Discussion XANAX and Suicidal thoughts

[roxx]

Im taking Xanax since 2019 for anxiety and some panic attacks. It works well for these problems, but it?s been 2 years that Im having very serious suicidal thoughts. Last year I tried a lot of differente drugs on therapy (even Lithium) but somehow the thoughts grew stronger month to month. Now Im trying to quit Xanax for the fourth time, but I dont know if its the Xanax thats driving my suicidal thoughts or it's just me noticing the world becoming more painful to live and Im sick of it all as must of us. Have anyone tried Xanax before and getting the same thoughts?
Thank you for your attention and sorry for some english mistakes, it's not my native language, I'm brazillian by the way.

 

[Larysa]

Im taking Xanax since 2019 for anxiety and some panic attacks. It works well for these problems, but it?s been 2 years that Im having very serious suicidal thoughts. Last year I tried a lot of differente drugs on therapy (even Lithium) but somehow the thoughts grew stronger month to month. Now Im trying to quit Xanax for the fourth time, but I dont know if its the Xanax thats driving my suicidal thoughts or it's just me noticing the world becoming more painful to live and Im sick of it all as must of us. Have anyone tried Xanax before and getting the same thoughts?
Thank you for your attention and sorry for some english mistakes, it's not my native language, I'm brazillian by the way.

How are you quitting the xanax? Are you doing a slow taper? Have you looked at the Ashton Manual? Even that can be too quick.

Coming off a benzodiazepine can definitely cause suicidal ideation. It can be very hard.

I'm not so sure about being on a steady dose of Xanax causing suicidal thoughts, but it's possible. Varying doses or reducing doses can definitely cause distress and many withdrawal symptoms.

 

[roxx]

How are you quitting the xanax? Are you doing a slow taper? Have you looked at the Ashton Manual? Even that can be too quick.

Coming off a benzodiazepine can definitely cause suicidal ideation. It can be very hard.

I'm not so sure about being on a steady dose of Xanax causing suicidal thoughts, but it's possible. Varying doses or reducing doses can definitely cause distress and many withdrawal symptoms.

Larysa I tried slowering the dose to minimum, I had no support from my psychiatrist at time, he said I should keep Xanax and added Amitryl and some haldol (at the same time, I was totally numb, I wasnt able to drive, the sidefx were terrible). Today Im just taking amitryl and going cold turkey (Im used to the physical efffects, but the mindside, it's a nightmare, almost three days without sleep and barely eating). This time will be even worse since I was taking 4 to 6 pills at night to sleep the most time possible but Im reducing the dose 1 pill at day till now. I'm checking the Ashton Manual, I didnt know about that, thank you for your help Larysa. I'll keep this post alive reporting the effects of quitting xanax. But Im not even shure now about quitting, the feeling of being asleep and having almost zero time left to think about my life sounds too appealing to me than quit the drug. I had my first suicidal thought while using the low dose. It's hard to identify if I'm really quitting to live or if it's Xanax's "desire".

 

[Larysa]

I think you need to plan withdrawing from benzodiazepines. Do your research first.

Also be clear why you are doing it, what you hope the result will be. And ideally have some support.

This website is not all that user friendly, but has lots of information. It can be rather alarming to read about though. Some people don't have such a bad time, but as you know it can be very hard.

Welcome to benzo.org.uk : Main Page

benzo.org.uk : Benzodiazepine tranquilliser addiction, withdrawal and recovery

www.benzo.org.uk

(Edited for clarity.)

 

[roxx]

I think you need to plan withdrawing from benzodiazepines. Do your research first. Some people don't have such a bad time, but as you know it can be very hard.

This website is not all that user friendly, but has lots of reliable information:

Welcome to benzo.org.uk : Main Page

benzo.org.uk : Benzodiazepine tranquilliser addiction, withdrawal and recovery

www.benzo.org.uk

Hi Larysa. Reading the Ashton Manual, valuable material, thank you for that. I've found some info about Xanax and the "Emotional anaesthesia" that I'm feeling about two years. Well, I did some bad choices lately (I've moved from a bigger city to a very, very smaller city) so I have no medical support here, just the basics, it's a rural area. I moved to this rural house trying a less stressing life and getting better from depression. And guess what? It didnt work, Im even more depressed now than when I lived in the city. And I have access to guns (Brazilian laws arent that hard anymore, so I could buy a shotgun ind a couple of months - due the docs and register. Anyway, after the Ashton Manual I'll check this website you've just recommended. Your help with the manual was terrific. Very good material indeed. Thank you again for your attention.

 

[Larysa]

You're welcome. (Sorry, I edited my post while you were replying.)

