Yøur reason

[HansaNull]

Is there a reason for your depression, suicidal ideation, life situation making life unbearable etc.?
Maybe if you share yours, i'll share my dark secret of wanting to exit this life…

 

[tonicer]

I am a 43 year man and a KHHV and in addition to that i studied a lot and have no job and live with my mom. She's great but old and not very healthy anymore so when she's gone i am homeless and that's when i am going to kill myself. I have nothing or no one else to live for. I have zero purpose. I try to cope by working out and getting in shape and doing hobby stuff but all the joy i had as a kid is just gone. I feel empty and cold inside. I think true love could heal me but i am also very ugly and it made me not go out much besides grocery shopping or like the other day to a library because it got renovated and is really cozy now.

 

[HansaNull]

I am a 43 year man and a KHHV and in addition to that i studied a lot and have no job and live with my mom. She's great but old and not very healthy anymore so when she's gone i am homeless and that's when i am going to kill myself. I have nothing or no one else to live for. I have zero purpose. I try to cope by working out and getting in shape and doing hobby stuff but all the joy i had as a kid is just gone. I feel empty and cold inside. I think true love could heal me but i am also very ugly and it made me not go out much besides grocery shopping or like the other day to a library because it got renovated and is really cozy now.

I hope you find your true love and heal, seems like a great goal to reach for.

 

[RadioRamen]

Im 41 now and have been watching my marriage crumble around me . Watching someone who genuinely love you fall out of it and begin to resent or feel absolutely nothing for you right in front of your eyes is a really shitty way to go through life, feeling like an unwanted guest in your own home, and feeling like no matter what strides you make to better yourself or to try and show her change for it to fall short and she doesn't change her current feelings makes me feel like a pile of shit . If it was not for my son I'd prob have CTB by now . But I have to keep going for him.

 

[Hunter2005]

Is there a reason for your depression, suicidal ideation, life situation making life unbearable etc.?
Maybe if you share yours, i'll share my dark secret of wanting to exit this life…

For me I never had a good experience here, my childhood was full of struggles. I got a tbi, my confidence is pretty much destroyed and it's getting worse as the day goes by and much more. I'm pretty sure I have cptsd too, it's horrible.

 

[simji_is_offline]

I just never feel like I can get better at regulating my life. I feel like I say "next week I'll do x" or "it's okay to skip x today because of y" and I just let my life pass by and not doing a fucking thing about it. I guess I haven't done it yet because I feel like giving up is worse than what I'm doing now.

 

[Raindancer]

Im 41 now and have been watching my marriage crumble around me . Watching someone who genuinely love you fall out of it and begin to resent or feel absolutely nothing for you right in front of your eyes is a really shitty way to go through life, feeling like an unwanted guest in your own home, and feeling like no matter what strides you make to better yourself or to try and show her change for it to fall short and she doesn't change her current feelings makes me feel like a pile of shit . If it was not for my son I'd prob have CTB by now . But I have to keep going for him.

I totally agree. My ex was having an affair and left me after her husband caught the two of them. Within I day I went from what I thought was being the most Important person in his life to a problem. My world felt like it had just ended and his only concern was her. It totally ripped me apart.

 

[SoLowHollow48]

I think the fact that even death has a price tag makes me want to kill myself. In this life, you buy everything.

There is something greater than morals and ethics and it's money.

Well, I'm sick of that shit. What an irony it is that I still want to hold a funeral and an afterparty.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Life feels like it has relentlessly battered me from a young age. Many things happened, especially when I was a child, that I've rarely or never brought up here, along with never having a relationship that lasted to 2 years, I don't think I've ever felt deeply romantically loved or appreciated from anyone. My family seems to be the only ones who are there for me.

Regardless I'm trying to achieve some life goals and see if those fulfill me. If they don't, I will have crossed almost everything off my bucket list. I'll work for a couple years, try to get some international trips off of my bucket list and then I think I'll be ready to CTB, because I can't live my life completely unfulfilled. The only reason I'm still here is because of some glimmer of hope that my goals provide me.

 

[FuneralCry]

For me ceasing to exist would be the positive solution to find peace from the torture of existing, to me existence will just always be the most terrible mistake that never should had been imposed and it's so dreadful how it was causing all this torture and suffering as a result with no limit as to how much agony one can feel, for me non-existence is just the only peace and is all I see as positive but more than anything I just wish I never suffered at all.

To suffer in this existence is the most torturous abomination and I find it so deeply undesirable to be conscious burdened with this existence in every way, I find it tortuous to simply exist and as well as that existence is just so evil torturing existing beings every second, the suffering this existence causes is endless and no matter what I'll prefer the peace of non-existence over the terrible torture and suffering of existing.

