Venting Chronic pain is ruining me

[fleetingnight]

I really feel like life itself hates me.

Every time I begin making any progress to better myself, better my life, and I start feeling like today's an okay day, the pain gets so much worse. It's like my body has to remind me that a person like me has no chance. When I get used to the pain, it gets worse.

I can't do anything. I can't hold a job. I can't pursue my dreams. I can't do anything that might make me happy without it causing physical pain.

I want to shoot myself in the head, just to stop hurting. When the pain drowns out everything else, it's hard to think about anything but how to make it stop. I don't think it will ever end as long as I'm alive. Is it really just bad luck that I was born like this? Is there nothing I ever could have done?

If I owned a gun, I would have been dead years ago. I don't know if that means that I should try and get one, or avoid them as much as possible. God, I just want it to be fucking over. I can take a lot of pain, but not this much.

 

[carac]

There are a couple of videos on my profile it might be worth taking your time to check out

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be really dreadful and tiring what you go through, it's so cruel how people have to suffer so much in this existence all through no fault of their own. But anyway best wishes.

 

[fleetingnight]

There are a couple of videos on my profile it might be worth taking your time to check out

Thank you. I've tried a lot, but when I have the energy to, I might as well try something new, just in case.

 

[iloverachel]

Sounds awful what you are going through I am so sorry
I hope your pain lessens somehow

 

[lizzywizzy09]

I can relate. I'm at the point where my goal isn't to change my mind and plan for the future, it's literally to get past every single moment. When living moment to moment is terrifying... It's torture, plain and simple.