Venting You ever just feel so done with life but you're forced to keep going?

[ultrasharpy123456]

Boy I am tired. I am so done with life and I just want to die. You know what's funny? My sister had to go to New Jersey and when I found out my family was going with her I told my mom I'd rather just stay home. But my sister said it'd be dangerous to leave me here.

It's as if she knew I would ingest the SN while they were gone.

 

[jodes2]

Yeah I'm done with life. But I'm hanging around for my gf because I don't want to hurt her, she only has me, and a few internet friends. I don't think she'd cope well with my death, she has a good memory for traumas. I'm sorry your family are gatekeeping you from suicide, that must be tough. Unfortunately it looks like I've got to hang around another 30-40 years, sigh

 

[fettuccinenoodle]

Yes. Made an attempt tonight and it failed. Feel like a failure I cant even do this right, lots of water in my lungs though I can feel it burning and I've heard of dry drowning, We'll see in a couple days.

Now to prep for work tomorrow ugh

That does suck. They just do it because they care, as annoying as it is...my mom and sister just keep randomly messaging me "I love you!!!" Which makes me feel guilty more than it really helps me feel better

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

Yes. Made an attempt tonight and it failed. Feel like a failure I cant even do this right, lots of water in my lungs though I can feel it burning and I've heard of dry drowning, We'll see in a couple days.

Now to prep for work tomorrow ugh

That does suck. They just do it because they care, as annoying as it is...my mom and sister just keep randomly messaging me "I love you!!!" Which makes me feel guilty more than it really helps me feel better

It's just so hard.

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, that is how I feel all the time. Every moment is spent wishing to die yet I feel trapped here. I want nothing to do with existing at all, being in this world really is such a horrific thing. I just hate the fact how life even evolved in the first place to allow all this suffering to exist. There could never be any benefit to existing and I envy those who die so much yet actually leaving this world is very difficult at least for me. It's certainly a very prison like existence and I hate the view that society has that life must be lived at all costs and that suffering must be prolonged. To me it's incredibly disturbing and I'm so tired of this cruel nightmarish world. I only wish for the peace that permanent non existence could bring.

 

[niiina]

Yes I'm absolutely done too

 

[Ineedtodie]

I'm done, in prespective I' m irredeemable. I' m done with this hellish prison life and done causing pain.

 

[lili]

I'm really done. My doctor asks me all the time why I keep saying all I want to do is die but then I keep doing all of my responsibilities taking my medications and making all of his appointments. He says I'm extremely functional and responsible for someone who wants to die really bad. To be honest I don't know why I keep up with my responsibilities. I tell him I just don't have a method to die right now. It's not like I want to stab myself multiple times. I'm just so done, but I don't know how to be done.

 

[Silent.Tears]

All the time baby all the d*mn time

 

[theboy]

Everyday

 

[Someday_Somehow32]

All of the time

 

[BipolarExpress]

My feeling exactly. I ordered SN last month and have been planning to do it, but my survival instinct and social obligations keep getting in the way. I've pushed the date back about a month. I wonder how much longer I'll keep pushing it back.

 

[ShanaRei]

I'm really done. My doctor asks me all the time why I keep saying all I want to do is die but then I keep doing all of my responsibilities taking my medications and making all of his appointments. He says I'm extremely functional and responsible for someone who wants to die really bad. To be honest I don't know why I keep up with my responsibilities. I tell him I just don't have a method to die right now. It's not like I want to stab myself multiple times. I'm just so done, but I don't know how to be done.

All the time. Must be survival instincts

 

[DefiedOdds]

Consistently every single day. I have a job that requires zero use of my brain so I stand there all day thinking of why I'm still here and how numb my emotions are. Its getting tiring putting on a fake smile.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Yes, weeks turn to months, and months turn to years. I've been suicidal since I was a child, and will never not be. Life gets harder as time goes on, yet fantasising about the idea of this hell being over and actually putting those thoughts into action are two different matters.

I was so close, got caught mid-attempt, and became afraid to try again, lest I fail and end up being traumatized in a hospital. My issues are not fixable, and have only gotten worse as I've gotten older. The outcome is inevitable, but I'm still around, for better or worse. I don't want to be, though. Survival instinct is a bitch.

Being stuck in such a situation is akin to purgatory. Not really living, and not dying either. No future to look forward to. Others who don't really care about me or what I want, and could drop me in an instant because "no one owes me anything" force me to live against my will, knowing the issues that make me suicidal are non-negotiable.

For me, I feel trapped because I don't have control over my life nor my death either. I'm sure many others feel the same way. All I can do is struggle, with no remedy for the things that destroy me, and get told by idiots to just be positive. I would like to see them try being autistic, without family or close friends, dealing with other health issues and PTSD. They know I can't be helped but don't want to admit it because they might be on the hook if I ctb.

How can one enjoy life when we have no freedom over it's ending? Imagine if you were forced to watch a terrible film on repeat, over and over again, and you beg to leave the cinema. Yet, bystanders insist you must be forced to watch this movie for your own good until the film reel decays and naturally succumbs to the elements, all because they enjoy the film, so by extension you must be manhandled into watching it too- despite the fact that the curtains will close and the screen is going to go black for everyone in the audience eventually. They just can't fathom anyone walking out of the film willingly, because they're afraid of what happens when it finishes.

 

[webawl]

Daily. I know I have things I need/want to get done in the day, but just lack the energy to even start.