A complete failure

[betternever2havbeen]

I'd be embarrassed to go to therapy even-how do I explain I've done nothing with my life, literally nothing? I've completely wasted the last decade of my life, I'm 15 years behind everyone else my age. All I've ever done with my life is the odd part-time minimum wage job, that's it. There is nothing I haven't quit. I'm lazy and self-conscious and as soon as I had any control over my life I decided to throw it away and not do anything. I went to uni for a bit but I knew my heart wasn't really in it because I didn't know what I wanted to do or what subject to take-so I ended up quitting that, like I quit everything. It was all downhill from then. Then my dad died and I literally gave up completely. I was supposed to be the success in the family, my brother has been in and out of trouble with the police all his life (at least I haven't done that!) but even he has skills, I have none.

Even a therapist will think I'm a waste of space and wonder "how could you have done so little?" I don't even know how either, I just hid away as I thought I'm incompetent at everything if I can't not exist I'll do the next best thing...

 

[castler]

I'm practically in the same boat. 32 and have virtually nuttin to show for it. I quit tryin back in '16. Still jobless, tied to the Web, rejected by society incl what I had for fam. I know the feeling. I'm drained of any emotions.

 

[FuneralCry]

Life just seems to be never ending problems and misery. I know that it is awful when things just get worse. I hope that you find relief from your suffering in whatever happens. Best wishes.

 

[toasterbath]

Yeah we can relate in a lot of ways. I was completely clueless about what career path I wanted to go into after high school. I made so many bad decisions, didn't finish all my credits for a useless degree. On top of that I am a NEET right now. My mental health and parts of my physical health are declining so much too I don't even have the energy or the motivation to get a part time wage slave job anymore. I've also had a parent pass away and I was also supposed to be the success of my family and have a deadbeat brother as well. I feel so embarrassed of myself, unaccomplished, depressed and burnt out. I am so desperate to CTB but I feel like I'll fuck even that up and I'm scared to become more crippled.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Same…. A combination of depression and incompetence…

 

[betternever2havbeen]

I'm practically in the same boat. 32 and have virtually nuttin to show for it. I quit tryin back in '16. Still jobless, tied to the Web, rejected by society incl what I had for fam. I know the feeling. I'm drained of any emotions.

I'm a couple years older. I hate what I've become, I was an above average kid, thought I'd make a success of my life. I just don't seem to be able to handle life. Yeh society looks down on us, I think they think we are living it up or something. I'm deeply ashamed at what I've let happen but too late now and there's no way I could handle a full-time job. I wish I'd CTB years ago, I know I can't change things.

Life just seems to be never ending problems and misery. I know that it is awful when things just get worse. I hope that you find relief from your suffering in whatever happens. Best wishes.

Thank you, I wish the best for you too. We share similar views about life, even with a great life I think I'd still rather not have been born...

Yeah we can relate in a lot of ways. I was completely clueless about what career path I wanted to go into after high school. I made so many bad decisions, didn't finish all my credits for a useless degree. On top of that I am a NEET right now. My mental health and parts of my physical health are declining so much too I don't even have the energy or the motivation to get a part time wage slave job anymore. I've also had a parent pass away and I was also supposed to be the success of my family and have a deadbeat brother as well. I feel so embarrassed of myself, unaccomplished, depressed and burnt out. I am so desperate to CTB but I feel like I'll fuck even that up and I'm scared to become more crippled.

Yeh it's like everyone else knew exactly what they wanted to do...being an introvert and not really liking to be out in the world, there was no job I wanted to do unless it was delusional stuff like be a famous actress or musician (how I thought I could do that is beyond me! Plus sadly I don't have the talent) I just have bad judgement, I think I was always screwed up. I'm sorry to hear you have also lost a parent-it sucks doesn't it, I used to blame my dads death for me going into depression but I'd probably still be doing nothing without that happening. I'm almost glad he's gone so he couldn't see the failure I became. Even in my early 20s he was wanting me to do a more professional job-now 10 years later I'm not even working at all..

I wish I had CTB years ago I would've done it if there was 100% chance of success and it was an easy thing to do. I'm hoping to get hold of some N now I found out about it so I can finally go.

I think things do get better for a lot of people but they won't for me cos I don't have what it takes to turn my life around.

 

[toforigivelife]

Failure? No. Just not well enough to do things in a more traditional manner or what is thought of as the accepted way of doing things.

Wish there was a way for folks like us to do something productive on the terms we need and the conditions we need.

Before you head more hate on yourself for being a "failure" just remember that a lot of people who are considered "successful" have been blessed in ways that we haven't.

They have their health, they have circumstances that have allowed them to progress, they have emotional, social, personal
and financial resources that a lot of us don't have - they have a lot of things working on their side that we don't have.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

@toforigivelife that's the worst thing, I had all those opportunities and a great family. But with the way my brother is I gotta think it's just a genetic or chemical thing-that my parents together couldn't make healthy children! My mum is the complete opposite of me, I don't know how it's possible but she is resilient, unemotional, calm, never depressed, laid back-the most laid back person you could ever meet! I'm the polar opposite.

It all boils down to me-I hated being me, the way I look the way I feel. I must have BPD or something.

