I believe it is related, to be honest. Not many in here give a thought to this, but if you are able to kill yourself there are more chances that you could also kill someone else. Not really related with being an actual psychopath (ASPD), but with being able to do something extreme and be secretive about it.
And yes, I consider immoral completely hiding it from the people that care about you. It's better to honor the relationship by letting them know, perhaps gradually slipping the idea into conversations. So if the time comes, it won't be as shocking.
As I always say, I don't even want to do it, but I feel that my hand is forced by destiny, and I have been talking candidly about suicide for at least a year now with my family. I assure you they wouldn't be surprised by now, and it was the right thing to do. And if I had friends they would have gone through the same conditioning.
I remember after my first attempt I told everyone and people were very supportive.But the more attempts I made, the more traumatized people got and they had to distance themselves because I was affecting them. They would tell me we could no longer be friends. People grew tired. My father was shockingly supportive, but he is a very distant person. I've only lived with him for one year in my whole life, and I barely talk to him. But after my later attempts he got fed up and in one of the psychiatric hospitalizations he told me it was my problem to figure it out. So in other psychiatric hospitalizations and rehab I never told him again.
My brothers have their own problems so they can't handle it. And my mother as well, I rarely speak to her and haven't slept in her house for more than ten years. I don't really have family to talk to. I don't have any friends right now that know me from my past attempts, all the ones I know are new in the picture and they don't know about my past.
I wanted to really tell my friends in a discreet way last night, I was trying to get them to go to a bar, in particular the guy who said the psychopath quote. But no one wanted to go out because they were too tired and had to do work. So I guess it is what it is. Besides what am I going to do? " Hey guys guess what I want to kill myself". I just don't even know how to bring it up. I've been through psychiatric institutions for ten years, medications, therapists. I feel like I don't know what option exists right now other than mental institution and I'm done with that it doesn't work for me. Besides I've only know these friends for two years. It's despicable to be this lonely with new people in my life and admit yeah I don't really have a family that cares. And yeah you are actually my only friends for real.
The friend who said the psychopath statement later admitted to me that his father had shot himself before he was born and never told anyone. I guess that's why he had that opinion. I tried to tell him that it's more complex than that but I don't think he understands.
My ex boyfriend does know me very well, but he has no idea what SN is and he never discovered it. But he does know I'm suicidal. But he also knows I don't want to go to the mental institution. He's told me he will be traumatized forever if I do it. But he is my ex boyfriend and I just don't know how to deal with things anymore.
If some of you read the other posts, the guy I love knows I'm suicidal. I told him one day and he paid a taxi for me to go home. And didn't want to deal with it. He literally doesn't care. His wife stabbed herself and he didn't care about that so why would he care if I kill myself or think about it.
Last thing as I know this is a really long message, I know I will traumatize and hurt people deeply with this, but where are they when I need them the most? I understand people get really affected, but this is the consequence of living in a highly individualistic society. Everyone only cares about themselves. Why would they force me to keep on going when everyone always just leaves and moves on? Their not the ones who stay with the pain of existence like I do. So it's also selfish of them to expect me to keep experiencing life like this.
