1yr, still here. Feel like a fraud

[Exact Change]

I've been on SaSu for a year and I feel like a phoney. The irony is that someone else posted with the same title, but now the name is lined through. So, I assume they found their way out. I feel like I should apologize to the board for still being alive. So, I'm sorry.

I feel like I have so much I want to get off my chest right now, but no one to listen and no one who'd care. It's lonely. Maybe I'll start a vlog.

I reconnected with an old friend the other day. But suddenly she turned her back on me.

My SN is almost a yr old. I don't think I'll ever have the nerve to use it.

The sun is coming soon. I wish I could shoot it down.

 

[Dot]

I've been on SaSu for a year and I feel like a phoney. The irony is that someone else posted with the same title, but now the name is lined through. So, I assume they found their way out. I feel like I should apologize to the board for still being alive. So, I'm sorry.

I feel like I have so much I want to get off my chest right now, but no one to listen and no one who'd care. It's lonely. Maybe I'll start a vlog.

I reconnected with an old friend the other day. But suddenly she turned her back on me.

My SN is almost a yr old. I don't think I'll ever have the nerve to use it.

The sun is coming soon. I wish I could shoot it down.

Mny ppl hve bn on SaSu fr yrs

Mny suicdl ppl d/ nt ctb

U d/ nt owe ctb t/ n.e1 on SaSu or els-whre

If SaSu gves u spport & sfe-plce thn tht = enuf

 

[Euthanza]

Couple months before you and still gonna be here for another year.

Take your time buddy, no need to be hurry

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Your not a fraud and you don't owe anyone your life here, there's nothing to apologize for!

I'm here since 1/2 year and when I registered I was ready to leave with my method but SaSu is one of the things that keeps me going for now. CTB is still an option for me and I cnsider myself suicdal.

 

[Anon7b8]

Life is full of ups and downs, we're here for different reasons, and we might go on our own time or the Almighty's time. You don't owe anyone to tell you when you want or need to go. Frankly, this site has helped me on both ends. At the end of the day, it's up to you to decide when the right time is to catch the bus. And if you decide not to go through with it, there's plenty of people here that wants to help too.

 

[gbi2]

I think this website isn't for people to visit right before they ctb. It is for people who have suicidal thoughts and are at any stage of planning, or overcoming them. So there is no timescale for which anyone should be posting or ending with their name crossed through.

Being here after so long might be a good thing if it is helping you, but could be bad sign if you are wanting to ctb desperately but can't for any reason, as that will mean you are suffering. Either way though there is no time limit or anything to measure anything by.

Just try to make sure the website is being here for you one way or another.

I'm similar to Praestat_Mori. Kind of expected to have already ctb but failing and then having false promises of my life getting better keeps me hanging on a bit and SaSu has helped me get through these months. It may be many more months yet.

 

[Exact Change]

I'm sitting alone in my car parked in the cemetery, having my breakfast. And I'm crying because of your kind words and support. I realize it's been quite a while since I felt some form of understanding and caring. Thank you guys.

 

[Kit1]

We all have a right to live in this world - and I am glad that you are still here. You really sound like a lovely person and this world can really do with some lovely people. So please don't feel that you have somehow let yourself or anyone else down.

I might still be here in 10 years time or gone tomorrow as I am in a place in life where I genuinely don't know though I am trying to actually keep myself alive. I come to this forum to be with people who are travelling a similar route where there is a shared journey and understanding - and you, I and everyone else are very much part of that journey. I wish this site didn't have to exist and that none of us had to be here as we will be happy people with no challenges - but the reality is different and that is okay.

I hope that you can take a hour, a day, a week, a month at a time - or whatever suits us. And hoping that you enjoyed that lunch - which is making me feel hungry as well.

Take care.

 

[兎の耳]

I'm sitting alone in my car parked in the cemetery, having my breakfast. And I'm crying because of your kind words and support. I realize it's been quite a while since I felt some form of understanding and caring. Thank you guys.

I think a lot of people here are in such a bad place because of loneliness and isolation. If you're able to find some warmth and solace then I believe the site is serving its purpose. As others have said this is not a death cult, it's a safe space.

 

[hellispink]

You dont owe anyone absolutely anything. You dont own explanations to nobody about your life or your decisions or wheter you here or in china. Nothing to be sorry to nobody here for. We all have our stories and our fears and our own shit to deal with. Forget about people.

 

[TapeMachine]

I've been here for a little over a year as well. (I lurked for a couple months while researching my method, which is also SN; then I finally made an account this past January.)

But hey- there's no need for you, me, or anyone else to feel like a fraud, nor do we need to feel obligated to take our own lives simply because we visit this forum.

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't understand what makes some people think that it's wrong to be on here for a long time. It isn't like it's straightforward to die anyway, in fact suicide really is too unnecessarily difficult to me.

 

[blacksand]

I've been on SaSu for a year and I feel like a phoney. The irony is that someone else posted with the same title, but now the name is lined through. So, I assume they found their way out. I feel like I should apologize to the board for still being alive. So, I'm sorry.

I feel like I have so much I want to get off my chest right now, but no one to listen and no one who'd care. It's lonely. Maybe I'll start a vlog.

I reconnected with an old friend the other day. But suddenly she turned her back on me.

My SN is almost a yr old. I don't think I'll ever have the nerve to use it.

The sun is coming soon. I wish I could shoot it down.

I have a handgun, shotgun, rifle, and enough fentanyl to kill an elephant and I've failed to gather the stones to do it for a year now. Don't feel bad. People who go out with a slow method like SN are braver than I can ever comprehend.

