Venting Yet another gentle nudge from the universe

[veryhappyhuman]

There was this little ice cream shop near my place, conveniently at a walkable distance. The delicious ice creams there were one of like the last 3 silly things in life that I could still derive some joy from. I got so attached that I've posted about the ice creams here before. I even used the ice creams to bribe myself into taking steps toward ctb (like ordering SN).

Today what do I find? The shop's been emptied and is up for sale. Gone completely within a week, just like that. It seems so unfair -- their ice creams were amazing and they seemed to be doing good business too. It almost drove me to tears -- imagine a grown-ass 37 year old man feeling this sad about a stupid ice cream shop. It sounds narcissistic but in my mind I hear the universe saying "enough with your foreplay, here's another thing you love gone, please off yourself already".

The bigger L's in life like career loss, complete social rejection and isolation, parents' situation etc etc all made me give up on life and become numb. Now it's time for the small joys to vanish too.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

It all makes sense. I don't think it makes you a stupid baby for being upset at the closure of the shop. It was one of the few things remaining giving you genuine pleasure. It's just a coincidence but I understand the temptation of interpreting it as a sign from the universe. It can be hard not to in this state. I feel you too. My favorite songs, foods, and games, the little things, are losing their allure too. It's kind of sad but I think it's all for the better in these circumstances.

 

[houseofleaves]

this genuinely made me cry sorry for saying this but can i please virtually hug you, op?

 

[nosurpries]

this is very relateable. i feel the most suicidal, not when the bigger more traumatic things have happened to me, but when the smaller things were taken away from me. it feels like then i truly have nothing left, not even the smallest joys. this is really upsetting i'm sorry about that little ice cream shop, it's not stupid at all.

 

[FuneralCry]

This life is certainly very unfair and disappointing. It does seem as though anything positive never lasts, and it just leads to more suffering when that thing is taken away. The way that you feel is understandable, there seems to be no relief from pain in a life like this.

 

[MountainMonkey]

I feel similar. As if I'm an ant living in an ant farm, and the universe continues to throw impossible obstacles in front of me, torturing me. Taunting me. "what are ya gonna do now bitch? Haha"

 

[rationaltake]

I so get this. I'd feel exactly the same way as you do. I love ice-cream btw.

Presumably if they'd just relocated there'd be a sign up?

 

[veryhappyhuman]

Thank you so much everyone! Venting here and your nice, supportive replies genuinely made me feel better. If I'd posted this anywhere else the only reply I would've gotten would be "man up" or something like that. It's amazing how a suicide forum can be more supportive than even my therapist

sorry for saying this but can i please virtually hug you, op?

No need to be sorry, there's nothing I'd welcome more right now than a virtual hug!

Presumably if they'd just relocated there'd be a sign up?

Yeah, no such luck , it's just gone. There's no trace left of the shop now.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I can completely relate with this. There used to be a kind of museum/attraction in London that I absolutely adored as a child. Going to sound pathetic but it almost felt like part of my identity.

One day I went and it was gone. After that, they did the very occasional touring show and I found out from the owner that the rent had just become astronomical.

Maybe sounds extreme but I kind of grieved for it to some extent! It's strange to think you can feel heart broken about losing a place. I'm not saying it compares to the loss of a person but I think anything you attach part of yourself to can leave a hole when it's gone. Especially if you derive comfort from the place- it's like losing your safe space.

I'm so sorry about your shop. It does sound like it was one of those special places. What was you favourite flavour ice cream? Sounds like a lot of people are going to miss it.

 

[veryhappyhuman]

I think anything you attach part of yourself to can leave a hole when it's gone. Especially if you derive comfort from the place- it's like losing your safe space.

Yep, it's exactly this.

What was you favourite flavour ice cream?

They had a huge number of quite unique flavors (like tender coconut or cotton candy for eg), and you could even mix and match. I loved pretty much all the non-chocolate ones. Forget the flavor, just the thought of walking to the shop and ordering an ice cream used to lift up my spirits a little. All gone now.

Sounds like a lot of people are going to miss it.

Yeah that's what I don't understand -- every time I went, the shop had many couples enjoying their ice cream, so they can't have been doing poor business. That's part of the reason it feels so much like a personal "fuck you" even though it clearly isn't.

I'm sorry about your museum too. I love museums and visited the Museum of Natural History in London, it was an unforgettable experience. What kind of museum was yours?

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yep, it's exactly this.


They had a huge number of quite unique flavors (like tender coconut or cotton candy for eg), and you could even mix and match. I loved pretty much all the non-chocolate ones. Forget the flavor, just the thought of walking to the shop and ordering an ice cream used to lift up my spirits a little. All gone now.


Yeah that's what I don't understand -- every time I went, the shop had many couples enjoying their ice cream, so they can't have been doing poor business. That's part of the reason it feels so much like a personal "fuck you" even though it clearly isn't.

I'm sorry about your museum too. I love museums and visited the Museum of Natural History in London, it was an unforgettable experience. What kind of museum was yours?

It does sound like it was an awesome place. Ice cream is so nostalgic too. Reminds me of the seaside.

Yes, the Natural History Museum is awesome. Been years since I've been.

It was a museum of Automata In Covent Garden. It was called 'Cabaret Mechanical Theatre.' Full of beautifully crafted moving models. It was usually packed with people- it wasn't very big. Still, they didn't charge that much. That was kind of the appeal too- that most people would be able to afford it.

Know what you mean- can feel kind of personal when the things you love get attacked. The museum actually moved to Southend on Sea for a while but they got vandalised. That really upset me too. Sometimes it feels like there isn't a place for the things I appreciate and love.

Wonder if you can find out why they closed. Obviously doesn't bring them back but gives you some closure at least.

