Yet Another Disappointment: No Reason to Go On Except Fear

[Celerity]

Just got my first 90 day evaluation from my boss. They have extended my probation period for another month after telling me before that I only needed to make small improvements- they used the word "tweaks" - to my workflow.

So I sat through the last 30 minutes of the 1 hour meeting listening to her pick apart my work. She actually rescheduled another meeting just to do this.

As I have said before, I can point to no area of my life that is going well. I have my immediate family. That's it.

I dropped out of school 5 years ago and was forced to move back in with my parents. My career prospects are dismal. I am in debt. No one will date me. I can't even hold onto friends. There is nothing left for me here. I feel like an excess person. No one has any use for me aside from my parents. I wish they had had the sense to abort me 28 years ago. It's not like they even love each other.

But since they didn't abort me, it's finally up to me to make the right call. I wish I had the strength to end myself 5 years ago to save all this wasted effort on everyone's part.

Forget paying my debts or looking at alternative medicine. It's time to put what money I have left into buying a cremation policy and to get the 45 that will be my salvation. Hopefully, I will get that accomplished before my 29th birthday.

Thanks for reading.

 

[littlelungs]

God, it fucking sucks to have someone pick apart your work when you're obviously doing the best you can. Feels so, so bad.

I also wish I was aborted... just spare all of the bullshit altogether. I'm not even close to the person my parents wanted me to be. Everything I've tried to do in life has just felt like one big, fat waste of time at best.

What you're going through sounds terrible. I obviously don't know exactly what you're going through because I'm not you, but I completely understand where you're coming from.

 

[Celerity]

God, it fucking sucks to have someone pick apart your work when you're obviously doing the best you can. Feels so, so bad.

I also wish I was aborted... just spare all of the bullshit altogether. I'm not even close to the person my parents wanted me to be. Everything I've tried to do in life has just felt like one big, fat waste of time at best.

What you're going through sounds terrible. I obviously don't know exactly what you're going through because I'm not you, but I completely understand where you're coming from.

Exactly. One big waste of time. There are only small moments, small decisions that didn't feel like a waste. That was around 12-16 years ago give or take. No point in sticking around.

 

[FuneralCry]

This life really can be awful, it can be a hopeless feeling when nothing is going well.I also wish I left this earth a long time ago. I wish you well.

 

[Celerity]

Oh, guys I have an update. I literally had to sign a document extending it for not one month but two. So, it's 150 days in the newhire probation period total. I think my boss is being extremely unfair and a complete bitch.