 

[Orbitc]

You shouldn't feel like a fraud. It's normal to be afraid. It is actually very difficult to kill yourself - the survival instinct is very difficult to overcome. Although I already have everything for my method, I am very afraid of pain during the dying process and I am afraid of failure, although I really want my painful life to end as soon as possible, I still feel strong fear.

 

[greebo6]

Don't feel bad about that.
You are not a fraud . We are all somehow broken and imperfect on here . Doesn't matter how long you stay , no one will judge you or think negatively about you.

 

[Forever Sleep]

There's no need to feel pressure to kill yourself in a certain time. Imagine if that were one of the conditions of joining! It would be a death cult then! I've been here over a year. I may well be here for years to come. The reasons we are stuck here vary but they are all valid. Just as valid as our reasons for wanting to leave.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

You shouldn't feel like a fraud. It's normal to be afraid. It is actually very difficult to kill yourself - the survival instinct is very difficult to overcome. Although I already have everything for my method, I am very afraid of pain during the dying process and I am afraid of failure, although I really want my painful life to end as soon as possible, I still feel strong fear.View attachment 123961

What is that?

 

[Kit1]

Don't feel bad about that.
You are not a fraud . We are all somehow broken and imperfect on here . Doesn't matter how long you stay , no one will judge you or think negatively about you.

True. But I think everyone in this world are also imperfect - most of us here are probably too honest with purselves about how broken we are.., Just a thought..,

 

[Cress]

I've been on SaSu for a year and I feel like a phoney. The irony is that someone else posted with the same title, but now the name is lined through. So, I assume they found their way out. I feel like I should apologize to the board for still being alive. So, I'm sorry.

I feel like I have so much I want to get off my chest right now, but no one to listen and no one who'd care. It's lonely. Maybe I'll start a vlog.

I reconnected with an old friend the other day. But suddenly she turned her back on me.

My SN is almost a yr old. I don't think I'll ever have the nerve to use it.

The sun is coming soon. I wish I could shoot it down.

I think you misunderstand the point of the suicide form. This is not a place to coerce you into catching the bus or making you feel obligated in any sort of way. This is just a form where you can reveal your thoughts about suicide and catching the bus without fear of ridicule or having a friend or family member freak out and have you hospitalized for being mentally unwell in their eyes. If you're happy with your life and you are gaining something meaningful by communicating with the members on here then by all means continue Being alive and healthy and I wish you the best.

 

[SmollMushroom]

I've been on SaSu for a year and I feel like a phoney. The irony is that someone else posted with the same title, but now the name is lined through. So, I assume they found their way out. I feel like I should apologize to the board for still being alive. So, I'm sorry.

I feel like I have so much I want to get off my chest right now, but no one to listen and no one who'd care. It's lonely. Maybe I'll start a vlog.

I reconnected with an old friend the other day. But suddenly she turned her back on me.

My SN is almost a yr old. I don't think I'll ever have the nerve to use it.

Holy shit it's almost like you read my mind with this thread lol.
I've been in here for around 3 months now and I start feeling like a meme. I also have bought SN, but right now I feel I'll never have the guts to use it... And the person who shared the source with me are already gone by using the same stuff.
I was so adamant on wanting to go, I gathered so many infos, but now I just feel I can't bring myself to do it...
I don't really feel sorry, and I don't think you should as well, because it's not an easy choice. But at the same time I do feel kinda dumb ngl...

 

[Wyldfyre4948]

I'm in the same boat as you. Now I wonder if I'm actually doing this just for attention. There have been multiple failed attempts and even preparations made for another, but then everything stalled. Now idk what I'm doing anymore. It's like being stuck in limbo with wanting to go but not being able to do it.

 

[greebo6]

True. But I think everyone in this world are also imperfect - most of us here are probably too honest with purselves about how broken we are.., Just a thought..,

I agree

 

[Zebulon]

I feel you.
Originally I wanted to off myself before 30. Than I pushed to date to 27. But im turning 30 next year. I feel so much like a failure, that I couldnt even do a promise I gave myself. That I will try everything I can to enjoy life and if it doesnt work I'll just off myself. But now look at me, I should ctb this december, but I cant even do that. I'm just so drained from just existing that it siphons my energy to actually get over the last hump and ctb.

I should really buy a clowns mask for the one I am

 

[RichardFirst]

I've been here nearly two years through three mental breakdowns. I find a sense of comfort from this site, and I enjoy contributing to discussions. The day may come when it's time for me to go, but it's here yet.

 

[HiddenHead]

Just know that we are here to support for however long you decide to stick around. Wishing you a peaceful journey.

 

[Orbitc]

What is that?

This is metho and propranolol that I will use with SN - I wanted to say that I have everything ready, but I also can't overcome my fear yet and I'm still here.

 

[UKscotty]

Me too, I have started to feel like any of us here more than a few months are frauds.

People moan because I feel and say this but I can't help it. There are people who are lucky and CTB after a few days and I am here years later.

 

[IWishToDie]

I've been on SaSu for a year and I feel like a phoney. The irony is that someone else posted with the same title, but now the name is lined through. So, I assume they found their way out. I feel like I should apologize to the board for still being alive. So, I'm sorry.

I feel like I have so much I want to get off my chest right now, but no one to listen and no one who'd care. It's lonely. Maybe I'll start a vlog.

I reconnected with an old friend the other day. But suddenly she turned her back on me.

My SN is almost a yr old. I don't think I'll ever have the nerve to use it.

The sun is coming soon. I wish I could shoot it down.

Maybe things just aren't that bad. Take things one day at a time. Best of luck.