 

[veryhappyhuman]

It was a museum of Automata In Covent Garden. It was called 'Cabaret Mechanical Theatre.' Full of beautifully crafted moving models.

Wow, it sounds like such a cool concept for a museum! I'm not surprised you grew so attached to it, I'd have too.

It was usually packed with people- it wasn't very big. Still, they didn't charge that much. That was kind of the appeal too- that most people would be able to afford it.

Yeah, it breaks my heart when I go to a museum and they're donation-only and most people skip right past the donation point. I usually try to give as much as I can, especially when the place is a small-scale indie-type one like yours seems to have been (as opposed to the corporate-managed, tourist-trap types that charge you a costly entry fee AND ask donations on top of that). Any time I go to one I can't help but be awed at the sheer effort it'd take to keep a museum running. So much painstakingly precise, gentle, minute work needed.

The museum actually moved to Southend on Sea for a while but they got vandalised. That really upset me too.

Why would anyone vandalize a damn museum exhibit? Man, humans truly are scum. I feel you, it makes me upset just seeing you mention it.

Wonder if you can find out why they closed. Obviously doesn't bring them back but gives you some closure at least.

Yeah but that'd have required building connections with the people inside, something I've never managed to achieve even when I was "normal". I doubt the shop folks even remember who I am, despite me visiting dozens of times. I just hope they didn't lose their livelihoods at least, and managed to find another job.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Wow, it sounds like such a cool concept for a museum! I'm not surprised you grew so attached to it, I'd have too.


Yeah, it breaks my heart when I go to a museum and they're donation-only and most people skip right past the donation point. I usually try to give as much as I can, especially when the place is a small-scale indie-type one like yours seems to have been (as opposed to the corporate-managed, tourist-trap types that charge you a costly entry fee AND ask donations on top of that). Any time I go to one I can't help but be awed at the sheer effort it'd take to keep a museum running. So much painstakingly precise, gentle, minute work needed.


Why would anyone vandalize a damn museum exhibit? Man, humans truly are scum. I feel you, it makes me upset just seeing you mention it.


Yeah but that'd have required building connections with the people inside, something I've never managed to achieve even when I was "normal". I doubt the shop folks even remember who I am, despite me visiting dozens of times. I just hope they didn't lose their livelihoods at least, and managed to find another job.

Yeah, I love indie-type museums and shops. They have so much character. So much of the owners personality comes across. Makes it all the worse when people trash the place or get it closed down.

You're so kind thinking of the staff there. Yeah, it must have been a wrench for them if they were a small team and enjoyed the work/environment.

Know what you mean- it's hard to approach people even under normal circumstances. Just wondered whether there would be an article in the local newspaper or online if the place had been there a long time.

 

[Euthanza]

5 years ago I moved in to an apartment in the city where I live right now, I was very careful about choosing position and facilitation nearby such as farmacy, doctor, dentist, stationary, etc within walking distance since I don't plan to buy vehicle. It was perfect at beginning until then they just went off one by one so now I have to use public transport everytime I need them. Also the view from my room was pretty good because I can see full horizon, but recently they raise 2 new towers in front, blocking my view and I'm getting stuck here, it's not easy to sell property. Idk it's bad luck

 

[Sick&TiredURGH]

I can completely relate with this. There used to be a kind of museum/attraction in London that I absolutely adored as a child. Going to sound pathetic but it almost felt like part of my identity.

One day I went and it was gone. After that, they did the very occasional touring show and I found out from the owner that the rent had just become astronomical.

Maybe sounds extreme but I kind of grieved for it to some extent! It's strange to think you can feel heart broken about losing a place. I'm not saying it compares to the loss of a person but I think anything you attach part of yourself to can leave a hole when it's gone. Especially if you derive comfort from the place- it's like losing your safe space.

I'm so sorry about your shop. It does sound like it was one of those special places. What was you favourite flavour ice cream? Sounds like a lot of people are going to miss it.

As soon as I read this I knew before your next post that that was the place you were referring to.
The fortune teller and the dead horse being flogged. The location. I loved that place as a child too and would gladly still go if it was still a thing.
OP, I completely get what you mean, the small things can really make a difference to the bigger picture. There used to be a fabulous tea room near where I live now. I had special memories of going there. When I found it had closed down, it hit me hard. It was fabulous and always packed and far superior to the one in a large hotel near by.
Life is just hugely unfair and how most people deal with that, is beyond me.

 

[LittleJem]

It does sound like it was an awesome place. Ice cream is so nostalgic too. Reminds me of the seaside.

Yes, the Natural History Museum is awesome. Been years since I've been.

It was a museum of Automata In Covent Garden. It was called 'Cabaret Mechanical Theatre.' Full of beautifully crafted moving models. It was usually packed with people- it wasn't very big. Still, they didn't charge that much. That was kind of the appeal too- that most people would be able to afford it.

Know what you mean- can feel kind of personal when the things you love get attacked. The museum actually moved to Southend on Sea for a while but they got vandalised. That really upset me too. Sometimes it feels like there isn't a place for the things I appreciate and love.

Wonder if you can find out why they closed. Obviously doesn't bring them back but gives you some closure at least.

I thought you meant that museum and I remember it too

 

[Hollowillow]

I even used the ice creams to bribe myself into taking steps toward ctb (like ordering SN).

I think the universe message might be to live & find new joys maybe? But I had something similar. I loved to watched fireworks in an abandonned flower field. It was rare in the city. They finally developped it. Last time I went it looked like a giant grave...
I just remembered... I lived the exact same thing. A weird waffle cone ice cream with taro root flavor & 3 toppings in china town. I found it years later. The ice cream store became a bigger restaurant. They still had the ice cream. I hope you'll find it again while looking for new joys.

So true that people here are far superiors to therapists. Those ignorant judgemental pill pushers