Venting 0 hopes, but too afraid to try.

[nihilbat]

I absolutely despise the fact that I'm still alive, especially during this time of the year. While most people are celebrating, spending time with the ones they like and etc, I'm having to deal with the trauma of a violent rape, of having to hear from my family how i'm their biggest and only regret, how everyone would be better without me. And it's being exhausting to even continue waking up.

I planned a lot of times what I could do to end this, did some tests before really trying, but when it's for real, I always give up, I'm too scared of things not working and I being stuck in here in an even worse situation.

Worst part to me is having to hear from others that they know what I'm going through, that they know things will get better, or any of those positive things. But then, whenever I ask, noone can give me even 1 reason as to why things would get any better...

 

[SorrowMind]

having to deal with such an incredible trauma, not having support from family and being fed toxic positivity it's an absolute nighmare and I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope you will feel less alone here in this community. sending hugs

 

[hamvil]

I also am dealing with trauma from 2020 without any support from family or friends... as a matter of fact, the only reaction I get is that it has been 2 years and that by now I should be over it. I constantly alternate between phases of depression and phases of self-harm.

I totally understand your desire to move on and leave this pain as it is the same thing I am feeling day and night.

My wife is also not capable of giving any support and is rather making things worse. I am 43 and I just cannot imagine going like this for another 40 years.

 

[sundown12]

i absolutely suck at saying anything that makes people feel better, but i hope that there is anything that can make you feel better, even in tiny doses - maybe a cup of coffee, or a good song, or a movie. it's tough being stuck between life and death, but i hope it brings comfort knowing that there are so many of us stuck there on this forum.

 

[Justnotme]

Guys, I feel so sorry for you... I didn't have such a terrible situation, but it drives me crazy how your families spread rot on you... Do they have a complete lack of empathy? Our world has been doomed for a long time. It's just a rotten evolution, going nowhere, going into insensibility. Some members of the human species are just soulless pieces of meat and bone. Excuse me for writing so harshly. I really hurt for you

 

[tiredone]

I also am dealing with trauma from 2020 without any support from family or friends... as a matter of fact, the only reaction I get is that it has been 2 years and that by now I should be over it. I constantly alternate between phases of depression and phases of self-harm.

I totally understand your desire to move on and leave this pain as it is the same thing I am feeling day and night.

My wife is also not capable of giving any support and is rather making things worse. I am 43 and I just cannot imagine going like this for another 40 years.

Very similar situation here. If not the kids I would probably try to ctb already. I feel for you. At least in small bit I can understand how you feel. If you dont mind me asking, what happened 2 years ago? You dont have to reply at all or DM if you prefer.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also fear ending up in a much worse situation because of a suicide attempt going wrong. Such a thing is terrifying to me, it's cruel to make it so we have to suffer so much in trying to leave this world.
But it does sound awful what you go through and it really is tragic how such torment even exists in this world. Your wish to be free from this existence is understandable, and I do hate the fact how people invalidate the suffering of others, it would be different if they suffered in a similar way and were able to see things from your point of view. So many humans can certainly be so insensitive and it's true that humans are responsible for so much of the pain that continues to exist here. No wonder so many wish to die in a world as horrific as this, I hope that you find the freedom that you wish for.