Venting "You're a really intelligent person"

[TAW122]

I get this compliment from time to time, "You're a really Intelligent person" from people IRL and while most of the time it is benign, it sometimes can be insulting. It depends on the tone of voice and context in which the person uses the phrase. As someone with Aspergers and a bit above average IQ compared to the general population, I find it unfair and more burdensome that my bad social skills and people skills really make my life difficult and sucky, but yet because of my intellect, people have this unrealistic expectation that I would be ok, functioning, and successful in life (according to societal standards), which is far, far from the truth. It is ignorant and unreasonable to put the onus and burden of responsibility for those with Aspergers and/or autism to just be able to be like "other people" or to "get it".

More oftenly than not, I don't just "get it" when it comes to social norms, body language, conversation flow, and all other things. Even assuming that I could learn it, at best, because of the condition and how my mind works, I would just be mimicking and memorizing patterns rather than understanding things responding well, similar to how most non-autistic people (NT - Neurotypicals) behave and act. The other downside to that is that if/should something change, adapting and responding to the change effective, in a timely manner is just not something that happens with autistic people, that would break me very quickly. It would be a neverending, exhausting, constant battle of learning and relearning patterns (too taxing and tiring). Most NT's and non-autistic people don't have that problem at least not to the extent of most people on the spectrum. Sure, they have new things they have to learn and keep up, but it comes easier for them overall.

Sometimes, I wished I'd have less IQ points, like 10-15 (15 might be a bit too much but at least 10) if it meant that I am non-autistic and maybe less intelligent. At least that would make my social life more bearable, easier to "get social norms" and understand people better, get along better, and just generally function a bit better. Having a lot of intelligence is useless if one cannot harness that intelligence to do significant things (inventing some new tool, getting a Ph. D, winning a nobel prize, etc.) and has more harm and disadvantages than advantages. Sure, I may be better than other people in things that don't really matter as much (philosophy, reasoning, logic, and shit like that), but that wouldn't help me much in the real world, day to day life, interactions with people which all make up the vast majority of life itself.

 

[CynicalHopelessness]

Sometimes, I wished I'd have less IQ points, like 10-15 (15 might be a bit too much but at least 10) if it meant that I am non-autistic and maybe less intelligent

Even if it meant you would be an anti-choice natalist?

I did have this sentiment years ago (I'm HFA and also am called "intelligent" too little to often), but being stupid isn't a substitute to being happy. I think I'll try going turboautism this year instead - fuck all social norms, purge the fears and do whatever I want in social life (without disrespecting others' wishes of course).

 

[TAW122]

Even if it meant you would be an anti-choice natalist?

I did have this sentiment years ago (I'm HFA and also am called "intelligent" too little to often), but being stupid isn't a substitute to being happy. I think I'll try going turboautism this year instead - fuck all social norms, purge the fears and do whatever I want in social life (without disrespecting others' wishes of course).

In that situation, then no, I wouldn't wish to compromise my values just to be able to relate to people and have an easier social life. Barring that however, if it meant that I could live as close to a normal life as most people (without sacrificing my values and losing too much of what I value now), then I'd be more than glad to take a small hit towards my IQ. As for your actions, yeah you are welcome to do what you'd like, short of disrespecting others' wishes and who knows, you might discover something new out of that experience.

 

[DoNotLet2]

Oh, I understand. People think the higher IQ the lighter autism. Emm... I know there are some people in the internet that are much more intelligent than me and have much more severe autism than I do. And of course there are less intelligent people than me with more severe autism. There isn't a rule about IQ in autism.


From what I know intelligence is just ability to think logically and abstractly. People don't behave in a logic way that can be understood with a bit of intelligence, do they?
EDIT: I'm not an expert just autistic and did a course on autism from the internet xd It says autistic people are as diverse as neurotypical.

EDIT 2: You mean masking right? It's covering your autism by neurotypical behaviors (that's how I understand it). Have you read about it?
Having more IQ is not the problem. I've heard you should make friends with people with the similar IQ and views. Are you looking for intelligent friends or just any friends?

 

[CynicalHopelessness]

People don't behave in a logic way that can be understood with a bit of intelligence, do they?

People don't behave rationally, but their irrational behaviors are suprisingly unoriginal and indeed can be understood with intelligence. That's partly what marketing is all about.

 

[TAW122]

Oh, I understand. People think the higher IQ the lighter autism. Emm... I know there are some people in the internet that are much more intelligent than me and have much more severe autism than I do. And of course there are less intelligent people than me with more severe autism. There isn't a rule about IQ in autism.


From what I know intelligence is just ability to think logically and abstractly. People don't behave in a logic way that can be understood with a bit of intelligence, do they?
EDIT: I'm not an expert just autistic and did a course on autism from the internet xd It says autistic people are as diverse as neurotypical.

EDIT 2: You mean masking right? It's covering your autism by neurotypical behaviors (that's how I understand it). Have you read about it?
Having more IQ is not the problem. I've heard you should make friends with people with the similar IQ and views. Are you looking for intelligent friends or just any friends?

As a simple answer, I'd probably get along with people with similar IQ and views. However, with other friends, just being acquaintances then that would be ok since I don't need to delve too deep with them. Part of the reason I don't just wish to be friends with those other people is that their behaviors and mannerisms just irritate me a lot (it's not completely their fault either). Since I can't change them or get them to treat me the way I wish to be treated, the easiest and logical solution is just to avoid them.