I find it horrific how the torture of existing can continue for decades longer just for one to face the extreme agony of old age, to me existence truly is the problem and I'll only be glad to never suffer again, the peace of non-existence would solve everything for me, my wish to cease existing is a result of wanting peace from this existence so cruel and evil.

 

[tonicer]

I hope you find your true love and heal, seems like a great goal to reach for.

Thanks. It's been my goal my entire life. I want to live and find love and have children with a nice lady but my curse is making it feel like that it's impossible.

 

[Aether_Mourner]

chronic fatigue

 

[majnun]

The economy is shit and I probably won't be able to earn a living in the future. And that I'm not getting internships. And my parents are disappointed I'm not a doctor. And I do not feel loved or accepted anywhere. I cannot put my mind to studying, and I genuinely do not want to live anymore. My surroundings have become bleak.

 

[singingcrow]

because i was born into a world i don't fit into. i'm struggling to keep myself together and everything seems to be a mess

 

[SOL3HIRO]

People say that the worst goal in life to have is to be happy because it is unattainable. To be happy, you must first feel a different emotion like sadness to truly grasp that you are happy. Unfortunately for me, I never feel happy or never realise I am. I find it difficult to hold on to emotions other than anger or sadness. That causes me to not have things like 'happy memories' so whether it's the past or present, I can't feel happy. With the several meds I have taken, I felt absolutely nothing. The world is also overwhelming because there are people trying to take away other people's happiness and I can't ignore that morally. If it weren't for my loving partner, mother and dog, I wouldn't be here but that doesn't feel like a good thing when all I've wanted for the past 6 years was to CBT.

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

lonliness and always struggle to connect and make friends is the main reason but also trauma/scary experinces in the past, money troubles, gender dysphoria, really bad anxiety, always feeling bad, the feeling that my freinds seem to all like each other more then they like me, struggling to find and keep jobs and stuff like that.

 

[buriedinmyhead]

Because I've always been this way. I've looked for answers in religion, I've looked everywhere. No matter what changes I make to my life, I'll always be there, and it's me that's the problem. I could have everything I've ever wanted, and I'd still feel this way.

 

[HopelessScientist]

Is there a reason for your depression, suicidal ideation, life situation making life unbearable etc.?
Maybe if you share yours, i'll share my dark secret of wanting to exit this life…

I have no reason. I did really well in undergrad, really well. I am on a good path. I have the most amazing friends. I am on disability too and receive financial support from my partner and parents. I recovered from trauma so much, and built a lot of skills and hobbies.

BUT I have severe anhedonic treatment-resistant depression. That's my reason. I've tried different medications, therapies, and with my background in neuroscience, I can tell pharmacotherapy is going to be tough. I'll try TMS and ECT, and if I fail all that? Ctb. Living while depressed is not worth it.

I am miserable. Everyday my first thoughts are "not this again" and "I don't want to live". The suicidality is my first thought as I regain consciousness. Everything I do feels like a chore. The warmth of cuddles, the smiles of friends, the sunsets and flowers I once enjoyed, empty. Some days I stare at walls, I cannot watch a video or play a game, I cannot even have a conversation. I cannot brush my hair, or prepare food. I go weeks without changing clothes. One time my bed completely broke and I slept on it until my partner told my parents to fix it.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Shame and guilt. I just did so much wrong and it damaged me. Quitting, reneging, running my obnoxious mouth. I so badly wish I had lived virtuously.

I struggle with religion because my misdeeds can be summed up as rebellion against God. My philosophy was all about liberation from authority. Bad behavior was freedom.

 

[CentreMid]

My reasons have changed over time. When I first joined this site, it was due to trauma and family issues. Then it was financial issues and wanting to escape this capitalistic hellscape we call society. Nowadays, it's sort of a mix philosophy/principle, and fear of growing older, though the previous reasons are still very much in effect.

The philosophy/principle angle is more about choice, autonomy, and not allowing society to dictate what I can/cannot do with my body. I was born without my consent, therefore, the logical conclusion should be to allow me to end my own life. Take abortion for example (for the record, I'm pro-choice), we allow women to choose to terminate their pregnancies (I'm Canadian, so our abortion laws are different from the US). Why then, don't we allow people who are already living and breathing to make the choice to end their own lives in a similar fashion?

But I digress.

TLDR: My reasons for wanting out have become less emotion-based and more about principles, though the emotions still remain.