 

[Tmbass]

I feel you. Such a drag knowing pretty much everyone you know has something going on. But where the hell are we supposed to find the motivation? I can't even be arsed to look for another job, chances are it would be just as shitty as my current one anyway. Honestly, suicide just seems like a logical step when you're as big a waste of space as I am.
Oh well, won't be long.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

I hate to CTB and do that to my mum especially after what my brother has put her through-who knew I'd cause her more worry and grief than him! But she is so resilient and has supportive friends and will still find happiness in life. It's better than chipping away at her for years with my depression and slowly making her miserable. She's better off without me.

 

[chronicallybroken]

Even a therapist will think I'm a waste of space and wonder "how could you have done so little?"

No therapist worth their salt would say or think this. As @toforigivelife so eloquently wrote, you most likely were dealt a bad hand in what is already a cruel world. Maybe you've done some reflecting on what has happened in your life (early experiences etc) and found some clues? It's taken me years to realise that actually, my childhood and a lot of the things that have happened to me since were traumatic. I have realised some things on my own, but building a trusting relationship with my counsellor over several months has allowed me to share things I never thought I would, and that (along with her kindness) has helped me see that. Knowing these things hasn't solved my problems, of course, but I find it helpful to acknowledge them and consider that this is why I am the way I am.

My point is - don't give up on therapy without trying! They're not there to judge you. <3

 

[toforigivelife]

No therapist worth their salt would say or think this. As @toforigivelife so eloquently wrote, you most likely were dealt a bad hand in what is already a cruel world. Maybe you've done some reflecting on what has happened in your life (early experiences etc) and found some clues? It's taken me years to realise that actually, my childhood and a lot of the things that have happened to me since were traumatic. I have realised some things on my own, but building a trusting relationship with my counsellor over several months has allowed me to share things I never thought I would, and that (along with her kindness) has helped me see that. Knowing these things hasn't solved my problems, of course, but I find it helpful to acknowledge them and consider that this is why I am the way I am.

My point is - don't give up on therapy without trying! They're not there to judge you. <3

Agree. Please don't give up on outside help.

I agree with chronicallybroken. Therapy is a tool to help you find your way in life.

If this therapist is not helping please find another one.

And try to focus on a way of living that you can support. People have found happiness and simplicity through minimalist living.

And believe it or not there is a partner out there who understands where you're coming from.

At least give yourself a chance to recover. At least give your health a chance.

Once you're healthy you may find your calling but drawing on utilizing your experiences and by drawing on the circumstances you are living in right now. Once you're healthy you may find a way to help others find their way.

But first work on your health.

 

[Klophy]

I can relate. Haven't really done much of anything since I dropped out of University as well, not even a single paying job. Now i'm almost 30 and feel much the same.

I've been aimless and directionless for all of my life. I would love to be better, to find some intrests or passion to push me forward but everything seems so flat(?).

 

[betternever2havbeen]

@chronicallybroken yeh true. I feel like it's too late now, I should've gone to therapy after my dad died instead of wasting most of my 20s. Or even before then cos I was depressed on and off since like age 12. I don't think anything can come out of my childhood-I was incredibly lucky to have the family growing up that I did-even my brother wasn't causing too much trouble at that point. I just hated me. I hate my skin and body I have scars on my face and that's got a lot to do with making me so self conscious and unfortunately you can't get rid of scars.

I'm glad therapy is working for you as some people have said it was useless for them so I love to read success stories.

If this therapist is not helping please find another one.

I've actually not even been yet I've been going back and forth over whether to see anyone for months. I don't know if it's a good idea to involve anyone else, I've pretty much decided to CTB anyway, I don't know what to do..

 

[meetapple]

Just remember that self esteem should not be dependent on your accomplishments. You have not done anything wrong by not being successful.

 

[Disappointered]

I completely relate to OP. I have a similar story. It's horrible. Some people do not seem to have a place or purpose in this world...so...

 

[Zegers]

Therapists know how complex life is and what they will try to do is help you direct your life from your current position. Sounds good but I have not been able to find one to help me.

On the other hand my life is empty, i just spend my days on autopilot, i don't have any friends or anything. Loneliness is crushing, anxiety and physical problems in a daily basis gives ctb sense to me.

 

[Euthanza]

I realize I have been useless eater for 2 decades and adding nothing, only consuming, this sucks

 

[castler]

I swear when I enter the afterlife. (Which will be in the next 4mo-ish), I'm gonna come back as the evil purple minion and haunt every1 that's caused me endless grief and for leaving in the 1st place. Gonna use telekinesis and all throw obj across the room. Throw shit back in their face while their taking a dump...

Yeah.... Rant over

 

[Bitterman1996]

I'd be embarrassed to go to therapy even-how do I explain I've done nothing with my life, literally nothing? I've completely wasted the last decade of my life, I'm 15 years behind everyone else my age. All I've ever done with my life is the odd part-time minimum wage job, that's it. There is nothing I haven't quit. I'm lazy and self-conscious and as soon as I had any control over my life I decided to throw it away and not do anything. I went to uni for a bit but I knew my heart wasn't really in it because I didn't know what I wanted to do or what subject to take-so I ended up quitting that, like I quit everything. It was all downhill from then. Then my dad died and I literally gave up completely. I was supposed to be the success in the family, my brother has been in and out of trouble with the police all his life (at least I haven't done that!) but even he has skills, I have none.

Even a therapist will think I'm a waste of space and wonder "how could you have done so little?" I don't even know how either, I just hid away as I thought I'm incompetent at everything if I can't not exist I'll do the next best thing...

I have the same exact issue, I'm 25 drop out that is to say basically the same as a. Waste of space really.

I don't know what i should do nor im getting any better rn, really feels like only option out is just to end it.