People don't behave rationally, but their irrational behaviors are suprisingly unoriginal and indeed can be understood with intelligence. That's partly what marketing is all about.

This is really true and I think the masses oftenly fall for such schemes and how companies and businesses make big money, by utilizing people's psychology and consumer experts and what not are aware of the fact and utilize it greatly.

 

[DoNotLet2]

Yep, you can learn marketing/psychology and do the masking.
So why didn't you get along with them? Just asking. I am 18 so I got little experience.
So spending hundreds/thousands of hours cramming psychology is the solution, isn't it? Is it really?

 

[TAW122]

Yep, you can learn marketing/psychology and do the masking.
So why didn't you get along with them? Just asking. I am 18 so I got little experience.
So spending hundreds/thousands of hours cramming psychology is the solution, isn't it? Is it really?

I don't know if you are replying to me or to @CynicalHopelessness. I assume you are asking me, so I'll respond below.

I don't get along with those people because they don't really understand me and vice versa. Also as someone on the spectrum there are behaviors that most non-aspie/autistic people do that really bother me and vice versa. I don't think that just spending hundreds or thousands of hours cramming psychology works. It may help to understand certain patterns, but it's still very algorithmic and any subtle change or deviation from the established path or routine would easily throw off someone who is an Aspie. Again, I wish that if my intelligence helped my day to day life be easier and what not, it would help my mental health and take off a significant amount of suicide fuel for me, but sadly that is simply not the case, therefore, my Aspergers is a big reason towards my eventual CTB.

 

[Life sucks]

Unfortunately, most of the time, whenever I hear this, its from people who try to abuse for this so-called intelligence.

 

[DoNotLet2]

Em yes I'm talking to you.
But you're loved here I assume looking at your reactions.
Yes, the changes in behaviors! Some people obey the rules, but some of them are constantly breaking the law. And I'm like "am I suppose to break the law just like they do or not?".
I feel misunderstood too.
Life sucks, I don't understand you?

 

[Largeletters]

I understand how you feel. Not necessarily in the autism or higher above average IQ, but I get compliments that I'm strong (mentally). Of course I appreciate this but the only reason I'm strong is because I've gone through so much shit, so that's basically the only default I have.
I don't want to make this all about me so I'll end by saying you're not alone in feeling this way.

 

[terry_a_davis]

I was told in school by teachers i was "above average" and should apply myself "as my ability demanded" but i wonder if they were just saying this to encourage me to work harder as i mostly just messed around? If i was quite smart i wouldn't be in the situation i am now.

 

[Epsilon0]

More oftenly than not, I don't just "get it" when it comes to social norms, body language, conversation flow, and all other things.

I can't say I understand what this must be like, because I am the exact opposite. I am a comformist who plays the social game to a fault. I can talk to anyone about anything, I can smile, mirror body language and be like a fish in water in new social situations. And yet, I am broken inside, and all this comformism has brought me nothing but a despair of my own self which has gotten lost under layers of self-denial and social, people-pleasing behaviours.

It seems to me that we are on opposite sides of the spectrum and the view is just as dire from both ends.

Wise were the words of the Oracle of Apollo at Delphi: meden agan (nothing in excess).

I find it more and more that the golden middle is to be preffered in all situations.


PS: Still, I have to say, being called intelligent is quite a nice compliment @thrw_a_way1221221

 

[Largeletters]

More oftenly than not, I don't just "get it" when it comes to social norms, body language, conversation flow, and all other things.

I can't say I understand what this must be like, because I am the exact opposite. I am a comformist who plays the social game to a fault. I can talk to anyone about anything, I can smile, mirror body language and be like a fish in water in new social situations. And yet, I am broken inside, and all this comformism has brought me nothing but a despair of my own self which has gotten lost under layers of self-denial and social, people-pleasing behaviours.

It seems to me that we are on opposite sides of the spectrum and the view is just as dire from both ends.

Wise were the words of the Oracle of Apollo at Delphi: meden agan (nothing in excess).

I find it more and more that the golden middle is to be preffered in all situations.


PS: Still, I have to say, being called intelligent is quite a nice compliment @thrw_a_way1221221

That really opens my eyes, Epsilon0. As a society we do not assume people like you, who are socially intact, have things going on outside of their demeanor. Of course, I know suicidal thoughts and depression are happening to anyone, but still, your post really educated me and I thank you for that.

 

[TAW122]

PS: Still, I have to say, being called intelligent is quite a nice compliment

Agreed and yes, in most situations I consider it a compliment.

 

[Mr2005]

Being smart is something of a curse

 

[TAW122]

Being smart is something of a curse

True, and I bought a book written by Aaron Clarey that states "The Curse of the High IQ" and while I haven't read it yet, I hope it can provide insight to the problems that I and many other intelligent people face on a day to day basis.

 

[You]

I'm pretty much stupid and have weak social skills, at some point i started thinking if I was autistic or something. Pretty sure I'm not, im just average joes(a bit more stupid) with nothing to give, no good qualities, horrible social skills and I keep getting worst habits as time goes. My point being at least you can claim to be smart. It seems to me that the best way to describe life is *Pain*, so better just toughen up.