Venting 25th July

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

Hello Everyone!

A few people on here have noticed that I have disappeared from this website for the past week and have messaged me about it.

The truth is I lost my support and so I've been laying in bed mainly, lost and unsure what to do.

My social worker is a complete Bellend and not sure what he is actually doing. I have an interview to see if I'm eligible for funding to an Autism specialist place but to be honest I'm tired of it. I'm tired of masking who I am and fighting for the support that I need. It's a never ending battle that I'm unfortunately going to lose.

So I've been putting my preparations into place and 25th July seems like a good date to CTB. I haven't confirmed it as anything could change between now and 25th July so then I wouldn't CTB.

I'm giving life 18 days to show me if there is any hope. I hate being alive but my therapist gives me hope, then again I'm just wasting being alive as I'm not really living. Just purely existing for no reason.

Have a good day/ night folks

 

[BrugmansiaFreak]

Are you sure about this? Any way you chose go I hope you find peace. I want to CTB this month too.
If you wanna talk PM me.
Hugs!

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

Are you sure about this? Any way you chose go I hope you find peace. I want to CTB this month too.
If you wanna talk PM me.
Hugs!

Yeah I'm pretty sure. Circumstances may change so we will have to see how this goes.

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

Hello Everyone!

A few people on here have noticed that I have disappeared from this website for the past week and have messaged me about it.

The truth is I lost my support and so I've been laying in bed mainly, lost and unsure what to do.

My social worker is a complete Bellend and not sure what he is actually doing. I have an interview to see if I'm eligible for funding to an Autism specialist place but to be honest I'm tired of it. I'm tired of masking who I am and fighting for the support that I need. It's a never ending battle that I'm unfortunately going to lose.

So I've been putting my preparations into place and 25th July seems like a good date to CTB. I haven't confirmed it as anything could change between now and 25th July so then I wouldn't CTB.

I'm giving life 18 days to show me if there is any hope. I hate being alive but my therapist gives me hope, then again I'm just wasting being alive as I'm not really living. Just purely existing for no reason.

Have a good day/ night folks

I hope you find some hope in the next 18 days.

 

[Ardesevent]

Good luck in whatever you choose to do. I hope things will get better for you, though.

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

So today's July 25th but my parents cancelled going out and so did my sister so I'm stuck with them again. The world wants to torment me. My funding was agreed for support but now they cannot find the staff and are failing to hire anyone. I'm also being forced to go on holiday with my family to Spain during Covid as I can't be at home on my own for a long period of time. Then tonight's announcement of if you go to Spain then you have to have a two week quarantine. My support is meant to start soon but this holiday and all the other bullshit seems to be pushing it back to October. I can't deal with this. I may have an opportunity tomorrow as there seems to be a window of time where no one will be at home but I won't know until the day. I don't want to live anymore and yet i'm a bit of a wimp. I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid of failing and then having repercussions because of that. I honestly don't know how to escape this world. It sounds so easy killing yourself with how to vids and instructions but in reality it's a lot more complicated for someone like me. My therapist said that because i'm still alive, it shows I still want to live. I don't want to live - I want to die so badly.

 

[Living sucks]

Ctb is always there .. you have funding Try to enjoy what time you have left

 

[StellaArtoix]

Yeah I'm pretty sure. Circumstances may change so we will have to see how this goes.

Its terrible that the services where you live are not better coordinated to help you. Autism is something that effects so so many people and there should be people looking after you better and I am so sorry for that. You deserve better. I was diagnosed with Aspergers many yrs ago and I've been fortunate to get some great support around me. Perhaps a reflection of the country you live in? That's no excuse however given the prevalence of Autism today. I guess you have already looked at avenues yourself for getting better support?(Not that this is your job).

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

Its terrible that the services where you live are not better coordinated to help you. Autism is something that effects so so many people and there should be people looking after you better and I am so sorry for that. You deserve better. I was diagnosed with Aspergers many yrs ago and I've been fortunate to get some great support around me. Perhaps a reflection of the country you live in? That's no excuse however given the prevalence of Autism today. I guess you have already looked at avenues yourself for getting better support?(Not that this is your job).

The support that I've applied for is apparently one of the top supports in the UK, but doesn't seem that way!

