Venting 3/13/24 Journal entry

[VampQueen]

I feel like I'm on the edge of homelessness. There is no way I can pay for April rent. I can barley keep up with my part time job. But maybe this is for the best? Maybe this will push me to what I've always dreamed of, being a drifter. I could do doordash or uber eats to pay for my bills, just enough to get by so I can do whatever I want without being held down by a job. Idk if that's a good idea though because what if the cat breaks down? I'd be out of housing and it'd be expensive to fix. So many different timeline branches and paths, only wish I knew which to take. I invited my mom to stay the night with my for a few nights. Honestly, if I didn't invite her I would've attempted suicide again. This time with a successful plan for sure. I'd tie my belt around my neck, place socks on my carotid arteries so the belt would put most of the pressure on my arteries so I can still breathe somewhat comfortably as I pass out. Once I'd assembled everything on my neck, I'd shut the door on the belt, at this point I can either completely let the belt hang me or I can just gently lean into it. Either way, I'll be gone for sure