Venting "you wanted comfort, now you have to pay the price"

[war-is-lost]

I went to the psychiatrist to ask for more benzos in preparation for my exit. He refused to give me any extra saying they are tightly controlled now. I told him I have reached tolerance and would need an up dose. The fucker who prescribed these shits to me in the first place without any warning on dependance or tolerance had the nerves to tell me, I have to pay the price now as I wanted " comfort". Fuck psychiatry, yes, I wanted comfort but I didn't want to be turned into an addict in seeking that comfort.

 

[Steve]

I went to the psychiatrist to ask for more benzos in preparation for my exit. He refused to give me any extra saying they are tightly controlled now. I told him I have reached tolerance and would need an up dose. The fucker who prescribed these shits to me in the first place without any warning on dependance or tolerance had the nerves to tell me, I have to pay the price now as I wanted " comfort". Fuck psychiatry, yes, I wanted comfort but I didn't want to be turned into an addict in seeking that comfort.

I feel your pain. I took just 20 pills and suffered 2 months of non-functionality including insomnia, unexplained anxiety and fear, inability to focus, restless legs, convulsions, hypnic jerks, palpitations, pain in the brain triggered by stress. Had to lie in bed the entire period.

I had a relapse 5 month off where new symptoms manifested including stabbing pain, confusion, difficulty peeing (and penile numbness after a brief seizure like episode), derealisation/depersonalisation, suicidal thoughts due to the pain.

Doctors thought it was psychosis and they dose me with which cause Parkinsonism and akathisia.

Now I'm still left with sexual anhedonia, penile numbness and pain radiating from the groin. I feel completely broken by the experience and that's just 20 pills of benzos.

If you have been on them longer, I can imagine cutting your supply could make you just seizure up and die.

 

[Nauseated]

I went to the psychiatrist to ask for more benzos in preparation for my exit. He refused to give me any extra saying they are tightly controlled now. I told him I have reached tolerance and would need an up dose. The fucker who prescribed these shits to me in the first place without any warning on dependance or tolerance had the nerves to tell me, I have to pay the price now as I wanted " comfort". Fuck psychiatry, yes, I wanted comfort but I didn't want to be turned into an addict in seeking that comfort.

I'm sorry to hear that, I was put on 2mg of klonopin for 4 years was never talked to about tolerance dependence or addictions. I quit myself without any support and it completely fucked me up and that is my main reason for being on this forum. I am 100% sure I have suffered brain damage thanks to them.

 

[war-is-lost]

I'm sorry to hear that, I was put on 2mg of klonopin for 4 years was never talked to about tolerance dependence or addictions. I quit myself without any support and it completely fucked me up and that is my main reason for being on this forum. I am 100% sure I have suffered brain damage thanks to them.

I am sorry to hear that. I have been on xanax for 2.5 years and it completely fucked me up. Cognitive decline, panic attacks, insomnia, tinnitus, restless leg syndrome, severe depression and that's when I am still on the damn thing. I have lost my house and my job along with what little left of my dignity to these evil fuckers. It is the main reason for me wanting out. What symptoms are you experiencing?

 

[chronicpainnomore]

So they're doing to the benzo folks what's they're doing to me with opioids now. Kicking us to the curb, and we're on our own. Their license comes before our health. Suicide rates are skyrocketing, but they don't give a fuck.

 

[YaYaDr]

I went to the psychiatrist to ask for more benzos in preparation for my exit. He refused to give me any extra saying they are tightly controlled now. I told him I have reached tolerance and would need an up dose. The fucker who prescribed these shits to me in the first place without any warning on dependance or tolerance had the nerves to tell me, I have to pay the price now as I wanted " comfort". Fuck psychiatry, yes, I wanted comfort but I didn't want to be turned into an addict in seeking that comfort.

I can't help but imagine how pharmaceutical companies must view the public as lab rats to test drugs on for efficacy. Personally, I would have fewer qualms if ALL drugs were made legal with as few regulations as possible. That way we would at least have a choice, even if it's between the unenviable positions of feeding an addiction or suffering from withdrawal. For all the good western medicine has done, there's yet a long way to go both in terms of benefiting health and the ethics of denying medication.

 

[Nauseated]

I am sorry to hear that. I have been on xanax for 2.5 years and it completely fucked me up. Cognitive decline, panic attacks, insomnia, tinnitus, restless leg syndrome, severe depression and that's when I am still on the damn thing. I have lost my house and my job along with what little left of my dignity to these evil fuckers. It is the main reason for me wanting out. What symptoms are you experiencing?

