Your superpower in recovery

[fuzzy-clown]

Since you have accepted that you're willing to die, you now have the power to take risks knowing that the worst case scenario is that your risks backfire so much that you can to die in order to escape the consequences.
Of course, still be smart about the risks you take so that you don't dig yourself deeper into the hole.
Think about what kind of life would make life bearable and take huge but not careless risks to get there.
If you can't think about what kind of changes would make life bearable, try to make huge changes in your life. Trying to adapt to your new life may be the excitement you need to make life bearable.

If you can't CTB for whatever reason, then it would make sense that you try to make your time here as pleasant as possible.
If you can't CTB for whatever reason, then it is a miserable experience to keep wanting what you can't have.

I am lucky to have landed in a situation where I found something that makes me happy, and can do it every day.

 

[TheLastGreySky]

I'm happy you found something that works for you. I'm still trying to figure that out for myself.

I don't know what there is to live for I'm not saying that out of depression I'm saying that out of feeling like life is an endless routine.

Other than sex and trying new food there's really not too much that holds my attention for very long.
I started a band and that's cool and all but I mean, I like making music more than getting wasted and interacting with people.
So I am willing to try new things I just don't know what is interesting anymore.
Knitting? Nah Skydiving? Soft Maybe.
Getting pokè for lunch like I did today?
Hells yeah.

I really do like this post and I think that a lot of people who are wanting to CTB should at least live like You're dying like you have nothing to lose enjoying what little time you might have left on this Earth. I just I'm still struggling with finding 'my' Joy.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it's good advice and it might well work out. In retrospect, I kind of have done that 3 times over. I've upped and moved all over the country 3 times for different jobs. My (creative) job has always felt like my main purpose and I've taken enormous risks to pursue it.

I'd say- the only problem with this method is if you are hoping for long-term recovery. In which case- I think you need to go a little deeper. Is all this stuff just slapping another bandaid on a gapping wound? Because- if it is- the bandaid may well fail in time and you'll be stuck with who you were all along.

That's speaking personally. I feel I would have done better in life if I'd worked on core problems like lack of confidence and social anxiety. Things improved slightly each time I started again. Like you said- there's an adjustment period where you're focussed on your new life but I don't think these old issues go away- they just wait until you're done masking them. That's my experience anyway. I guess ideally- it's a mixture of both. A new start but using that new start to work on the things you know hold you back. My friend once said that new starts are great because there are all new people. People who don't know who you are- so- you can present yourself however you want to from the beginning. I really enjoyed the post though and I do agree. Contemplating suicide does make other things less scary.

 

[ArteriesBindEveryon]

Since you have accepted that you're willing to die, you now have the power to take risks knowing that the worst case scenario is that your risks backfire so much that you can to die in order to escape the consequences.
Of course, still be smart about the risks you take so that you don't dig yourself deeper into the hole.
Think about what kind of life would make life bearable and take huge but not careless risks to get there.
If you can't think about what kind of changes would make life bearable, try to make huge changes in your life. Trying to adapt to your new life may be the excitement you need to make life bearable.

If you can't CTB for whatever reason, then it would make sense that you try to make your time here as pleasant as possible.
If you can't CTB for whatever reason, then it is a miserable experience to keep wanting what you can't have.

I am lucky to have landed in a situation where I found something that makes me happy, and can do it every day.

This is why I love this site, you'd never see a perspective like this anywhere else. One of the few perks to being suicidal is knowing that you can escape from everything when it becomes unbearable. It's ok to take risks when you don't care about what you're risking.