You can't change. Change is impossible.

[dandan]

If I knew many years ago that I wouldn't change I might have stopped trying... Maybe not...
What I didn't understand is that can't change who I am, but I can change lot of other things about myself concept and about my actions.
Foolish me... Wasted 20 years of my life trying to change...... I can change some thoughts but not myself , and even changing beliefs is not easy, but maybe possible , but without the desire to CHANGE ME, JUST THE BELIEF.

I wish I had accepted this truth long time ago , I can't change, I can only change my actions , but I can't change myself.

I accept that now. I won't try to change me no more. I might change other things, some behavoirs, I can try changing some beliefs, I can do things , but not change me.

 

[cornflowerblue]

If I knew many years ago that I wouldn't change I might have stopped trying... Maybe not...
What I didn't understand is that can't change who I am, but I can change lot of other things about myself concept and about my actions.
Foolish me... Wasted 20 years of my life trying to change...... I can change some thoughts but not myself , and even changing beliefs is not easy, but maybe possible , but without the desire to CHANGE ME, JUST THE BELIEF.

I wish I had accepted this truth long time ago , I can't change, I can only change my actions , but I can't change myself.

I accept that now. I won't try to change me no more. I might change other things, some behavoirs, I can try changing some beliefs, I can do things , but not change me.

I don't think I can change me, because there's no such thing as a solid or permanent me. Except maybe the neutral and traitless part of me that watches whatever version of current me going through the motions of life. It's actually really hard to even wrap my head around what somebody's "self" is. Maybe it's because I was raised to think that consciousness is a byproduct of electricity and chemicals. In a lot of ways I wish I was taught about souls or that kind of "self" or "me" as a kid so I could at least decide whether I believe it. Ive tried damn hard but it's impossible for me to even understand the concept so there's no choice of whether I accept or reject it, it's just not on the table for me.

The only me I have to reference or think about is to look at a description of my thoughts and actions over whatever time period is relevant to person I'm talking with or to whatever decision I'm making for myself.

I'm not sure whats easier. Thinking that change isn't the only thing that exists, or thinking that change isn't real. Both feel too black and white to ever feel ok or comfortable with.

 

[JoeFailure]

If I knew many years ago that I wouldn't change I might have stopped trying... Maybe not...
What I didn't understand is that can't change who I am, but I can change lot of other things about myself concept and about my actions.
Foolish me... Wasted 20 years of my life trying to change...... I can change some thoughts but not myself , and even changing beliefs is not easy, but maybe possible , but without the desire to CHANGE ME, JUST THE BELIEF.

I wish I had accepted this truth long time ago , I can't change, I can only change my actions , but I can't change myself.

I accept that now. I won't try to change me no more. I might change other things, some behavoirs, I can try changing some beliefs, I can do things , but not change me.

I don't think that's necessarily true. It is possible to change. But it may not matter if your past self put you in too big of a hole for your changed self to climb out of.

That's how I feel about myself. I can see the life I'd live if I had money and more professional capability. Unfortunately I'm doing terrible with both and those are the things this life is all about.

At the end of the day, you can aspire to help others all you want...but money is the evil ruler of the world.

 

[dandan]

.

At the end of the day, you can aspire to help others all you want...but money is the evil ruler of the world.

I know! And I hate the fact that my Bitcoin holdings I had and my momma force me to sold because of a car accident she wouldn't borrow me money to pay is equal to 1.4million USD today!!
Fuck my dad, he didn't lend me even 100bucks when I asked for. Maybe not a reason to die for itself , it just add weight in my burden of regrets, thoughts and feelings.

I'm not sure whats easier. Thinking that change isn't the only thing that exists, or thinking that change isn't real. Both feel too black and white to ever feel ok or comfortable with.

Sure change exist, in a level, in a way, but if change was possible I would have stop spending time here and enjoying life outside!
Change is possible in a way, everything change, even a part of myself, but in a level.
A change in perception and wanting to live is not happening ever day.
If the desired change was possible, why many people here??

I completely disagree with you if we are referring to the same level or reference of change, like changing who am I so I can enjoy life and myself.

 

[LaBrava]

People sometimes do change over the course of a life, but often not in really fundamental ways, and often not really by choice - it's very difficult to will yourself to change in the specific ways you want. I always tend to think that the solutions offered to addictions show how much we can really change. If real change was possible then alcoholics should be able to change into casual drinkers. Instead they have to spend every day being vigilant and struggling with urges that never go away.

 

[deathenvoy]

After 6 month exhausting psychotherapy I'm starting to think that change is indeed impossible.
I can only learn how to workaround my limitations. My limitations will always be with me.

 

[dandan]

After 6 month exhausting psychotherapy I'm starting to think that change is indeed impossible.
I can only learn how to workaround my limitations. My limitations will always be with me.

I recommend you accept this, as ignoring this fact made struggle and look to change over 20 years, not with it. Working around limitations totally fine, putting more action than thinking too, it's good.

 

[Lush_nova]

can personality be changed? either by manipulation or by choice? this is something I am trying to understand. I believe our paths in life are decided by our choices in life, our choices in life decided by the personality we have. I believe that there are certain aspects we can change as no path is fully straight, (unless your on a damn short one) other parts are handed to us ones which may or may not be good for what we deem our life requirements are, but we deal with it.
BUT if we can change our personalities would this give us the chance to change everything? or are we stuck with the path that is chosen at birth? sorry so drunk right now this prob makes sense in my head only.....

 

[dandan]

can personality be changed? either by manipulation or by choice? this is something I am trying to understand. I believe our paths in life are decided by our choices in life, our choices in life decided by the personality we have. I believe that there are certain aspects we can change as no path is fully straight, (unless your on a damn short one) other parts are handed to us ones which may or may not be good for what we deem our life requirements are, but we deal with it.
BUT if we can change our personalities would this give us the chance to change everything? or are we stuck with the path that is chosen at birth? sorry so drunk right now this prob makes sense in my head only.....

Yup, drunk drunk,
We can change path given at birth, but changing myself has been a lifetime waste.
Sure I can change habits , and some things z but not the fundamental me

 

[Soul]

People sometimes do change over the course of a life, but often not in really fundamental ways, and often not really by choice - it's very difficult to will yourself to change in the specific ways you want. I always tend to think that the solutions offered to addictions show how much we can really change. If real change was possible then alcoholics should be able to change into casual drinkers. Instead they have to spend every day being vigilant and struggling with urges that never go away.

I was right with you up to the alcoholics: Some of them *can* learn to drink moderately. But in any case, yes, we change, but not necessarily because we want to or the way we want to.

 

[LaBrava]

I was right with you up to the alcoholics: Some of them *can* learn to drink moderately. But in any case, yes, we change, but not necessarily because we want to or the way we want to.

That's interesting to hear. I'm maybe believing the AA line on addiction.

 

[Soul]

That's interesting to hear. I'm maybe believing the AA line on addiction.

The Bad Science of Alcoholics Anonymous

Its faith-based 12-step program dominates treatment in the United States. But researchers have debunked central tenets of AA doctrine and found dozens of other treatments more effective.

www.theatlantic.com

@LaBrava, that's a very good article, but it's not my only reason for asserting that AA isn't for everyone and that total abstinence isn't the only possible route. It's downright scary to say that, given the monopoly AA has on our thinking about addiction, but fortunately there are other ways.

 

[JoeFailure]

can personality be changed? either by manipulation or by choice? this is something I am trying to understand. I believe our paths in life are decided by our choices in life, our choices in life decided by the personality we have. I believe that there are certain aspects we can change as no path is fully straight, (unless your on a damn short one) other parts are handed to us ones which may or may not be good for what we deem our life requirements are, but we deal with it.
BUT if we can change our personalities would this give us the chance to change everything? or are we stuck with the path that is chosen at birth? sorry so drunk right now this prob makes sense in my head only.....

I think you can change anything about yourself in terms of personality or how you choose to treat people. You can make those choices any day. You can even make the choice to change careers or your path in life.

But that last one is tricky like I said, because as is in my case, if your past idiot self put you in an insurmountable hole, you might not be able to climb out no matter how much you did change. That's the rub.

But if your path is salvageable, yes, 100% I believe people can change if they really want to.

 

[Lush_nova]

I think you can change anything about yourself in terms of personality or how you choose to treat people. You can make those choices any day. You can even make the choice to change careers or your path in life.

But that last one is tricky like I said, because as is in my case, if your past idiot self put you in an insurmountable hole, you might not be able to climb out no matter how much you did change. That's the rub.

But if your path is salvageable, yes, 100% I believe people can change if they really want to.

see this is where I struggle. Im generally a grumpy cow and hate it, no matter what I do its almost a default setting and I have no idea how to change it, I loathe it totally.
which is why I wonder what i wonder...

 

[dandan]

I think you can change anything about yourself in terms of personality or how you choose to treat people. You can make those choices any day. You can even make the choice to change careers or your path in life.

But that last one is tricky like I said, because as is in my case, if your past idiot self put you in an insurmountable hole, you might not be able to climb out no matter how much you did change. That's the rub.

But if your path is salvageable, yes, 100% I believe people can change if they really want to.

oh sure you can change to behave different, react different ( wich is not easy) but when you dislike yourself, or judge yourself too much in comparison to other people, no matter how much affirmations you do, you wont change, not that.....

going to AA and stop drinking is very possible, I did it for almost 5 years in a row... and a second time 2... it worked with my addiction, really good, not with me myself, wanting to change... actually they encourage you to Accept yourself.. not to change..

 

[Mljonzy]

I never understood the phrase "work on yourself" you are who you are and there is nothing you can do about it. When it came to genetics i lost badly and it has had terrible effects on how my life has been so because of that fuck life and the dumb laws of nature.

 

[TimeToDie]

I don't think people can fundamentally change, or at least I can't. I've suffered by extreme social phobia my entire life, starting even before social anxiety officialy became a thing by being added to the DSM in 1981. It's not going away. No drug has helped and I've tried them all.

 

[GinaIsReady]

Seems like some stuff can't be changed - traits and core stuff - but we can learn different ways of living with what cannot be changed. Other stuff can change. Like, if you are homosexual then you are homosexual, that's not changing. But say you are a night person but need to be a day person for some reason, say a job, then you have to and can adapt. You can learn different ways of dealing. I think its cool.

 

[Deleted member 1768]

The Bad Science of Alcoholics Anonymous

Its faith-based 12-step program dominates treatment in the United States. But researchers have debunked central tenets of AA doctrine and found dozens of other treatments more effective.

www.theatlantic.com

@LaBrava, that's a very good article, but it's not my only reason for asserting that AA isn't for everyone and that total abstinence isn't the only possible route. It's downright scary to say that, given the monopoly AA has on our thinking about addiction, but fortunately there are other ways.

It's downright scary to say that, given the monopoly AA has on our thinking about addiction, but fortunately there are other ways. Reminds me of the medical/mental health personnel and their push for patients to be loaded with highly dangerous and often severely damaging drugs.

 

[dandan]

What has changed in the past few weeks, is how I feel about myself and my willingness to go and do things, instead of just thinking in my room.

In my case, it was chemical, or better said, hormonal. Hormone replacement therapy has done wonders with me. Enjoying a good life now.

 

[justanotherday]

I think you can change anything about yourself in terms of personality or how you choose to treat people. You can make those choices any day. You can even make the choice to change careers or your path in life.

But that last one is tricky like I said, because as is in my case, if your past idiot self put you in an insurmountable hole, you might not be able to climb out no matter how much you did change. That's the rub.

But if your path is salvageable, yes, 100% I believe people can change if they really want to.

Not everyone can change. That is easier said than done.

 

[Sweet emotion]

If I knew many years ago that I wouldn't change I might have stopped trying... Maybe not...
What I didn't understand is that can't change who I am, but I can change lot of other things about myself concept and about my actions.
Foolish me... Wasted 20 years of my life trying to change...... I can change some thoughts but not myself , and even changing beliefs is not easy, but maybe possible , but without the desire to CHANGE ME, JUST THE BELIEF.

I wish I had accepted this truth long time ago , I can't change, I can only change my actions , but I can't change myself.

I accept that now. I won't try to change me no more. I might change other things, some behavoirs, I can try changing some beliefs, I can do things , but not change me.

You're not really explaining what is going on. I don't understand what you're talking about. Can you elaborate more?

 

[Kodama]

Rose is a rose is a rose is a rose (Gertrude Stein)... we are what we are what we are...

 

[deadalready]

Change has been cliché now, change is dished out as cure for all without regards to reality