Discussion Your experience with suicides around you

[bloomingdark]

When I was young I used to study in a catholic all girl school, it was a really little community, but what was weird about it was this dead atmosphere that always used to cover all... Every year one or two girls/teachers would commit suicide and we would had their corpses in our school when they would be burying them, it was kind of disturbing and i always find it rough, by that time i didn't understand why they would do it and certainly by now if can say it, i didn't know them and i was not them, but I can say I may know how they felt in some point of their lifes.

Do you have any experiences with people suicides around you?

How did you feel about it?

Love

 

[Odwin]

Every year one or two girls/teachers would commit suicide and we would had their corpses in our school when they would be burying them,

How can even a school like this exist and be still open.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

No, I'm the only one this ill-adapted to society that I know of within any previous or current social circles around me.

 

[Last chance]

My friend hung himself a few years ago. I felt incredibly guilty about not spotting the signs and helping him get through what he was going through as I have obviously been in a similar mental state myself.The guilt really messed with my head.

Before he died I had been through a pretty bad break up and spent a lot of time talking to him about how upset I was by the whole thing. He listened and gave advice and genuinely seemed to empathise. I found out a month or so after his death that while I was talking to him about the break up he was having sex with the ex I was talking to him about.

I felt very conflicted,I hated him for what he had done,felt stupid for the guilt I had felt and at the same time felt guilty for hating someone who had CTB.

Now I just feel envious that he was able to go through with it and I am still here struggling to get the motivation/courag to hang myself.

 

[bloomingdark]

How can even a school like this exist and be still open

I don't know,they would tell us to go and we will have all the catholic church things ,we will pray , see the parents cry, see the coffin, and then we would even have days off mourning the death...

My friend hung himself a few years ago. I felt incredibly guilty about not spotting the signs and helping him get through what he was going through as I have obviously been in a similar mental state myself.The guilt really messed with my head.

Before he died I had been through a pretty bad break up and spent a lot of time talking to him about how upset I was by the whole thing. He listened and gave advice and genuinely seemed to empathise. I found out a month or so after his death that while I was talking to him about the break up he was having sex with the ex I was talking to him about.

I felt very conflicted,I hated him for what he had done,felt stupid for the guilt I had felt and at the same time felt guilty for hating someone who had CTB.

Now I just feel envious that he was able to go through with it and I am still here struggling to get the motivation/courag to hang myself.

I'm sorry to hear you went by all this confusion and pain, we'll never know how to feel at all with those how hurted us and also gave us some kind of help at one time, i hope you can find peace and relief

 

[Dead beat dad]

My Grandpoppa killed himself when I was in my late teens following the death of his wife.
He was the one of the best men I knew and to see him just capitulate was heartbreaking.
I have empathised with what he did and forgive him completely (not that in my view there is anything to blame) - I think the reason for this is that the seeds of depression had already been sewn in me and part of me felt envious that he had the testicular fortitude to do it.
A large part of the impact was actually what it did to my mom, who was utterly destroyed by it and has never recovered. This set forth a sort of chain of events that would compound my own depression further and indeed I too haven't reconciled and recovered.

Footnote: some here already know this; his method was train, and as part of the inquest in to his death we got to hear testimony from the driver, for him to give it and for me to hear it was pretty harrowing and this is why I will always advise against train as a method.

DBD

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

strangely none

 

[Lmd]

When I was young I used to study in a catholic all girl school, it was a really little community, but what was weird about it was this dead atmosphere that always used to cover all... Every year one or two girls/teachers would commit suicide and we would had their corpses in our school when they would be burying them, it was kind of disturbing and i always find it rough, by that time i didn't understand why they would do it and certainly by now if can say it, i didn't know them and i was not them, but I can say I may know how they felt in some point of their lifes.

Do you have any experiences with people suicides around you?

How did you feel about it?

Love

Sounds like an horror/thriller movie premise wtf.

I know friends of friends that CTB. It's impresive the huge amount of people that experience something like that in their lifes and don't say anything about it until I talk about how I feel and then they look at me with that air of sorrow that makes them remember the past with bitterness.