I lost my apartment my job my family and friends gf everyone and everything I had or worked for including my mind. Ive been trying to regain something but after almost 5 years its not gotten any better besides the fact that I can sleep a little bit every night most nights instead of being awake 3 to 4 days at a time and it took 4 years to get to that.

 

[war-is-lost]

So they're doing to the benzo folks what's they're doing to me with opioids now. Kicking us to the curb, and we're on our own. Their license comes before our health. Suicide rates are skyrocketing, but they don't give a fuck.

Yes, it seems like it and they blame the patient for wanting "comfort". Fuck this shit. There will be a huge backlash when they step up the banning of benzos akin to what they are to opiates now.

 

[war-is-lost]

I lost my apartment my job my family and friends gf everyone and everything I had or worked for including my mind. Ive been trying to regain something but after almost 5 years its not gotten any better besides the fact that I can sleep a little bit every night most nights instead of being awake 3 to 4 days at a time and it took 4 years to get to that.

Fuck me, how did you manage to hold on? And are you on disability now?

 

[Nauseated]

Fuck me, how did you manage to hold on? And are you on disability now?

I honestly cant tell you, I have a high tolerance to suffering that I do know but suicide has been inevitable for over a year now I know that. According to doctors I have nothing physically wrong with me besides high blood pressure from constant sleep deprivation even tho I was the healthiest person I knew before all this I have a good diet and have always worked out and just took care of myself all around I use to be a distance runner and weight lifter and had did some boxing in those years too at an amateur level. Ive been seeing a therapist and they speculate that I have bipolar disorder but I know that it was the pills that did this to me without a doubt.

 

[Nauseated]

I went to the psychiatrist to ask for more benzos in preparation for my exit. He refused to give me any extra saying they are tightly controlled now. I told him I have reached tolerance and would need an up dose. The fucker who prescribed these shits to me in the first place without any warning on dependance or tolerance had the nerves to tell me, I have to pay the price now as I wanted " comfort". Fuck psychiatry, yes, I wanted comfort but I didn't want to be turned into an addict in seeking that comfort.

You will have to face the fact that you have to get off of these things eventually and its going to be the hardest thing you have ever done you can count on that. You need to be aware of the two most important things when doing this, take it very very very slow we are talking maybe dropping a half mg every two months kind of slow and you need to have a good support system without these things it will be to intense to bare. When you finally taper off them its going to take a good year probably even longer before you feel better if your going to. you will notice things getting better 6 months out but then it gets worse again for some. I would say 2 years and you will be ok. Xanax and klonopin are different beasts tho so you may have a harder time at first but start turning around quicker, this all depends on how much and how long youve been on it. stay away from other drugs while coming off even tho it can be tempting it will just prolong everything. The only drug I would recommend would be clonidine its a beta blocker I wish I would have known about it when I was tapering it really helps the restless legs blood pressure and adrenaline surges and makes you drowsy so you can sleep.

 

[Steve]

Even if you get off successfully, it is likely that there might be permanent damage.

I continue to have an elevated stress response as compared to the pre-benzo days. More distressingly, I have this neuropathic pain in my dick and it continues to feel numb.

 

[war-is-lost]

You will have to face the fact that you have to get off of these things eventually and its going to be the hardest thing you have ever done you can count on that. You need to be aware of the two most important things when doing this, take it very very very slow we are talking maybe dropping a half mg every two months kind of slow and you need to have a good support system without these things it will be to intense to bare. When you finally taper off them its going to take a good year probably even longer before you feel better if your going to. you will notice things getting better 6 months out but then it gets worse again for some. I would say 2 years and you will be ok. Xanax and klonopin are different beasts tho so you may have a harder time at first but start turning around quicker, this all depends on how much and how long youve been on it. stay away from other drugs while coming off even tho it can be tempting it will just prolong everything. The only drug I would recommend would be clonidine its a beta blocker I wish I would have known about it when I was tapering it really helps the restless legs blood pressure and adrenaline surges and makes you drowsy so you can sleep.

i have already tried to come off for the whole of last year but I couldn't do it. The withdrawals are just out of this world. I am not going to try any more and will CTB in about 2 weeks. But thanks for the tips in any case, I hope it can help someone else out there who are in this benzos hell.

 

[Nauseated]

Even if you get off successfully, it is likely that there might be permanent damage.

I continue to have an elevated stress response as compared to the pre-benzo days. More distressingly, I have this neuropathic pain in my dick and it continues to feel numb.

