“You’re in a bad situation”

[willitpass]

My psychiatrist told this to me today. I've had a therapist tell me they needed a week to try and think of possible ways to help me. A nurse at the first inpatient I was at this time around told me they didn't have any good answers because I'm in such a rough spot. Even in the highest levels of care for the sickest of the sick, people are telling me how horrible things are for me. Nobody has told me I'm going to kill myself, obviously that would be unethical, but they seem to be at a loss for what to say. It seems like the closest to "you're going to die" as they can get. I'm truly a hopeless case. I am so ready to go.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

I am in a hopeless situation as well.
I just get platitudes from my Dr but
I believe he knows my situation is terminal. It's only a matter of time before my depression kills me.

 

[Blue Dream]

If you don't want help, then what do you want?

 

[opheliaoveragain]

always glad to hear from you no matter what. I relate to them getting to the point of running out of shit. given my mental at the time, iv ketimine from a clinic did what it was meant to in the moment. is there any movement on this for you? regardless you're in my thoughts daily and you deserve peace, no matter what. im sorry if the ket has been answered and I missed it

 

[willitpass]

If you don't want help, then what do you want?

To die? What do you think I want?

always glad to hear from you no matter what. I relate to them getting to the point of running out of shit. given my mental at the time, iv ketimine from a clinic did what it was meant to in the moment. is there any movement on this for you? regardless you're in my thoughts daily and you deserve peace, no matter what. im sorry if the ket has been answered and I missed it

Still no word. I have the referral outpatient still, but that's no use without me getting stable enough to leave residential. At this point I'm hoping that they decide they can't help me here, get me a bed somewhere in my home state, and I can get an Uber to a gas station instead of to the airport and do the deed.

 

[lastch]

I'm in the same boat. My appointments consist of me crying and staring blankly ahead leaving my nurse, ot and psych all lost for words. I don't leave the house anymore except for appointments and I spend everyday lying in bed crippled with anxiety, depression and ptsd. My newest source of anxiety is overthinking my ctb. "Paralysis by analysis" is my issue. From fearing the actual pain of the process and scared that maybe there is something after death, and that it could be worse than this.

 

[willitpass]

Every conversation with my dad about my mental health breaks me. He is so sure that I'm improving. He tells me he can see it. How much better I've gotten since October. I've tried telling him I don't feel any different at all, but he swears I'm getting better even if I don't see it. The delusion of a father, just trying to not lose his baby. Convincing himself his daughter isn't going to kill herself. It's heartbreaking to watch. I may be an adult, but I will always be his baby girl. He knows that my plan is to set myself on fire, I can only imagine the terror a parent must feel knowing that their child wants to do that to themselves and that ultimately there is nothing he can do to stop it.

This is why I left him with the illusion of me being healthy the last three years, because god does this hurt to watch. I usually just sit back and nod and agree with him while he rants at me about how determined I am and how smart I am and how he is 100% confident that I am going to make it through.

 

[SilentSadness]

Yes, we are in a bad situation, the state of living is tragic and hopeless. None of this suffering is necessary. It will all end later anyway and we will back to peaceful non existence. There is nothing appealing about being alive to me, and nothing to gain from comforting words from the people keeping me trapped here.

 

[willitpass]

Therapy went horribly today. I've become more and more agitated as the days have gone by, so I came into session already irritable. The therapist was trying to get me to follow some BS worksheets and I wasn't interested. I ended up saying "what does it matter if I'm gonna die anyway?". Her response was that if I was going to ruminate she would send me back to the unit. What's the point of therapy if saying how you feel ends the session. Punishing me like a child for talking about what I'm fucking in therapy for. I'm so over it.

 

[Blue Dream]

Therapy went horribly today. I've become more and more agitated as the days have gone by, so I came into session already irritable. The therapist was trying to get me to follow some BS worksheets and I wasn't interested. I ended up saying "what does it matter if I'm gonna die anyway?". Her response was that if I was going to ruminate she would send me back to the unit. What's the point of therapy if saying how you feel ends the session. Punishing me like a child for talking about what I'm fucking in therapy for. I'm so over it.

The whole point of therapy is to stop behaviours like rumination, not enable them.
Depression is mainly your mind eating you alive. Small behaviours like that turn into self reinforcing habits, and it escalates over time. The cycle can only break from within, they can't do it for you.

 

[divinemistress36]

Have they offered Ketamine infusions?