I've experienced some cases too. In the residential area I used to live someone CTB jumping. The imagen of his head stamping on the ground like a watermelon conditioned me to don't do the same.

And of course, thanks to this incredible and fantastic forum I've experienced how some members passed away. Sometimes I think in one of them. I like to imagine that we are going to japan to live that weeb fantasy. He eats a lots of sushi while I complain about raw food. Then we have long walks in the city at night and it ended by myself enjoying a long warm bath. I guess I miss him!

 

[Joey]

I've lost my Mom to suicide when I was 8. I went to her funeral and still remember like it was yesterday. The smell of roses and sadness in the room.

My Dad apparently found her when she hung herself. It's been almost 19 years...way back in 2002.

 

[kukukoko]

I had an online friend I met on a holiday when I was in my early teens and kept chatting with; I think like a year later her boyfriend ctbd by jumping. I was shocked and disturbed for a week or so. A couple of years later his father killed himself too.

A year or two ago a friend of mine killed himself by sn. He wasn't very close to me, he was more a friend of a friend with whom I happened to hung out like a dozen times in a period of a couple of years. Anyway, I was abroad when I got the message, I was shocked for couple of minutes but wasn't really bothered afterwards

 

[lofticries]

At lot of attempts on my mom's side of the family.

 

[WornOutLife]

Wow you've certainly been through a lot.

I went to a Catholic school and only one guy 1 year younger than me ctb.

He hanged himself and everyone was shocked.

 

[Breakout92]

When I was young I used to study in a catholic all girl school, it was a really little community, but what was weird about it was this dead atmosphere that always used to cover all... Every year one or two girls/teachers would commit suicide and we would had their corpses in our school when they would be burying them, it was kind of disturbing and i always find it rough, by that time i didn't understand why they would do it and certainly by now if can say it, i didn't know them and i was not them, but I can say I may know how they felt in some point of their lifes.

Do you have any experiences with people suicides around you?

How did you feel about it?

Love

I have such a close to similar experience OP. I went to an all boys catholic school in high school. I knew of 3 suicides within 5 years of graduation. Plus two "accidental" deaths which were drug overdoses, which probably were suicides too but couldn't be confirmed. They were all after graduation though, as far as I know nobody ctb while we were students there. The expectations at that school were so high that I think it stressed people out so much that they couldn't adapt to life after they got out. I know it's impacted me in that way. And the two people who I still talk to from that school, both of them were completely not fazed at all by these deaths, even though they hit me hard.. maybe because I've been suicidal so I know what it's like.

One of them I knew well, he was closeted gay and became so self hating because of what we were taught in that school about gay people. I'm sure that contributed as well. That's the same for me as it was for him, I think.

 

[popcorn]

i knew 3 young lads that did it whilst i was growing up in high school. early 20s two of my close friends ctb. was earth shattering at the time but now i understand it much better. oh and an distant uncle.

 

[LastWhisper]

When I was in high school, I had a friend from a parallel class who had a sister, and about 2-3 years later, when we graduated from high school, she committed suicide by falling out of the building. I didn't know her well, but it happened quite unexpectedly (she was in the same class with him).

 

[Zebedee]

My cousin recently hung himself... he was only 30. He tried before and had been depressed for several years. When I found out, my emotional response was jealousy. Don't get me wrong, it's a shame he saw no other way out, but the way I see it at least he isn't suffering any more.

 

[it's_all_a_game]

I knew this really talented Russian artist online that I think ether ctbed or died by illness in 2016 (but she never told me she was sick, so I think it's the former). She died in the middle of me commissioning something from her. I miss her.

 

[Aeathelina]

Lost a old childhood class mate to suicide. We weren't close but his passing stuck with me because of how after his death a bunch of private DMs and Facebook posts became public of him just talking endless of how much he wanted to die. This was around 2015, he said so many things and people were trying to get in contact but it was all in vain and his ex found him hanging from the ceiling fan.
What stuck about the whole thing was all those words didn't save him

 

[Tabbyql]

Yeah my sister hung her self then few weeks later my mom overdosed on same day my dad died. I didn't find them, and I was saved from being at coroners inquests. But I was told enough information of what they did and how they were found, that I see them like that everytime I close my eyes. And it's tearing me apart.