Yeah me too the stress response problem has never resolved only has went down ever so slightly thats why I would be up for multiple days at a time with adrenaline coursing through my veins. The ones things that have actually helped quite a bit that I only found recently is clonidine its a beta blocker it slows down your heart rate and stops the surge of adrenaline going through your body, it also helps a good deal with restless legs.

 

[Okami]

I really despise the hypocrisy of society. We're always encouraged to share our issues with psychiatrists/therapists, and yet nothing good ever comes out of it. I personally refuse to take any kind of medication for depression due to knowing their potential side-effects, and I was actually once threatened by my therapist, who stated that she would send me back to the mental hospital if I kept refusing to take these pills. And the funny thing is that I had just finished telling her just how awful my experience there was and how I left mentally scarred and even worse off than before.

These "mental health professionals" aren't any more qualified to "help" you than the people on /r/SuicideWatch. They all say and do the same bullshit anyway; giving you stereotypical and bullshit "advice" and then quickly giving up on you after they see that they're not easily making progress with your mental state. The only real difference there is is that they can attempt to shove countless medications down your throat and act like they will solve literally all of your problems. They put medications on way too high of a pedestal, treating them as if they're the end to all mental and physical conditions. And if they or the "professionals" who gave them to you don't notice any positive differences, then it's your fault, and not the latter for failing to understand their patients or lacking the understanding and patience that is beyond necessary for these kinds of situations. Mental health issues are complicated as all hell, as every single person is affected differently. But if they can't help you, then they just automatically reach the assumption that you're beyond help and just send you to some psych ward so you're temporarily (or permanently) taken out of their hands.

I remember being switched to therapist after therapist since all them realized that they couldn't actually help me, to the point where I've lost count from how many I've seen. I never talked to any of them enough to form any kind of connection to where I felt comfortable discussing issues that were more private and sensitive for me, as after a few sessions I was redirected to someone else who seemed just as bored and uncaring as the last.

The sad reality is that there is no "help" in this world, or at least not any that won't cause other problems or cost a ridiculous amount of money. You have to sacrifice important things or even potentially make your life worse just to even try to start feeling better, and I learned a long time ago that it's just not worth all the hoops you have to get through. Even if I did find medications that worked, I'd be practically chained to them and forced to rely on them everyday if I don't want to suffer from the symptoms of withdrawal. But that's what society wants. They want you to spend more and more money on these bullshit pills. We're nothing but their cash cow, and that's all we'll ever be. And then everybody gets all confused when people commit suicide, desperately attempting to blame literally anything or anyone else but themselves. Because if it's the therapist's fault, that'll only further discourage people to make appointments, and they'll start losing money, and they can't have that, can they?

 

[Nauseated]

i have already tried to come off for the whole of last year but I couldn't do it. The withdrawals are just out of this world. I am not going to try any more and will CTB in about 2 weeks. But thanks for the tips in any case, I hope it can help someone else out there who are in this benzos hell.

After I posted that I just realized that your point of getting more in the first place was to ctb. Yeah I honestly feel intensely bad that you are going to kill yourself because of these pieces of shit and that I cant tell you it will get better because honestly I wish I would have killed myself 5 years ago but I had hope things would get better. I do hope someone else can be helped by it still though, some people do make it through with the right support and tips.

 

[war-is-lost]

After I posted that I just realized that your point of getting more in the first place was to ctb. Yeah I honestly feel intensely bad that you are going to kill yourself because of these pieces of shit and that I cant tell you it will get better because honestly I wish I would have killed myself 5 years ago but I had hope things would get better. I do hope someone else can be helped by it still though, some people do make it through with the right support and tips.

Thanks, dude. I know my body pretty well and I have read a shit ton of materials on benzos. A lot of people have actually killed themselves during the withdrawals. I know my brain wouldn't heal, and with that my body needs to follow suit.

 

[Nauseated]

Thanks, dude. I know my body pretty well and I have read a shit ton of materials on benzos. A lot of people have actually killed themselves during the withdrawals. I know my brain wouldn't heal, and with that my body needs to follow suit.

tbh I think what I'm experiencing anymore is more of a post traumatic disorder from the severity of my withdrawal. It was the most horrible thing I could have imagined. When certain memories come into my head from during the withdrawal now i will start shaking and go into a panic attack. I have flashbacks from the withdrawal and the physical and mental abuse my gf was putting me through at the same time. It was just and all around cluster fuck. It pains me so much to know these things are claiming another victim to just see someone else have to kill themselves to take make it stop and no one can even understand our suffering since these medications dont get the attention they deserve. Benzos were literally first produced by the devil in the bowels of hell Im most sure of this.

