out in my mind, have someone to play the screenshots in a slideshow in a projector in my funeral. Watch as they scramble and explain themselves as they turn up, cry their crocodile tears then get found out they are fakes. It would be hilarious to watch. Too bad I'd be dead and not witness it.

I literally was thinking about printing it all out and just leaving it there for all to see.
Standing in solidarity, and sending love

 

[XYZ]

friends (and by that I mean I know a lot of people).

It sounds like they are not really your friends, but rather your aquaintances.

If they were truly your friends, they would care enough to reach out to you when you tell them you are not well.

Welcome to the forum!

 

[Insertname1]

I talk to 1 person sometimes, when he asks if im ok and I tell him what's going on he actually has a conversation with me, doesnt ghost me, doesnt just say "stay strong" or whatever generic term. Which is what you want in a good friend

 

[Dreamless Sleep]

Welcome to the group.

Sadly this is a very common thing these days. Social media has made it common for people to post memes about suicide awareness and basically "posturing" to look like they give a shit. But most dont really have the desire to ask how you are or be there when you need them.

I even see it to some extent in this group, though people here are generally more willing to engage since most are in the same situation.

 

[Acopia]

Welcome to the group.

Sadly this is a very common thing these days. Social media has made it common for people to post memes about suicide awareness and basically "posturing" to look like they give a shit. But most dont really have the desire to ask how you are or be there when you need them.

I even see it to some extent in this group, though people here are generally more willing to engage since most are in the same situation.

I see people posting the "if you're struggling, just reach out" obviously with the unwritten caveat of "as long as you don't disturb my life in any way."

Hypocrisy is something my brain can't process.

 

[whywere]

1st off WELCOME!! new sanctioned suicde global family member!! LOVE having you hee!! I hope you find, as I have , that everyone here is so friendly, caring and loads of empathy!!!! 2nd) About liars, YES!!!!! I have seen through the years, I am 64 years young, that people call somebody behind thier back a jerk, BUT..BUT at their funeral, it was oh such a great person, and I always was like what?? Again WELCOME and so glad to have you here.

 

[Acopia]

1st off WELCOME!! new sanctioned suicde global family member!! LOVE having you hee!! I hope you find, as I have , that everyone here is so friendly, caring and loads of empathy!!!! 2nd) About liars, YES!!!!! I have seen through the years, I am 64 years young, that people call somebody behind thier back a jerk, BUT..BUT at their funeral, it was oh such a great person, and I always was like what?? Again WELCOME and so glad to have you here.

Thank you, I'm already feeling more validated & cared for on here than what I am irl.

 

[Denise2207]

Everything that has been said here I can relate to......you'd be there in a heartbeat for anyone but when the chips are down and you need help, no-one is there. It sucks to get ghosted at anytime but when you're having a crisis it hurts so much more

anyway, welcome! I hope you can find some comfort from this site, it has helped me a lot and everyone i have interacted with have been amazing.