I am a new member who recently discovered this website after watching the video Tantacrul made. I was a suicidal person that had already been through suicidal ideation for 3 months, having searched a bunch of research articles regarding suicide methods people have been done. I really didn't believe there was actually a dedicated forum about CTB, I thought the articles and research papers that mentioned suicide forum were referring to Reddit or 4chan.
I feel all of this is such an odd coincidence because I overcame suicide ideation today, but that also happens to be the day the moderators finally approved my account.
Since January to yesterday, I've done NOTHING but contemplate suicide on a daily basis. For three months, I would just use my phone to read research articles about suicide methods.
It all started in January, when I opened up to my mom about my insecurities and depression, and she told me to "blah blah blah suck it up loser blah blah blah" in a nutshell. We would argue about your usual parent argument about depression. She told me that there is something wrong with me and she needs to take me to a mental hospital. She never did.
In the same month and day, I tried to commit suicide two times by strangling myself. I failed but almost died. I didn't know the consequences of strangulation until I looked it up, and ever since the fear of failing with that method kept me from doing it again. I've stopped attending my online school because I've just kept doing my research on suicide methods through research articles.
In February, I've done nothing but just watch Boondocks, Family Guy, American dad, YouTube, and porn. While watching those, I would just keep researching about suicide. I thought the day that I was in would be the last, but it wasn't. I just couldn't build the courage up again to do it. This would lead to me wasting 2 months of my life. Doing nothing but have suicide ideation on a daily basis.
In March, I would do the same until yesterday, my birthday. My parents took me to eat in the mall and I enjoyed it, but that was the day I realized what I have been doing all this time. "Look dude, you are never going to commit suicide. You have been doing this for 3 months and never did it. Stop wasting time". This was when I realized that I really am never going to do it, I'm too scared of doing it. That is when I gave up on the idea of suicide.
When I finally came to my senses, I felt free. Now, I told myself this back when I was 13, when I wanted to jump off a building but never did because I was too scared. But this time it's different. That was before I even did any research about suicide and thought about it for 3 months vs. Me going to on top of a building in a heart beat because I was emotionally stressed.
I still want to commit suicide but I will no longer try to think about it on a daily basis.
TLDR: Thought and searched about suicide for 3 months but never really did it, which lead me to giving up and being free from active suicidal thoughts. Also, overcame my ideation on the same day my account got approved lol.
I feel all of this is such an odd coincidence because I overcame suicide ideation today, but that also happens to be the day the moderators finally approved my account.
Since January to yesterday, I've done NOTHING but contemplate suicide on a daily basis. For three months, I would just use my phone to read research articles about suicide methods.
It all started in January, when I opened up to my mom about my insecurities and depression, and she told me to "blah blah blah suck it up loser blah blah blah" in a nutshell. We would argue about your usual parent argument about depression. She told me that there is something wrong with me and she needs to take me to a mental hospital. She never did.
In the same month and day, I tried to commit suicide two times by strangling myself. I failed but almost died. I didn't know the consequences of strangulation until I looked it up, and ever since the fear of failing with that method kept me from doing it again. I've stopped attending my online school because I've just kept doing my research on suicide methods through research articles.
In February, I've done nothing but just watch Boondocks, Family Guy, American dad, YouTube, and porn. While watching those, I would just keep researching about suicide. I thought the day that I was in would be the last, but it wasn't. I just couldn't build the courage up again to do it. This would lead to me wasting 2 months of my life. Doing nothing but have suicide ideation on a daily basis.
In March, I would do the same until yesterday, my birthday. My parents took me to eat in the mall and I enjoyed it, but that was the day I realized what I have been doing all this time. "Look dude, you are never going to commit suicide. You have been doing this for 3 months and never did it. Stop wasting time". This was when I realized that I really am never going to do it, I'm too scared of doing it. That is when I gave up on the idea of suicide.
When I finally came to my senses, I felt free. Now, I told myself this back when I was 13, when I wanted to jump off a building but never did because I was too scared. But this time it's different. That was before I even did any research about suicide and thought about it for 3 months vs. Me going to on top of a building in a heart beat because I was emotionally stressed.
I still want to commit suicide but I will no longer try to think about it on a daily basis.
TLDR: Thought and searched about suicide for 3 months but never really did it, which lead me to giving up and being free from active suicidal thoughts. Also, overcame my ideation on the same day my account got approved lol.
Last edited:
