This story is pretty useless. I worship education and intelligence way too much because of past abuse and bullying. I was in this day clinic some years ago. I had a crush on one girl. (she did not want a relationship with me). But another girl had a crush on me. (but I did not want a relationship with her).
I was educated about her illness (the second girl) and she felt very understood by me. She told this statement from the title. I felt very good because of that compliment. I told the rest of the story a couple of times but this is not the point of this thread.
A year afterwards I was again in this clinic. I secretly hoped for some potential romance but in general clinic stays help me temporarily a lot. I can recommend especially day clinics. The ones where I was were really great. I am in Germany and my health insurance paid 95% of the costs.
In the second clinic stay there was no romance. But I met an insanely smart and educated STEM professor. Honestly I thought in my mind the same what the girl said about me. This is the smartest person I ever met in my whole life. This guy impressed me and he was completely down to earth. He hated me though and considered me highly annoying. He had to giggle when the clinic staff called me very intelligent. He was very much into quantum physics. He saw through my charade after some minutes that I am a wanna be smartass. And that my education is not that profound. However he called me very thoughtful and I impressed him with my explanations about my mind. I don't want to explain some details for privacy reasons but there were some misunderstandings and I did want to disclose some details about my suicidality to him which would have explained my annoying behavior. He kind of hurt me he did not consider the roots of my behavior. He treated me like I was delusional.
What is the point of the story? Intelligence is relative. And there are different types of intelligence. He was not empathetic towards me. It is hard to assess someone's intelligence. In college one prof and some therapists were impressed by my intelligence. But this guy from the clinic was in a different dimension. He fueled my imposter syndrome a lot. Thinking too much about intelligence is sometimes not good for my self-esteem. If the abuse did not happen all of these toxic thoughts would not be part of my daily life. I only live to fulfil my obsessions.
I was educated about her illness (the second girl) and she felt very understood by me. She told this statement from the title. I felt very good because of that compliment. I told the rest of the story a couple of times but this is not the point of this thread.
A year afterwards I was again in this clinic. I secretly hoped for some potential romance but in general clinic stays help me temporarily a lot. I can recommend especially day clinics. The ones where I was were really great. I am in Germany and my health insurance paid 95% of the costs.
In the second clinic stay there was no romance. But I met an insanely smart and educated STEM professor. Honestly I thought in my mind the same what the girl said about me. This is the smartest person I ever met in my whole life. This guy impressed me and he was completely down to earth. He hated me though and considered me highly annoying. He had to giggle when the clinic staff called me very intelligent. He was very much into quantum physics. He saw through my charade after some minutes that I am a wanna be smartass. And that my education is not that profound. However he called me very thoughtful and I impressed him with my explanations about my mind. I don't want to explain some details for privacy reasons but there were some misunderstandings and I did want to disclose some details about my suicidality to him which would have explained my annoying behavior. He kind of hurt me he did not consider the roots of my behavior. He treated me like I was delusional.
What is the point of the story? Intelligence is relative. And there are different types of intelligence. He was not empathetic towards me. It is hard to assess someone's intelligence. In college one prof and some therapists were impressed by my intelligence. But this guy from the clinic was in a different dimension. He fueled my imposter syndrome a lot. Thinking too much about intelligence is sometimes not good for my self-esteem. If the abuse did not happen all of these toxic thoughts would not be part of my daily life. I only live to fulfil my obsessions.
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