You should be thankful, some people have it worse

[Darkover]

Why do people say this? Is the fact that the majority of people on earth are poor supposed to comfort me? Am I supposed to say "You're right, thank god I'm not like those people. Thank you for reminding me that the majority of people are poor, live under an authoritarian regime, or both. The fact that so many people are suffering really makes me happy." Do people who think like this have no empathy?
It's such a stupid thing to compare people's issues. Just because one isn't as "dire" as the other doesn't mean it's not a problem anymore.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Definitely. I think gratitude can be a nice feeling- if you genuinely feel it. Otherwise, it's one big guilt trip. Plus, a lot of people here wish they hadn't even been born to begin with! So- that's not a good foundation. All we end up is being grateful that things are no worse. But- I agree with you. It feels like there's this weird slightly sadistic side to it. Thank goodness or God even that I'm not that poor sod. What kind of attitude is that? It does almost sound like being smug that these really awful things are happening to someone else instead.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'd never be thankful to exist, to me no matter what it's always so dreadful and terrible to exist as a human, existing truly is just meaningless suffering with no limit as to how much one can suffer.

Hearing that other people are extremely tormented and feel such immense agony just reminds me of what an abomination existence is and just makes me wish for the peace of eternal nothingness even more. What I find disgusting is how selfish humans procreate even know nobody can be harmed by not existing yet expect others to be grateful for the fact they were so cruelly burdened with the ability to exist, more than anything I wish I never existed at all, eternal non-existence is always preferable to me.

 

[Coconut blue]

they don't realize other ppl's suffering doesn't invalidate yours

 

[divinemistress36]

And theres lots of people who have it better than us ..

 

[UKscotty]

I think it depends on the situation.

Some people really do whine and moan about stupid things. If someone is moaning that they can't afford a new car but they have no job etc I see where the statement is coming from.

If its someone talking about their depression and suicidal thoughts, of course that's different.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

There's always someone who has it worse. Where's the line? Who has the right to determine what that "line" is? The worst hell is the one that you yourself has to live in. Only you can determine how much is too much.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

That phrase sucks. I'm surprised that even normies take it seriously... actually, no, I'm not surprised. But nonetheless, it's irritating how they take that phrase seriously. Just because my life isn't the worst case scenario doesn't mean that my life is good enough. In a lot of cases, the best of something is simply inadequate. Of course people aren't used to that sentiment because they're so used to everything simply.. working for them. They're too used with how the best of some things does produce results such as how they can click a button on their device and an order will come to them. The concept of a life being shitty enough despite not being the worst is an alien concept to them due to our hyper consumer society

 

[ctbcat]

this line of thinking has never worked for me. i spent years wondering why i felt the way i did, invalidating my feelings, wishing i was sick to give all the pain meaning when i already was and just didn't have the words yet.

there's people that grow up with physical abuse, come to school with bruises all over, children that die over it. does that mean i should go fuck my mental illness because i was only emotionally neglected?

impact is a perspective thing. i wouldn't shit on someone who went through less than i have for feeling suicidal or feeling angry/upset with the world. why do it to myself?

 

[cosmic-freedom]

Everyone is ready to preach,unless they are in misery.It stops once they are kicked off their high horses.

 

[3/4Dead]

Only you can determine how much is too much.

This is the biggest thing. what the absolute wost is is different for everyone. if someone is coming from a war their capacity for terrible things is different than someone whos lived a pretty cushy quiet life

 

[UmbraDweller]

I would say the main idea here is to remind us of the things we have and forget to appreciate, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. But it still requires some selfishness in order for you to get good feeling out of turning someones suffering into "yay that ain't me I'm happy now", it's honestly pretty gross.

On the other hand, I think those people don't look at, for instance, a poorer person without some empathy. It's not like they feel happy about their suffering, but happy they are not in their shoes. But it depends on person ofcourse, some straight up laugh at them and let their ego bloat, because they are doing better in something. Some feel pure compassion to ones who suffer and don't even think to make it about themselves like you.

Issue is when people use it to devaluate your problems and make a competition out of it. Like when they say it as if you are not allowed to feel bad about x, because starving children in Africa exist, which is obviously stupid and doesn't solve anything. It only makes the said problem seem like less of a deal by comparison to something worse.

 

[LaughingGoat]

I'm not a fan of people telling this to others unless they're hearing constant complaints, but it is a healthy, rational way to think internally to maintain perspective . I read all the time on here about people who deal with chronic physical pain and it gives me empathy for their plight and gratitude that I don't suffer from that. I don't think that is selfish as others stated, it is just recognizing that some people deal with things that I can't fully fathom, so when I do deal with injuries I remind myself that other people power through that pain on a daily basis. But again not saying anyone should be forced to change their perception, just that it is a legitimate way of keeping resilient for many people.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Thanks I hate it.

 

[Goku Black]

The best consolation in misfortune or affliction of any kind will be the thought of other people who are in a still worse plight than yourself; and this is a form of consolation open to everyone. But what an awful fate this means for mankind as a whole!

– Arthur Schopenhauer

Phrases such as this one and "others have it worse" only prove that no matter how bad someone's state is, it will always be even worse for others, and that there truly seems to be no limit to human suffering.

 

[Dayrain]

Why do people say this?

