Help Writing my notes

[ComradeA]

So all the things I need for SN have arrived. The only thing keeping me here is this massive 2 week long protest I've been taking part in. It's been great and doing it has made me the happiest I've been in a while but it has to end and after that it's back to reality. I took time off of work for the protest and I have a few days spare once it ends, so it makes sense to do it then. Gives my work some time to sort out who will take over my shifts. So, Tuesday 22nd October, unless plans change, will be my final day spent alive. I don't feel sad about it, it's just what's happening. Life isn't meant for some people. The only thing that sucks is thinking about how it will affect my family, and so I want to spend this past week crafting the perfect goodbye notes to everyone. Honestly I don't want to write notes to my family because then I'll have to confront how much pain I'm going to cause them, but I feel like I owe them some kind of explanation. I'm more up for writing notes to my friends but I can't leave them one and not my parents. I had the idea of writing a short individual one for all the people most important to me but whenever I sit down to try and do it I can't think of what to say. These are my final words and I want them to be something my loved ones can hold on to, something that explains why I decided to CTB and also offers words of comfort, but every time I try and write something it just comes out sounding crap. I'm also worried that if I sit down to write a goodbye note to, say, my younger brother, I will just end up backing out because of confronting how much I'll be hurting him. I don't want to back out again, I've failed too many attempts before and if I'm going to die by my own hand I'd rather just get it over with already. I know really your note is an incredibly personal thing, but does anybody here have some general advice for writing them? It's the final thing that I'm stuck on.

 

[Brainpain]

It doesn't matter what you write, they will never understand or get comfort out of it. They will always think you weren't in your right mind.

 

[ChristopherWalken]

I think it's ok to just do your best on the note. Some note is better than no note at all. They will read it many times probably. They will have more questions than your note can answer. If it were me I would be doing my best to absolve the people I care about from any guilt or blame they might feel.