A brief rant about parents and their children.

[bleeding_heart_show]

The other day I observed a parent and their child in public. The child pointed out to their parent that someone had entered a door labeled "do not enter". The parent responded by saying it "did not matter because the door opens either way" and then led the child through the door.

I related this to an experience I had in kindergarten. I hoped to purchase a certain toy, but was disheartened to find I was a year below the age range listed on the packaging. My father told me that it was fine to ignore it and purchased it regardless. Obviously the contexts are quite different, but the same response was given by the parent in both situations.

I find myself frustrated that adults set this example for children. Informal rules exist for a reason and nonchalantly defying them should not be taken lightly. The potential damage to a developing mind that witnessing such behaviour could cause concerns me.

Perhaps this is unreasonable and I am strange for thinking about things this way.

 

[farewell_to_my_mask]

I agree with you. I feel like if a kid learns to ignore a lot of small rules, they'll grow to learn that more serious rules can be ignored as well.

 

[Mocha]

I find myself frustrated that adults set this example for children. Informal rules exist for a reason and nonchalantly defying them should not be taken lightly. The potential damage to a developing mind that witnessing such behaviour could cause concerns me.

Perhaps this is unreasonable and I am strange for thinking about things this way.

What is worse for a child is to instead teach them so strictly that they end up afraid of breaking or defying any rules. I was raised by people who didn't allow me to break any rules, even ones like those you mentioned, and all it did was raise me to be terrified of any amount of authority. When I entered middle and high school seeing all the kids break rules in ways I'd never dreamed of breaking (that looking back were only extremely juvenile and petty at worst. Normal experimental teen behavior like goofing around and being a bit too loud in public places, smoking a cigarette or vaping, using weed, partying, etc.) was extremely shocking and scary to me. For me this way of raising a child created a collateral mental affect, with the way I viewed myself, the world around me, how I judged my peers, I even believe it contributed immensely to my social anxiety and depression just due to the fact having a very careful personality limited who I was willing to hang out with so much. The purity play by all the rules lifestyle is no way to live, nor is a lifestyle where a person falls into crime.

It's about balance: sometimes, to have fun or experience something new, you may need to get out of your comfort zone and risk getting yourself a bit dirty. But you shouldn't take it too far or fall into completely bad groups and situations that put you in jeopardy of law or other significant authoritative action. I wish I would've let loose and experimented more during my adolescent years - I think it would've genuinely benefited my growth and character.

The best way to raise a child is to let them live and learn, and only step in when they need to or are called to do so by the child or other authority figures (teachers, police, etc.).

 

[bleeding_heart_show]

What is worse for a child is to instead teach them so strictly that they end up afraid of breaking or defying any rules. I was raised by people who didn't allow me to break any rules, even ones like those you mentioned, and all it did was raise me to be terrified of any amount of authority. When I entered middle and high school seeing all the kids break rules in ways I'd never dreamed of breaking (that looking back were only extremely juvenile and petty at worst. Normal experimental teen behavior like goofing around and being a bit too loud in public places, smoking a cigarette or vaping, using weed, partying, etc.) was extremely shocking and scary to me. For me this way of raising a child created a collateral mental affect, with the way I viewed myself, the world around me, how I judged my peers, I even believe it contributed immensely to my social anxiety and depression just due to the fact having a very careful personality limited who I was willing to hang out with so much. The purity play by all the rules lifestyle is no way to live, nor is a lifestyle where a person falls into crime.

It's about balance: sometimes, to have fun or experience something new, you may need to get out of your comfort zone and risk getting yourself a bit dirty. But you shouldn't take it too far or fall into completely bad groups and situations that put you in jeopardy of law or other significant authoritative action. I wish I would've let loose and experimented more during my adolescent years - I think it would've genuinely benefited my growth and character.

The best way to raise a child is to let them live and learn, and only step in when they need to or are called to do so by the child or other authority figures (teachers, police, etc.).

Maybe my hangup is that balance seems impossible to achieve. Children will be harmed no matter what, and then they will more often than not grow up to harm children.

On a related note, I like your profile picture. That is my favorite book.

 

[Mocha]

Maybe my hangup is that balance seems impossible to achieve. Children will be harmed no matter what, and then they will more often than not grow up to harm children.

On a related note, I like your profile picture. That is my favorite book.

That is why I would never have them. It is both a burden to them and myself.

And thank you! I've read TCITR twice now. I might again, now that I think about it.

 

[Pluto]

 

[EvisceratedJester]

The thing is, breaking rules like these isn't that big of a deal. None of this, to my knowledge, tends to have any long-lasting damage to young children. The world is filled with rules that vary in how strictly they need to be followed. I would actually argue that teaching children to strictly follow every rule around them to a tee, no matter how minor and no matter the context, has the potential to be much more harmful.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I agree that surely our perception of a lot of things is formed in childhood. It does make me wonder with criminals. Were they raised to be criminals sometimes? Where I used to live, it looked like something dodgy was going on- either shop lifting or theft of some kind. People were using the bin area to sort through bags and bags of designer gear but, it looked as if the whole family was involved!

In your examples, it's frustrating because there were better solutions. Your Dad could have said- I'll buy the toy now and you can have it when you reach that age. Or, we can look at it together and work out what the hazards are and, whether it's safe for you to have now.

I think it's important to not necessarily blindly follow rules but try to explain there's a reason they exist. I'm sure the parent and child in the shop could have found another way round or, she could have said- the person who went through the door may well have been a staff member.

I also had a very strict upbringing. Sometimes my own family would tell me to break the rules they had instilled in me- for example- because they could see that- allowing others to go first doesn't necessarily work too well in this world. You just get trampled over. It's hard to 'unlearn' things so ingrained though. So- it can also work to our disadvantage.

I don't want children. Partly because the upbringing I would give them would set them at a massive disadvantage in this world. I wouldn't want to see them suffer and I wouldn't want to raise them to be pushy- which I get the impression, you need to be these days.