"You shouldnt be in a relationship when you're depressed/suicidal"

[Rustysoupcan]

You do yall think of that saying? I recently came across a tiktok and all the comments were about how the creator is a bad person for being in a relationship while suicidal, because that's difficult for the partner to deal with. Which I get that it can be difficult for the partner, but I don't in any way think you shouldnt be in a relationship because of mental health issues. If your relationship is strong it it's better to be in a relationship imo because then you have someone to lean on instead of dealing with it alone. And there are people, like myself and many here, that are chronically depressed and chronically suicidal. Should we never find love?

 

[electrojellysoup]

That's very rude of those commenters. Love happens when it happens. It's not up to random internet people to decide for the couple whether a relationship is good for them. Of course it will be more difficult when one or more people involved have a serious mental health issue, but to say that disqualifies a person from a healthy loving relationship is so wrong.

 

[LastLoveLetter]

I find the expectation that you must be perfectly stable prior to entering a relationship unrealistic and shortsighted. Of course mental illnesses can be difficult for a partner to deal with, but that does not mean a depressed or suicidal individual must resign themselves to being alone.

I don't often hear people say that those with other health difficulties should avoid relationships altogether indefinitely. That's not to say it doesn't happen, I have certainly seen this belief towards disabled and chronically ill people too. However, I have noticed that this rhetoric is most frequently applied to mental illnesses. The expectation is that we must "overcome" our mental illnesses first, which neglects the fact that they are illnesses. Not only that, but mental illnesses can be chronic and treatment-resistant just like other types of conditions.

What about those who are healthy when they start a relationship and acquire illnesses later down the line? Should they just up and leave their partners? Anyone can become ill, no-one is immune to all ailments. I wonder if commenters who are physically and psychologically healthy would practice what they preach if they developed a debilitating condition or suffered a dire change of circumstances leading to suicidality themselves.

Should a person with heart disease "overcome" their heart problems before they enter a relationship? How about a person with asthma or diabetes? No? Then why is it acceptable to make such demands of those with depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, complex PTSD etc? It's a massive double standard.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Oh i cant believe im saying this

If a partner knows about the problems and feels they can handle it, then that is up to the SO. As long as they both work together and are open and honest as they can be, i dont see why it cant work. Sure it takes a little more work than a normal relationship, but that doesnt mean it shouldnt be.

 

[nerve]

Soft agree. If you're already in committed relationship and the other person says they love you, they should obviously be supportive, but I think that actively looking for a new relationship when you're in the throes of any severe illness (physical or mental) usually isn't a good decision. I'd argue that there are more important things for a person to deal with at that time than finding love.

You hear about men leaving their wives after they have a mastectomy or situations where someone has a traumatic brain injury and their partner doesn't want to be with them anymore. It's not just a mental illness thing.

Being "suicidal" doesn't automatically mean someone is too sick to be in a relationship though. Plenty of people who live with chronic suicidal thoughts say that even though they've got things mostly sorted out, they still wake up wishing they weren't here. It's just something they live with. A nagging symptom.

I've accepted that I'm probably going to be in the "too sick" category for the rest of my life and I'm kind of okay with that. All I have to offer are problems anyway. It'd be irresponsible of me to expect someone to just like cope with me being a complete dumpster fire when I can barely support myself, let alone support them or our relationship.

 

[BeyondGoodNEvil]

If you simply think about it. A person thats depressed/suicidal has too much things on his mind and this creates a burden on the relationship.simply either you focus on yourself or you try to make it work.Imo they are not wrong but it depends on the relationship,if they have been going out for long or not.if not then this sounds selfish but imagine your partners thoughts thinking why am i risking going out with a suicidal person when i could just date someone else.when starting relationships u dont want problems from the start no that starts in marriage.all the best parts of relationship are always in beginnings.So if you are feeling depressed dont be suprised that its hard to find a date and for your partner to stay committed.im not against going for it but rarely i see it work out between partners in early relationships

 

[Mr2005]

I would rather be in a relationship than on Tiktok

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

I think it's hard to show/feel luv when one hates themselves and wants to exit. I think the relationship can turn to a using type of thing. I just want to clear up something because I am reading from post and comment/s that there's either mental or physical reasons for being suicidal. There's also situational....money is one factor. Not everyone suicidal is mental or suffering physically.

In my opinion it's hard being alone...suicidal or not...but there's a neediness that a suicidal person has that others don't. I don't think a suicidal person can offer much cheer and joy and for that I don't think it's very desirable for a non-suicidal person to 'take on' one that thinks about ending things.

 

[ithappens]

I mean I got into my relationship while I was suicidal and very vulnerable. My husband's a good man. If anything having his love and being able to fully show my love for him without having to suppress myself as I must in almost all other social situations has made me less suicidal (not completely mind you, I still have bad days) and has provided me a very big reason to live and try harder for his sake.

Bear in mind that this is not the outcome everyone will have in this situation. But it's not up for other people - especially strangers - to decide for another couple.

 

[deflationary]

Idk, I'd never get into a relationship with someone that didn't have a deep understanding of being suicidal. Getting into a relationship with a normie does sound a bit unfair, but who would even want that? Maybe it's just me but being suicidal is like 80% of my personality so it's definitely something that my partner would have to get lmao. And if both of you are on the same page then it's obviously fine.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Pursue whatever you want in life, if someone doesn't like it they can go fuck themselves. Simple as that.