Story A Doll.

[Aeathelina]

So at the moment I'm living with my sister and her partner. I'm not in a good place mentally and have been journaling a lot today. And in the last three hours of writing I realized that I don't even seem to be a person.

Like my whole life I was someone else's confidant or object to brag about and now that I'm going to be on my own soon I am utterly terrifed. I'm not not ever been capable of being on my own.

I'm not human at this point, just a doll to be used and I'm not okay with it. The only way I'm going to become a free person is in Death.

 

[Red]

Sometimes we spend time playing background characters in other people's lives, sometimes we star in productions of our own, and there are many roles in between that you can switch around or even play consecutively!
It's scary facing the world when you don't feel like you have a sense of self yet, I remember it all too well... but being alone lets you get to know yourself better! You don't have to venture forth completely alone if you need to be grounded somewhere, do you?
Will your family not give you any level of support as you move on?

 

[Libracusp_1022]

I think a lot of people, maybe especially women, feel like they put everyone else before themselves, or that they lose themselves in relationships. And being an on-your-own adult is scary for everyone. I also think a lot of people just blindly accommodate others without even realizing that they are ignoring their own needs. And a lot of people avoid the pain of having to confront the realities of life through addiction. So it seems to me that on both counts, while your awareness may be painful, your courage in acknowledging these things is admirable.This is the kind of stuff people go into therapy for.

 

[NekoNomNom]

I feel you. It seems that everybody who was supposed to love and protect me has betrayed and/or used me in some way. And then they insult you by acting innocent. It's maddening.

 

[TowerUpright]

Not trying to derail this conversation. But let me vent for a minute or so. I *ucking hate men who objectify, abuse, and or treat women in anyway besides being the person they are, complete with hopes and dreams. it (often) brings me to tears hearing stories of this. I know to many women in similar pain.

For what it is worth, I apologize on behalf of every man that's done crap like this to you, every man that poisons generations of women to be less than they are capable of, simply because of their ego. Men who feel the need to abuse their significant others and their children.

Men need to grow the F up and take responsibility for their actions and inactions and legacy they are leaving behind.

Sorry for derailing this. Your story pulls on my heartstrings in far more ways than you know (and feel comfortable elaborating in a comment section.)

Be well. Try everything you can to learn who you are and be yourself. You'll get lots of stuff wrong at first. But you'll figure it out. I feel it.