Yet another order for SN but VSED as plan B

[inaminute]

So after ordering from better equipped and being told no I have ordered from a russian site that is reputable and take crypto but in the meantime I am into day 3 of no food. I shall continue this for 2 weeks and if that passes with no arrival then I will cease fluids.

My mum died in Feb 23 after 2 months no food and a 6 day hospitalisation where by day 3 in hospital she quit fluids and just slept. I was in the room in a bed cot next to her when she died. I miss her so. She has taught me a thing or two.

I was sexually abused since age 9-16 I didn't realise a crime was committed against me until I was 24 and now at age 46 I am a complete wreck just wishing to die every day.

Sorry if I gave anyone hope by using my business as a reason to obtain SN in the UK but it is what it is.

 

[Ash’Girl]

I'm sorry for the hand life dealt you. Childhood trauma is carried lifelong. Even when you think you've processed in my experience it comes back and bites you especially when other traumatic life events happen. They stack and it all gets so overwhelming.

Grief is really hard to navigate and can be so intense and debilitating even for those with no prior traumas. It's hard, but is in a way the price of love.

VSED is hard to stick to (I did try this when in acute stages of grief when my fiancé died) but I gave up when my legs kept giving way - it was too hard for me to stick to. However things play out for you, I hope you find some peace.

Sending hugs. X

 

[baabbaabbaab]

So after ordering from better equipped and being told no I have ordered from a russian site that is reputable and take crypto but in the meantime I am into day 3 of no food. I shall continue this for 2 weeks and if that passes with no arrival then I will cease fluids.

My mum died in Feb 23 after 2 months no food and a 6 day hospitalisation where by day 3 in hospital she quit fluids and just slept. I was in the room in a bed cot next to her when she died. I miss her so. She has taught me a thing or two.

I was sexually abused since age 9-16 I didn't realise a crime was committed against me until I was 24 and now at age 46 I am a complete wreck just wishing to die every day.

Sorry if I gave anyone hope by using my business as a reason to obtain SN in the UK but it is what it is.

So sorry I am for what happened to you...

VSED is said to be hard, almost impossible. In theory it looks so perfect and peaceful though. I hope you can make it work with very low suffering and inconvenience.

but I gave up when my legs kept giving way

What does it mean ?

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I'm so sorry about your fiancé... Is that the reason why you're here ?

 

[Ash’Girl]

What does it mean ?

----

I'm so sorry about your fiancé... Is that the reason why you're here ?

I've had depression, anxiety, BPD and CPTSD for my whole life and was suicidal long before SaSu existed. But I'd found ways to tread water and ride the waves over the years, so to speak.

When I met my fiancé, for the first time in my life I felt safe, he was like home to me, he accepted me on my worst days as well as my best and suddenly - slowly - I was learning to swim instead of tread water. As in, instead of coasting along existing, I saw the future as a destination I wanted to reach - with him.

He died very suddenly and unexpectedly and it brought my whole world crashing down. All my coping mechanisms from before he came along didn't work anymore and I just…. Gave up. I found SaSu in the early stages of that grief journey, when looking for more viable methods than I used to use as a teen / young adult.

VSED wasn't really initially a conscious decision, more like I kind of reached stage 4 of Leeches theory on psychogenic death. I literally couldn't do anything, didn't move from my bed. I hadn't eaten or drank anything for days but I wasn't feeling hunger or thirst. Then something broke through - namely my poor mum breaking down at the state of me and some guilt trigger for my hurting her - and I started at least trying to move again. But when I'd try to stand up, my legs wouldn't work. I couldn't feel them and they wouldn't support me. Sensation came back obviously but I had some times where I needed to crawl to the bathroom, and even when I started moving and eating and drinking again, it was still really small amounts, so I kept fainting randomly. I may have succeeded if my mother hadn't insisted on visiting every day til I showed signs of improvement. And she kept bringing me food.

 

[baabbaabbaab]

Thank you for sharing all this.

I'm so sorry for what you've been through.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you eventually find freedom from your suffering, best wishes.

 

[inaminute]

I've had depression, anxiety, BPD and CPTSD for my whole life and was suicidal long before SaSu existed. But I'd found ways to tread water and ride the waves over the years, so to speak.

When I met my fiancé, for the first time in my life I felt safe, he was like home to me, he accepted me on my worst days as well as my best and suddenly - slowly - I was learning to swim instead of tread water. As in, instead of coasting along existing, I saw the future as a destination I wanted to reach - with him.

He died very suddenly and unexpectedly and it brought my whole world crashing down. All my coping mechanisms from before he came along didn't work anymore and I just…. Gave up. I found SaSu in the early stages of that grief journey, when looking for more viable methods than I used to use as a teen / young adult.

VSED wasn't really initially a conscious decision, more like I kind of reached stage 4 of Leeches theory on psychogenic death. I literally couldn't do anything, didn't move from my bed. I hadn't eaten or drank anything for days but I wasn't feeling hunger or thirst. Then something broke through - namely my poor mum breaking down at the state of me and some guilt trigger for my hurting her - and I started at least trying to move again. But when I'd try to stand up, my legs wouldn't work. I couldn't feel them and they wouldn't support me. Sensation came back obviously but I had some times where I needed to crawl to the bathroom, and even when I started moving and eating and drinking again, it was still really small amounts, so I kept fainting randomly. I may have succeeded if my mother hadn't insisted on visiting every day til I showed signs of improvement. And she kept bringing me food.

Sorry to hear of your experience.

On a side note your nym, does it have any reference to ASH/ASM? ie the former Google groups? I've been on them long before this existed with the same name. There was a troll called simply % and a few others that basically took over it with Reddit style garbage.

 

[Ash’Girl]

No, Asher is just one of the private nicknames I gave to my fiancé, though it comes from a character in Laurell K Hamiltons Anita Blake books .