01/30/2024

[Water-Lily]

Yesterday was rough. But honestly? When isn't it?

I've been realizing that my impulsive decision to move in on campus also came with issues I didn't anticipate

We're going to have a meeting with the RA's some point this week to discuss dorm rules to deal with our problematic roomate. Then one of my other roommates (who has PTSD) has been using me as an emotional crutch so I've been drained

All this to say that I've still been doing my homework/internship but its hard

I did some exercising yesterday, along with getting back into job hunting. I applied to be an RA for next semester so I can at least dorm for free and keep busy ig

Tho yesterday, I melted down at a gaming competition

I still show up even when my ego is bruised

A couple of people tried to talk to me but I kept conversations short

A couple asked "are you ok?" and it made me feel even worse

One person I played with kept giving me critiques when I didn't ask for them. I had to pull them aside and tell him not to do that

So now I'm a bitch

Suicidality was heavily on my mind, but I feel my desire to hold onto suicide as an option is actually hurting me

Suicide is an astronomically drastic decision that you cannot come back from

And living on that "live or die" line leaves me feeling unstable

So I don't know what to do or what I'll do

Being 26 and already having an extensive abuse history makes me question whether I should just give up now and spare myself all this mental suffering

We'll see. Hopefully I can one day pull the trigger

 

[Little_Suzy]

People who are suicidal, mentally ill, or have special needs should live alone. The peace and quiet, privacy, and freedom of having your own space are invaluable.

Stress reduction should also be prioritized, so I'd reconsider the RA role. Instead, focus on finding your own place. I'm guessing money is an issue, but keep looking, and you'll be surprised what's available.

I suffer from insomnia, so having a roommate would significantly reduce my ability to function normally. Regardless of my budget, I was always able to find a private place, and I hope you will as well.

 

[Water-Lily]

People who are suicidal, mentally ill, or have special needs should live alone. The peace and quiet, privacy, and freedom of having your own space are invaluable.

Stress reduction should also be prioritized, so I'd reconsider the RA role. Instead, focus on finding your own place. I'm guessing money is an issue, but keep looking, and you'll be surprised what's available.

I suffer from insomnia, so having a roommate would significantly reduce my ability to function normally. Regardless of my budget, I was always able to find a private place, and I hope you will as well.

I am glad you spoke on this

Having roomates is "cheaper" but as you said, for those with severe mental health issues, having to live with people is traumatic. Having to be responsible for someone outside of yourself (especially when they have their own issues/problematic behaviors) is heavily traumatizing

So I will def consider the RA position. I'm also looking for work as having some form of income will help the process of. getting my own place
I do also want to add that I had an interesting moment while gaming

I had someone sit down and and give me pointers on how to get better. Emphasizing at the end "I want to see you get better"

I don't get the point in seeing someone who only has a1 1% win rate and almost 90% losing rate get "better"

By my statistic I clearly am not doing well. It makes more sense to have my encouragement in someone who is actually doing well imo