 

[roxx]

Larysa thank you, I read all the manual and the benzo.org.uk is a amazing source of useful information. Unfortunatelly as I said before, my town is very poor when it comes to mental health, so I wasnt able to use clonazepam as tampering because the doctor refused to prescribe me without a psychiatrist analyzing my case. So I'm going cold turkey, I know that's not the easy method but I can't live with these suicidal thoughts haunting me, so I wish that my self experience quitting Xanax could be useful for the users with recurring suicidal thoughts taking xanax.
Thank you again for your help, I'm more confident to quit the drug after reading your recomendation.

 

[Larysa]

You're scaring me with talk of cold-turkeying off xanax, @roxx. Seriously.

You read about the risk of seizure?

Whatever the negative effects of being on these drugs, the answer is not cold turkey. That can actually significantly damage your brain. Receptors in your brain are now acclimated to this drug and they have to be slowly weaned off them.

Do you mean your doctor won't prescribe diazepam for a taper? That's the recommended one as its half life is so much longer (see screenshot). May be show this to your doctor?

So you are getting your Xanax without a prescription? How much have you been taking?




I read my posts back to see in what way I might have encouraged you to come off the Xanax, as this was not my intention at all. I only meant to warn you of the dangers of quitting too fast, and to provide links to further information.

I think I worded this badly:

I think you need to plan withdrawing from benzodiazepines. Do your research first.

I did not mean that you should plan to withdraw from benzos, but that before attempting to withdraw you should make a careful, informed plan.

Apologies if that was not clear.

 

[roxx]

You're scaring me with talk of cold-turkeying off xanax, @roxx. Seriously.

You read about the risk of seizure?

Whatever the negative effects of being on these drugs, the answer is not cold turkey. That can actually damage your brain. Receptors in your brain are now acclimated to this drug and they have to be slowly weaned off them.

Do you mean your doctor won't prescribe diazepam for a taper? That's the recommended one as its half life is so much longer (see screenshot). May be show this to your doctor?

So you are getting your Xanax without a prescription? How much have you been taking?

View attachment 120142

@Larysa I've been taking Xanax for three years and a half, generally 1mg or 2mg, depending the level of my stress. I started to take Xanax just for "helping" me sleep, so I took some from my mom and experienced a full night of sleep and very relaxing experience. But as like any addiction, after the "good" experience I've started to feel less motivated and more relapse. During the pandemic the whole thing got worse, so I started to take Xanax as a prescribed drug from my doctor (but with lots of other drugs alltogether, including lithium). Brazilian health system is not one of the best I should say, so everytime a new doctor arrived, more drugs were prescribed but I never had a chance to stop with Xanax because all the doctors are relutant to this (and I know why since I was diagnosed with TDM (in english something like major depressive disorder). So I quit all the drugs, on by one (starting with lithium and then finally, Xanax). After three months clean of Xanax my mom had a health problem (I take care of here, she's 83 y.o) I restarted Xanax again and this time the suicidal thoughts are even harder and pratically decided to buy a gun and finish the game. In a last attempt to get better as I said before, I moved from the city to a rural areal, calm and very beautiful place to live, but unfortunatelly without any health support at all - it's a very small town, less than 11k people live here, mostly in cottages like me. It was a killing move (inevitable pun) because moving to the cottage didnt work (actually I feel even more depressed and suicidal) and the support for psychological health problems here are zero. So, I'm between the cold turkey method (I tried before and it's one of the strongest, a way lot worse than Velija and Desve) or trying to reduce the dose following the manual but unfortunatelly without tampering (I take amitryptiline with Xanax but the effects are zero, it just almost a placebo).
And we're under a severe heat wave this week, in rural parts of Brazil we are going to hit 105F on Sunday....my original plan on days like these what I used to call "Xanaxthon", that's basically taking 4mg of xanax more 50mg of amitryptiline and a and a antiallergic, so I sleep for like 14, 16 hours. If I wake out of blue Id take another Xanax and go back to sleep again. That's my life, basically. Go to the doctor, another prescription of Xanax, more depressive thoughts and then another "xanathon" because while sleeping the life is a wonderful experience. Sorry about the extensive text, it was almost my clinical history but that's the whole picture.

 

[Larysa]

I do appreciate that you are in a very challenging position. I'm sorry that moving rurally has not helped at all.

So when you came off the Xanax before, for those three months, how was that?

All I can say is that changes in dose can make you feel like hell. So say one day you take 2 mg, the next zero, the next 4mg etc… This is chaos for the brain. And may explain some of your symptoms. (I did this with diazepam without realising the effect it could have, and ended up in a hell of a mess.)