It's a form of gaslighting? In a brainwashing manner it's shifts focus away from the person to which it is being said, which is exactly the opposite of caring and it is no advice at all, which is what pro-life nonsense always is.

 

[Lostandlooking]

I would never say this to anyone, ever. Those people really are missing the point. Someone is suffering and each type of suffering should idealy be met with compassion. No matter how minor it may seem to someone else. For myself, internally, I do use this strategy. And it works because I still have good things in life to be grateful for. I have been in worse places, my situation has stabilized somewhat. So I can say to myself that at least it's not as bad as it used to be. As a random example, I'm not homeless. And I'm grateful for that and if I became homeless I'm sure that would be the end for me. It's not so much that I say; at least I'm not homeless, look at those homeless people, they're somehow less than me. I feel awful about people having to live on the street. I wish everyone had a place to call home. I'm not comforted at all by the fact that there are homeless people. It makes me sad. I'm also not comforted by the thought that some people are having to face war, severe disabilities, abusive relationships or anything else that is painful. It's not a competition either. My troubles are minor compared to all of that. But I'm still hurting nonetheless. Is it selfish to count my blessings? I don't know. I certainly would never tell someone else they could have it worse. But internally for myself it's a valuable tool.

 

[ASp4E]

Indeed the potential for suffering seems limitless. I find looking into examples of such greater suffering to be very powerful in maintaining motivation and drive to CTB, so I think hearing this phrase myself would be a good thing, since it would serve as a reaffirmation to CTB. I feel very sorry for the people that have to face such immense suffering, and hope they find their own peace whatever it may be.

 

[Defenestration]

Why do people say this? Is the fact that the majority of people on earth are poor supposed to comfort me? Am I supposed to say "You're right, thank god I'm not like those people. Thank you for reminding me that the majority of people are poor, live under an authoritarian regime, or both. The fact that so many people are suffering really makes me happy." Do people who think like this have no empathy?
It's such a stupid thing to compare people's issues. Just because one isn't as "dire" as the other doesn't mean it's not a problem anymore.

View attachment 142126

Yes very stupide.
Every suffer IS different

 

[prototypian]

I dislike this sentiment as well. It goes along with the entire basis of therapy where cognitive perspective is really the only innovation wherein you compare yourself to something and shift the perspective to the concept that your own personal life should be viewed differently. There isn't a therapy strategy to actually change what is making you depressed. The strategy is just to imagine what was your own depressing failures as "happy joyful times that make everything ok simply based on persoective". Oh and "visualize in a more positive way when you feel triggered."

I can't believe after hundreds of years of training the only way to do therapy is convince people to view things differently.


The comparisons to some poor soul with an abusive parent who has no food is yet another way for me to feel like I'm a failure by having a comparison to yet another person who is tougher and has a better outlook than me.

It's different but the same as "eat your veggies there are children starving in africa"
I always thought "1, why are there children starving when we should do something about that and 2) can I give them my veggies I'm not hungry right now"

My advice is don't even listen to the person doing the comparison. Not because it's helpful or will help you cope but because the idiot doing the comparison doesn't live with whatever you are dealing with so they should shut up.

 

[TAW122]

Yes, I hate it when people use that line of reasoning or phrase to hand-wave away problems that others' are facing or suffering. It's rather insulting and annoying to have to deal with such ignorance. I would say it's the fallacy of relative privation, since it undermines and invalidates another's suffering by comparing it to a worse (relative, subjective) suffering that another person has gone through.

 

[All_is_in_vanity]

OP please make a post about suicide being a moral obligation and how everyone should be forced to cbt.

 

[LeeHooni]

I strongly dislike people who said that people have it worse, it's unvalidating how you may suffer and it's like your feelings don't matter because someone had it worse. I think this sentence is a pityful example on how most people don't care about your own suffering and just want to ignore it.

 

[Darkover]

OP please make a post about suicide being a moral obligation and how everyone should be forced to cbt.

my body is for me; my body is my own. It's about power, and it's about agency. It's about choice, and it's about dignity. Bodily autonomy is the foundation for gender equality, and above all, it's a fundamental right.

 

[All_is_in_vanity]

my body is for me; my body is my own. It's about power, and it's about agency. It's about choice, and it's about dignity. Bodily autonomy is the foundation for gender equality, and above all, it's a fundamental right.

Choice cause more suffering. You just said life is objectively bad. Hence suicide is morally right because it stops the bad

 

[littlelungs]

Oh god, I hate this so much. I was constantly invalidated growing up and I internalized the fuck out of it, even though I (rationally) know now as an adult that statements like these are total BS. Suffering is suffering, it's not a competition.

 

[purplesky]

I completely understand why people use this phrase so frequently and easily as a means to try to comfort someone. To me, it simply invalidates the person who has intrusted you as a support system and a means to vent. It simply means be grateful your situation is not as bad because others have it worse, of course we know this but it doesn't stop our hell and torment we are currently in and internal suffering we deal with everyday. I learned to stop complaining to others because they will never understand and see things as you see and feel them, it's pointless.

 

[Defenestration]

my body is for me; my body is my own. It's about power, and it's about agency. It's about choice, and it's about dignity. Bodily autonomy is the foundation for gender equality, and above all, it's a fundamental right.

Yes