 

[StellaArtoix]

The support that I've applied for is apparently one of the top supports in the UK, but doesn't seem that way!

Wow, that's saying something then. Can you give them some feedback about the lack of support your getting and what its doing to you? Better still can you get someone to support you in going to them with this 'feedback?'

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

Wow, that's saying something then. Can you give them some feedback about the lack of support your getting and what its doing to you? Better still can you get someone to support you in going to them with this 'feedback?'

Lol I can try and get someone to support me to give them terrible feedback!

 

[StellaArtoix]

Lol I can try and get someone to support me to give them terrible feedback!
"

I think thats a good idea, but just a suggestion, you need to be diplomatic about it, so rather than rushing in to give them "terrible" feedback, think first. What your wanting is to get better support from them and thats what they should be providing you, however for whatever reason thats not happening. Geting their back up with "terrible" feedback will possibly result in them backing away from you even further. Many people/organisations dont like it when you give them "terrible" feedback. Constructive feedback on the other hand is likely to get you alot further. That means that you can be honest with your feedback and say how you dont feel supported in the way you would like, maybe even give them some examples of what kind of support your actually looking for and how helpfull that would be for you. This type of response I believe will work in your favour and people find it helpfull when you can give them some idea of what "support looks like for you". Everyone will have different needs and different ideas as to what "support" looks like for them, so this is actually a really good opportunity for you to say what you really want & need. It will also make you feel like you have more control over what is happening in your life and at the same time I imagine it will make you feel alot better knowing that people are actually listening to you. Do you think this is something that could work for you? Taking a support person with you, like a friend I think is always helpfull too because it keeps the conversation honest and also these kind of conversations can be kinda nerve racking sometimes, so some support will help you to stay on track with your conversation with them and allow you to say everything you want to say. Maybe put your thoughts down in writing first before you talk to or meet with them. This is what I do, because then i can really think about what it is i need to say. It helps me stick to the point and not get lost in my nerves too. I hope I havent come across as "this is what you should do"? Ive been in this kind of situation several times myself, so Ive had some practice with it now and these are the things ive found that have helped me. Anyway, take it or leave it

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

I think thats a good idea, but just a suggestion, you need to be diplomatic about it, so rather than rushing in to give them "terrible" feedback, think first. What your wanting is to get better support from them and thats what they should be providing you, however for whatever reason thats not happening. Geting their back up with "terrible" feedback will possibly result in them backing away from you even further. Many people/organisations dont like it when you give them "terrible" feedback. Constructive feedback on the other hand is likely to get you alot further. That means that you can be honest with your feedback and say how you dont feel supported in the way you would like, maybe even give them some examples of what kind of support your actually looking for and how helpfull that would be for you. This type of response I believe will work in your favour and people find it helpfull when you can give them some idea of what "support looks like for you". Everyone will have different needs and different ideas as to what "support" looks like for them, so this is actually a really good opportunity for you to say what you really want & need. It will also make you feel like you have more control over what is happening in your life and at the same time I imagine it will make you feel alot better knowing that people are actually listening to you. Do you think this is something that could work for you? Taking a support person with you, like a friend I think is always helpfull too because it keeps the conversation honest and also these kind of conversations can be kinda nerve racking sometimes, so some support will help you to stay on track with your conversation with them and allow you to say everything you want to say. Maybe put your thoughts down in writing first before you talk to or meet with them. This is what I do, because then i can really think about what it is i need to say. It helps me stick to the point and not get lost in my nerves too. I hope I havent come across as "this is what you should do"? Ive been in this kind of situation several times myself, so Ive had some practice with it now and these are the things ive found that have helped me. Anyway, take it or leave it

Thank you for the advice, I'll definitely take it and see what I can do!

 

[StellaArtoix]

Thank you for the advice, I'll definitely take it and see what I can do!

Just start by making some bullet points on a peice of paper about the things you want or need that would make you feel more supported. Start by just doing that. I find that when i write everything down on a peice of paper i can keep going back to look at it, I can add to it or change it. Its something i can carry around with me and add to when i want to. My Aspergers makes me very meticulous in needing to be particular with details and that helps me when i need to do things like writing notes as reminders of things I need to think about or consider.