(It is OK to take a benzo one day for a flight and then weeks later for a few days for a difficult time, but an ongoing, fluctuating dose is destabilising.)

So, I'm between the cold turkey method… or trying to reduce the dose following the manual but unfortunatelly without tampering

The tapering is reducing the dose slowly. It is made easier by cross-tapering onto diazepam. Partly because diazepam is 20 times less strong and so the practical side of cutting up tablets allows you to reduce more slowly. Partly because of its longer half-life.

I obviously know nothing about the healthcare in your area beyond what you have explained, but diazepam is on the World Health Organisation's 'Model List of Essential Medicines' that are the basic medicines required globally. It is the only benzo on that list.

It seems crazy that a doctor is willing to keep prescribing Xanax (20 times stronger) but will not switch to Diazepam. (Although to do a direct swap, it will sound like a lot of Diazepam, especially if they are not particularly aware of the equivalent doses. 2mg of Xanax sounds less dramatic than 40mg Diazepam!)

If your doctor there will not cooperate, could you get an online consult with a psychiatrist in a city? Although I'm sure you've already considered that.

Anyway, I will leave you with those thoughts, and hope that the heat is not too awful

 

[lwlaiet8887]

I've been through xanax withdrawals twice they're horrible. Depending on how long you've been taking them the more severe the withdrawals have been twice. I'd say it's "borderline psychosis" inducing, can't sleep, bad dreams, sweating, feeling negative. It's a better to slow taper always.

 

[roxx]

I do appreciate that you are in a very challenging position. I'm sorry that moving rurally has not helped at all.

So when you came off the Xanax before, for those three months, how was that?

All I can say is that changes in dose can make you feel like hell. So say one day you take 2 mg, the next zero, the next 4mg etc… This is chaos for the brain. And may explain some of your symptoms. (I did this with diazepam without realising the effect it could have, and ended up in a hell of a mess.)

(It is OK to take a benzo one day for a flight and then weeks later for a few days for a difficult time, but an ongoing, fluctuating dose is destabilising.)


The tapering is reducing the dose slowly. It is made easier by cross-tapering onto diazepam. Partly because diazepam is 20 times less strong and so the practical side of cutting up tablets allows you to reduce more slowly. Partly because of its longer half-life.

I obviously know nothing about the healthcare in your area beyond what you have explained, but diazepam is on the World Health Organisation's 'Model List of Essential Medicines' that are the basic medicines required globally. It is the only benzo on that list.

It seems crazy that a doctor is willing to keep prescribing Xanax (20 times stronger) but will not switch to Diazepam. (Although to do a direct swap, it will sound like a lot of Diazepam, especially if they are not particularly aware of the equivalent doses. 2mg of Xanax sounds less dramatic than 40mg Diazepam!)

If your doctor there will not cooperate, could you get an online consult with a psychiatrist in a city? Although I'm sure you've already considered that.

Anyway, I will leave you with those thoughts, and hope that the heat is not too awful

I usually messed up my doses. But the three months without it wasnt enough to check my brain status, it's always like ''using xanax was a lot better''. That's how addicted people act. So I had my xanaxthon last night and even with the heat wave I slept for like, 14 hours maybe. But I'm not planning do it again today because the hangover is terrible. I´m feeling like getting a cold or something. I'm trying to keep lucid to take some decisions about the tampering, getting another prescription or something, but Xanax is a very comfortable drug, I hate to say that, but your life is falling apart but Xanax fooled you telling you the opposite. I hope you're ok, I've notice that your username was unavailable. I hope that I wasnt boring you anyhow. are you ok?

I've been through xanax withdrawals twice they're horrible. Depending on how long you've been taking them the more severe the withdrawals have been twice. I'd say it's "borderline psychosis" inducing, can't sleep, bad dreams, sweating, feeling negative. It's a better to slow taper always.

lwlaiet8887 I used to have livid dreams and all the above symptons you've mentioned. As tampering is not a option right now, I'll try reducing the dose gradually even with those withdrawals, amitryptiline can't help me to sleep anymore, too week to be used as tampering. I really need the answer about my suicidal thoughts, if they're part of Xanax abuse or not. It's been hard days, depression makes you wish to sleep whole time but it depends directly from Xanax and dealing with reality and staying full awake till 3, 4 AM is a torture. Terrible.

 

[roxx]

Just to keep a register dealing with Xanax. 7mg aren*t working anymore, I've just got dizzy and nothing more. The suicidal thoughts are the only thing that really make sense. I'm quitting Xanax cold turkey today and visit hell a little bit more. Wish me luck.