Venting a discrimination almost nobody talks about

[PoisonousPotato]

i hate how people are talking about psychosis. too many people think psychotic folks are those kind of evil creeps we see in thriller movies. frequently, in france where i live there are debates that can be simplified to "should psychotics be allowed to be free and live with us normal people?"

i'm psychotic. i have schz + melancolic depression + a lot of other things that are off topic here. i have delusions from time to time, in particular nihilistic delusions (painful hallucinations where i'm convinced i'm dead and rotting from the inside) and other delusions that can be summarized as body horror. it's sometimes traumatizing but still better than when i hadnt medication.

even if i s/h sometimes, i have never been known to be violent towards anybody else in any sense of the word. hell, a lot of my family and friends describe me as one of the most compassionate people they know. still, i have to live in shame and explicitely say that i'm not violent.

even most "tolerant" people just don't care about psychotic people. schizophrenia has become a meme. "psychotic" is just another insult. we are mad, we don't know what is the best for us.

because of all of this, and because i'm a "proto-trans" who won't even try to become who i am, i just think society doesn't want me. everyone , including my psychiatrist, knows that i want to die, as i always wanted for 13 years now. nobody is even trying to hospitalize me anymore, everyone knows it would be useless.

i just hope one day people see psychotic people as human beings as worthy of love as others

 

[Sulyya]

I heard of some outcry a few years ago about the use of the term 'psycho' in film etc but yeah not much more.

nobody is even trying to hospitalize me anymore, everyone knows it would be useless.

Do you feel that you want or need that? With what you're feeling?

 

[PoisonousPotato]

I heard of some outcry a few years ago about the use of the term 'psycho' in film etc but yeah not much more.


Do you feel that you want or need that? With what you're feeling?

tbh i feel like hospitalizations were kinda justified like 8 years ago when i wasnt on neuroleptics (or more exactly when i tried to get rid of my medication). but i know what i want. i asked to have the right to die from the beginning - not because of me being delusional, but because of pain, anxiety, trauma, loneliness, etc. at the beginning everyone tried to "save" me, but during my last attempts at ctb by od my family didn't hospitalize me, even if i still was in a delirium.

i tried a lot of medications. i tried sismo. but this is not what i want. after those last 13 years i still don't want to exist. idc if it could get better. no amount of hapiness can erase what i lived