 

[Nauseated]

Thanks, dude. I know my body pretty well and I have read a shit ton of materials on benzos. A lot of people have actually killed themselves during the withdrawals. I know my brain wouldn't heal, and with that my body needs to follow suit.

How are you planning to go btw, what were you going to use the benzos for?

 

[war-is-lost]

How are you planning to go btw, what were you going to use the benzos for?

I am going to use n in a hotel room, I will use 3 bottles as my Gaba receptors are compromised. The benzos are just to calm last minute nerves together with some spirit.

 

[Nauseated]

I am going to use n in a hotel room, I will use 3 bottles as my Gaba receptors are compromised. The benzos are just to calm last minute nerves together with some spirit.

I am still toying with the idea of using N but have also read about the complications for benzo addicts even though I have been off them for years now I had a couple month stint on them earlier this year. I dont have enough for three bottles its bullshit these pills even took away our peace of mind at knowing the N will do its job. Do you think 2 bottles will suffice Since Im not on them anymore? Also, do you have any worries about keeping down that much N, pills, and booze even with anti enemics

 

[war-is-lost]

I am still toying with the idea of using N but have also read about the complications for benzo addicts even though I have been off them for years now I had a couple month stint on them earlier this year. I dont have enough for three bottles its bullshit these pills even took away our peace of mind at knowing the N will do its job. Do you think 2 bottles will suffice Since Im not on them anymore? Also, do you have any worries about keeping down that much N, pills, and booze even with anti enemics

I can't tell for sure. But from what I have read, N would still work but it just takes a bit longer for benzos users to have complete respiratory failure. As to throwing up, I am pretty sure with the maxolon I will be taking and lining my stomach with alkaline substances, the shit should stay down. I hardly ever voit anyway and have a pretty strong stomach but then again I have never taken shit like N. I understand there will be risks but I am willing to take those odds.

 

[Nauseated]

I can't tell for sure. But from what I have read, N would still work but it just takes a bit longer for benzos users to have complete respiratory failure. As to throwing up, I am pretty sure with the maxolon I will be taking and lining my stomach with alkaline substances, the shit should stay down. I hardly ever voit anyway and have a pretty strong stomach but then again I have never taken shit like N. I understand there will be risks but I am willing to take those odds.

Best of luck to whatever you decide my friend, I hope you get the relief you desire.

 

[war-is-lost]

Best of luck to whatever you decide my friend, I hope you get the relief you desire.

Thank you and likewise to you. I will be doing it in about 2 weeks time. If I failed, I would come back and let you guys know.

 

[Steve]

I can't tell for sure. But from what I have read, N would still work but it just takes a bit longer for benzos users to have complete respiratory failure. As to throwing up, I am pretty sure with the maxolon I will be taking and lining my stomach with alkaline substances, the shit should stay down. I hardly ever voit anyway and have a pretty strong stomach but then again I have never taken shit like N. I understand there will be risks but I am willing to take those odds.

All the best. I hope you find peace. Benzo withdrawal truly is hell on earth. Given that you've been on those fuckers for 11 years, acute withdrawal is likely to last a few years at least. It's like choosing between torture and death. I pray you find peace whichever way you go.

 

[war-is-lost]

All the best. I hope you find peace. Benzo withdrawal truly is hell on earth. Given that you've been on those fuckers for 11 years, acute withdrawal is likely to last a few years at least. It's like choosing between torture and death. I pray you find peace whichever way you go.

Thank you, my friend. I have nothing inside me to put up with a fight. I have accepted my fate. All the best to you in whatever direction you choose to go.

 

[Nauseated]

All the best. I hope you find peace. Benzo withdrawal truly is hell on earth. Given that you've been on those fuckers for 11 years, acute withdrawal is likely to last a few years at least. It's like choosing between torture and death. I pray you find peace whichever way you go.

like choosing between torture and death is exactly what it feels like.

 

[Definitelyworried]

I got 5150 once they wanted me to sign the voluntariy stay form, I asked them for 15 minutes so I can talk to my family before I make that decision, and they kicked me out instead, first they force me against my will to go there then they kick me out and who knows how much money they made off that, since there was a 60 mile ambulance ride from one hospital to another. It made me go from suicidal to highly suicidal. I been much more depressed ever since.
Sometimes I feel like the system is now designed for us to kill ourselves.