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randomguy
Member
- Aug 18, 2018
- 56
Probabbly nobody is going to reply me because the universe has been making fun of me for years, like absolutely nothing makes sense and everything around me is just a very unreal nightmare. But I felt this impulse to write something today, because yesterday was my birthday and I didn't feel happy. As a "revenge" I will shut my insecurities up and vent a little here. My mother bought some japanese food and my little brother made some cookies for me. It's weird that all the time that I was with my family I just thought that nothing of that was real, just an ilusion of happiness that would not remain for the future. So as the September 5th was going, I just felt I didn't enjoy anything of the unic day of the year I had some reason to think I'm special and it made me more and more depressed. I don't believe in afterlife so I guess that every experience we're suposed to have we will have in this earth and it makes me a little halting about ctb, since some experiences are lovely, like music, I love music so much, and my family, I know they love me in ther way. But I can't get satisfaction for nothing anymore. My heart turned into a giant blackhole that swallows everything and never is satisfied. I'm alone when I'm writting this, and I can't think about nothing more than take my rope and start partial hanging on the backyard. I have a lot of experience in myself tho, and I don't think today is the day I'll do it , but it will come soon, I hope. At least I'm going to start planning, I'm a person that work better with planning to reach goals.That's it. Sorry for whoever read this giant text.